“I wish to know, my Noble Lady. Is something happening to the Emperor?”
“I suppose you can say that… He has difficulties to do his duty, but really, he is not to be blamed. He was rather a vigorous man when he was young, a skillful man good at plucking flowers,” she said, using a euphemism. “He fathered thirteen sons—although three died in infancy. But even an old lion falters and loses his appetite, and his claws, which always sank into whomever he wanted, wherever he wanted, have lost their sharpness.”
Now I understood. “Then why does he still summon us? And the new Selects every year?”
“Because even if a lion cannot eat, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t wish to.”
“What about Jewel?” He still summoned her, I heard, and she was Most Adored and a Lady-in-Waiting.
“I don’t know, but she seems to know many tricks. I hear she keeps some white horses’ penises steeped in wine and honey in a jar. I wish I knew more…” She rubbed her chest, her plump face growing pink again. “You do wish to keep your title, don’t you?”
I thought of Mother. She must have received the silver figurine from Eunuch Ming, and she would be very pleased. I could not stop my quest to win the Emperor’s favor. I had to do more to take care of her. “Yes.”
“Then you need to win him back.”
“I shall think about it.” But I hesitated. I wished I had more courage to tell the Noble Lady I did not know the secrets of the bedroom affair, but she already looked embarrassed.
“And, when you decide to do so, you will need to be summoned.”
Of course, that would be another obstacle I had to solve. I watched her measure the fabrics and divide them into different piles that would be distributed to the other Ladies. I liked the silk’s pattern and its color, and I would like to have some of it. But as a Talent, I received only leftover silk from last year.
I bid her good day and turned to leave.
“Wait.” The Noble Lady went to a chest near her dresser, and when she returned, there was a scroll tied with a red silk ribbon in her hands. “Here.” She placed it in my hands, her face reddening like ripened autumn apples. “I don’t know if you have seen this or not… Some ladies here have them, I hear… Anyway, I am an old woman. I do not need this anymore. You are still young…”
The scroll was light, almost transparent. I could see the colors, red and black, through the fine silk. “What is it?”
“Paintings…” She cleared her throat.
“What kind of paintings?”
“You will know. Go read it in your bedchamber. Not here.” She waved, turning away, and I could see how embarrassed she was. “Read it when you’re alone.”
The bedroom affair! It must be. “I—”
“Go. Go now.”
She waved again, and I stumbled out, blushing. In the corridor, her maids were embroidering something, and I hid the scroll in my sleeve, lowered my head, and passed them without speaking.
As soon as I left the Quarters, I regretted taking the scroll. I should not have taken it. I would never have the courage to stand before the Emperor again. He had treated me like a maid the first time, and this time, he would perhaps kick me like a slave.
But I was also curious. What did those paintings look like? I wished to see them and understand the true meaning of the bedding affair. After all, I was sixteen years old, and many women my age had already borne two or three children.
I picked up my pace, eager to get to my bedchamber.
? ? ?
By the time I reached my bedchamber, it was supper time. The court bustled with servants carrying trays. I stepped aside to let the carriers pass as they came behind me. The fragrance of the meal wafted past me, and I inhaled deeply. Could I have some meat in my bowl tonight? A succulent duck quarter glazed with honey or a piece of pork belly seasoned with five spices? But I knew what I would see: tofu blocks, bamboo shoots, and a spare amount of rice, most likely. The food could barely fill me, and I was always hungry.
Plum was talking with the other Talents around the table. “And now, she says it is just a pickled radish that will not stand, even if you use chopsticks,” Plum said, and the girls covered their mouths, giggling.
“What are you talking about?” I sat near her, tucking my feet under me. The scroll’s bamboo spine rubbed against my arm, and suddenly, I was conscious of the secret in my pocket. I cleared my throat.
“Lady Obedience,” Plum said, and the Talents burst out laughing again. “She went to see the Emperor last night.”
“Oh.” I looked down at my tray—barley soup, fried bean curds with mushrooms, and some rice. Just as I had expected. “What are you laughing about?”
“You did not hear us?” Plum asked.
“I did.” I blinked, unable to fathom her joke. “Why is it funny?”
The others laughed again, and Plum leaned over me, her face near the bowl on my tray. “Never mind that. Is something wrong?”
“What? Nothing.”
“You look different.”
I waved to dismiss her. “I’m tired, that’s all.”