Her mind raced for something innocuous to say. The one thought that hovered above all others was of Noah. Guilt assailed her, and she attempted to tease out the root cause. It’s not that she believed she had betrayed him. He wouldn’t want her pining for him the rest of her days.
In fact, Noah hadn’t even been on the fringes of her thoughts during the kiss. Wrapped up in Bennett, it was like Noah hadn’t existed. However briefly, she had forgotten him. Her knees threatened to give out on her, and she tripped on a root at the edge of the road.
Bennett caught her arm, but she shook him off and picked up the pace. “I’m fine.”
She was being unforgivably rude, but all she could think of was Ben. Her one solid link to Noah was waiting for her, and she wouldn’t let him down. She entered the back door with a clatter, and her mother popped around the corner with a worried expression.
“Could you get Bennett settled in the guest room while I tuck Ben in, Mom?”
Harper brushed by her mom and took the stairs to Ben’s room two at a time. She stopped outside his bedroom and regulated her breathing before pushing the door open. Ben sat up in bed and played pretend with his dinosaurs.
Before she could stop herself, she sat on the edge of the twin bed and pulled him in for a hug and kiss. He squirmed away and wiped her kiss away, giggling.
“Are you ready for a book?” she asked.
“I was hoping Big Ben could come tell me another story about Daddy.”
Her heart floundered. “His name is Bennett.”
“Yeah, but he’s big and his name is almost like mine. Can he?”
“Not tonight.” She grabbed whatever book was on his nightstand and leaned back into his pillow. She read the story but didn’t comprehend the words, her mind on the man down the hall. Ben had turned on his side, his knees jabbing into her legs, his eyes closed.
She turned off the light and curled around him as if she could protect him. Except she was the one who needed protection and grounding. Knowing she was hiding like a coward, she drifted on the edge of sleep, her thoughts spiraling around Bennett and their kiss.
Was she afraid of being hurt? She let the logical explanation settle over her, but it didn’t exactly fit. It was more complicated. The truth hit her like a hurricane. She was afraid of being happy.
As she held their son, Noah loomed large in her memories. She had been happy with Noah. Did moving on with someone else overwrite that happiness or was it cumulative? She wasn’t sure.
Bennett’s words from earlier made a reappearance. He’d said Ben wouldn’t get attached because they’d just met. That wasn’t true, though. Sometimes a moment was all it took. That’s all it had taken with Noah. Life could change in a blink.
What did Bennett think of her now? That she was crazy or just not interested? Crazy was a distinct possibility, but that he could think she was uninterested made her stomach feel funny. She hadn’t rejected him at the dock. It had been a classic situation of ‘it’s not you; it’s me.” Did he realize that?
Her heart kicked into a higher gear. She eased out of bed. Ben squirmed into the warm spot she’d left but didn’t wake. The squeak of Ben’s door opening made her cringe and hold still. Everything in the house was quiet and dark. She must have been asleep longer than she’d thought.
She tiptoed down the hall and stood in front of the guest room door. Like a normal person, Bennett was probably asleep. Maybe it would be better—easier—to do this in the morning or during the car ride to Fort Bragg. She hesitated. If she didn’t do it now, she might not do it at all. And then what?
Whatever was growing between them would be stamped out for good. As scared as she was to let it flourish, she couldn’t let it die.
His fleece jacket still wrapped her in its warmth. She slipped it off, knocked on the door, and waited. Softer, she knocked again. Nothing. She leaned her forehead against the door and closed her eyes. Everything was ruined.
* * *
Bennett popped his eyes open. He’d dropped back into a doze after waking from familiar childhood dreams, but something more benign woke him this time. A second knock was definitely not dream induced. He grabbed a T-shirt and pulled it on as he padded barefoot to the door and opened it. Harper crashed straight into his chest with an oof, knocking him back a step. Surprise pumped adrenaline through his body.
Jack whined from the floor but didn’t rise. Bennett glanced toward the window and the angle of the moonlight put the time around midnight. She was in the same T-shirt she’d been wearing earlier.
“What are you doing here?” he whispered. After their disaster-ish kiss, she hadn’t been able to get away from him fast enough. And now she was practically in his arms, even if it was because she was off balance.
“Did I wake you?”
“Sort of.”
“Bad dreams?” How did she see straight through him like that in the dark? “Here’s your jacket.”
She shoved his fleece zip-up into his chest. He tossed it into a chair. “You came to my room in the middle of the night to return my jacket?”
“Yes.” She was so close, he could feel her body sigh. “No. Can I come in? We need to talk.”
The four scariest words a woman could utter. Now he was the one off balance. “It can’t wait until morning?”
Her hands tightened around his forearms. “No.”
He disentangled himself from her and closed the door to keep from waking Ben or Gail. The distance was good. She was too soft and warm and tempting. Which was exactly what had gotten him in trouble earlier.
He perched stiffly on the side of the bed with his legs outstretched and his arms crossed over his chest. “Go ahead.”
She stepped closer, the shadows giving way to moonlight. Her nerves were obvious. Was she going to tell him to take his money and get gone? Had one kiss screwed up everything?
“Earlier … you know, on the dock … well, I didn’t mean … that is to say—” She cleared her throat and whispered, “Aw, screw it.”
She straddled his legs and put her hands on his face. Before he could do more than unlock his arms and grab her waist, she kissed him.
Instead of the slow deliberation of their kiss on the dock, desperation thrummed around her, infecting him as well. He pulled her closer, fusing their bodies. She hooked an arm around his neck while her other hand played in his hair. Her sexy whimper was like flint to dry tinder.
He rolled them until she was on her back and he was between her legs. She arched against him, and a shiver coursed through him. As much as he would love to peel off all their clothes and wake up in the morning with her, too many questions burned for answers.
Except her lips felt perfect and he was having problems locating sufficient willpower to actually detach them. He moved his lips against hers. “Harper. What are we doing?”
“Kissing.” She trailed her hand down his back and into the waistband of his boxer briefs.
Another inch or two and he would lose any semblance of self-control. Harper was a woman who’d lived in his imagination for years. Except she’d turned out to be sweeter, funnier, smarter, sexier … basically more of everything than he’d imagined. He had no defense against the real thing. Not even guilt over Noah could keep him from wanting her.
He tried one more time. “We can’t have sex with your mom and son down the hall.”
“Sex?” She startled enough to break the kiss but not the hold she had on him.
“Isn’t that where we were headed when you put your hand in my underwear?”
She didn’t snatch her hand away but moved it slowly up his back, her nails scraping pleasurably. “I didn’t come in here for sex. I swear. I really did come to talk.”
“Darlin’, believe me, I’m not judging you. Given the green light, I’d be all in.” He paused when she turned her head to the side. Had he come on too strong? “But I don’t think you know what you want. Am I wrong?”
He barely heard her whisper, “You’re not wrong.”
With the effort of separating industrial-sized magnets, he rolled off her to his back and concentrated on the slow turn of the ceiling fan to regulate his breathing. “Why did you come sneaking to my door at midnight, then?”