“That's grossly unfair,” she snapped.
“Maybe. Love is rarely fair,” he sighed and started rolling up the ramp to the door. “It's messy and it's difficult and it's painful and it's a whole heap of hard work. I guess it's a good thing you found that out now.”
He disappeared into the house after that, but Katya stayed in the garage. She glared at the stupid motorcycle and tried to think mean thoughts about her dad.
Of course, she wasn't able to. Instead, she thought some mean things about herself. Was he right? She felt like using his logic meant that any time a man did anything shitty, she should just be expected to forgive and forget.
But of course, that wasn't what he'd been saying at all. He'd said forgiveness and trust took work. Had she put any work into forgiving Wulf? Into actually trusting him? No, she'd been too busy playing her silly game. Too busy expecting some fairy tale romance where magic words could just erase any kind of damage and pain. She almost felt stupid now as the realization came upon her.
That wasn't how life worked. That wasn't how anything worked, she knew. It would be a long time before she could ever fully trust Wulf, before she would trust that they wouldn't hurt each other again. It would take a lot of work. So much work. Work, if she was honest, he'd tried to do. He'd been trying all along, in his own Wulfric way. He'd still be trying, if she hadn't asked him to leave. Even his final act had been to grant her wishes.
What work had she done? She'd fretted and worried and dallied about between two men. Expecting blind trust and acceptance of her actions, but not giving the same back. She'd ignored her feelings and Wulf's and she'd made everyone's life miserable in the process. All because she hadn't been willing to do a little hard work.
She was pissed off. Katya Tocci had never been afraid of hard work. She'd been a straight A student in high school, graduated at the top of her culinary class, and had relentlessly pursued her dream career, making herself one of the most sought after bakers in all of San Francisco.
Goddammit, she wasn't scared of hard work. And she wasn't afraid of Wulf, and she wasn't afraid of what the future held for them. She would roll up her sleeves and she would fight and she would yell and she would get confused and she would be misunderstood and she would let herself fall so much further in love with him, there would be no going back.
Don't ever tell me I can't do something, because then I will do it better than it's ever been done before.
As she ran through the house and dashed upstairs, she willed away the doubts that were already creeping in. Twice now, she'd walked away from him. This last time had been particularly painful and hard, and it had already been a month since then. Such a short amount of time, he would think she was a ridiculous. That she was playing with him. That she was a flip flopper who would just leave him again.
No. Stop assuming. Just talk to him. You've never ever once just told him exactly how you feel. Do the work.
She flew around her room, shoving a couple pairs of pants and t-shirts into a bag. As she searched for shoes, more doubts swirled through the air.
A month is also a long time. He hasn't contacted you once. Hasn't talked about you with your father. He's a very strong-headed man – he could have already shut you out. Moved on. Gotten over you. You could just be going back and ripping open old wounds and only succeed in upsetting him. He could take one look at you and wonder what the hell he'd ever been thinking.
“Stop it!”
She jerked upright and actually yelled out loud at herself.
Just because you don't believe in yourself, DOES NOT mean he doesn't believe in you. Remember – you said you'd fight for him. Now is the time to prove it. Do the work.
She hurried down the stairs so fast, her father yelled to remind her there was no running in the house. She kept running, though, straight outside to where her mother was watering some plants and Katya hugged her from behind.
“I love you, Mom,” she whispered.
“Good lord, what is this!?” her mom asked, startled.
“Nothing, just had a really good talk with Dad.”
“Oh. About what?”
“About what a crazy slut you were in college.”
Her mother actually let out a startled shriek and dropped the hose, sending the spray into the air. Katya jumped away and laughed as her mother got a face full of water.
“Katya Tocci!” she gasped, kicking the hose out of the way. “How dare you use that language with me!”
“It's okay, Mom. It's kinda badass, really. Two men at once! I never knew you had it in you,” she teased.
Her mother glared at her for a moment longer, water dripping down her face, ruining her makeup. Then she sighed and smoothed her hands over hair, putting everything back into place.
“Well, it was a long time ago,” she said simply. “I was young and carefree, and quite frankly, your father and his friend were the two most attractive men on campus. What can I say? Everyone acts like that in college. It's a time for exploration.”
“Dayum, Mom!”
“Hush. And don't ever tell anyone I said that, either,” her mother snapped, pointing sternly at her daughter. Katya smiled.
“Oh, this is all going in the Christmas cards this year. Love you!”
Katya turned and ran back into the house, leaving her mom to sputter in front of the roses. Her dad was in the living room and wheeled up to the coffee table, fighting to open an airplane size pack of peanuts. She yanked it out of his hands and ripped it open, then handed it back.
“I love you, Dad. So much that sometimes it makes me really, really stupid,” she told him.
“Completely understandable, sweetheart. Happens to me all the time,” he replied.
She hesitated for a second, dancing from foot to foot while her father calmly ate peanuts.
“I'm scared,” she finally said. He nodded.
“You should be. He could be shacked up with another woman by now.”
“Daddy!”
“Of course he's not! That boy is head over heels for you. Now get out of here before you drive us all insane,” he snapped, waving his hand at her, shooing her towards the door.
She hadn't asked, but she assumed her father knew she'd need some way of getting home, so she took the car keys on her way out the door. She tossed her bag into the back seat, got behind the wheel, then burned rubber as she pulled out of the driveway.
She had a two hour drive ahead of her. Two hours, by herself, stuck with her own thoughts. Not a good thing, as she now knew.
During the first hour, she almost talked herself into turning around several times. Even pulled into a rest stop once and had a full on argument with herself. Then she got back on the road and put the pedal to the medal.