“It says in one of the articles the police have a file on you. You could be arrested.”
He could tell her about the police officer who let him go. Instead, he felt cornered, defensive. “Thinking about turning me in?”
“No, but this tells me I don’t really know anything about you.”
“You know what’s important.” Not everything, not yet. “You know me better than anyone else on the planet, including Jasper.” Take a risk, Jasper had told him before leaving. Stop letting fear and anger rule your life. Stop allowing the past to rule your future. How much of what the Bird had done had come out of the helpless frustration he’d always felt, beginning with the night his mother walked out the door?
Grace looked on the verge of tears. “Who are you, Roman?”
Roman could hear Jasper’s voice. Let the walls down, Bobby Ray. Let her in. “I don’t know.” He waited for her to say something that would crush the heart of him, but her face changed. She looked at him with compassion.
“You’re an artist.” She spoke softly, with certainty. “I know that much about you.”
He was afraid to ask, but needed to know. “What are you going to do with what you know? About the Bird.”
“It’s your secret, not mine.”
“It’s ours now. Maybe you’ll feel better if I tell you I can’t fly anymore. I can’t outrun anyone. The tunnel was the last piece I’ll ever do.”
“Because I know?”
“Because I got caught that night. I saw everything I’ve worked for going up in smoke, and then he let me go.” He uttered a curse. “Everything has changed, Grace.”
“A near-death experience will do that to a person.” She touched his arm.
Maybe there was hope. “Yeah, but I’m not talking about that. It was coming on before that. I wanted more.”
“More of what?”
“Life.” He was close enough to touch her and did. Her breath caught. The skin of her throat felt like warm silk. “You want more, too, don’t you?”
She didn’t deny it, but she took a step back. “I work for you, Roman. We’re friends. Two people saved by God’s grace. That makes you my brother in Christ.”
He wasn’t going to let her get away with that. “I’m more than your boss or your brother, and you know it. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me.” When she turned her head away, Roman cupped her face. “Keep looking at me, Grace.”
“This isn’t a good idea.”
It was the best idea he’d ever had, and he wasn’t backing down. “The night you kissed Brian, I got the feeling you two were checking to see if there was any chemistry. Let’s see about us.”
Roman expected sparks, not a conflagration. Grace stiffened at first; then her body relaxed. He slipped an arm around her and pulled her closer, deepened the kiss. She tasted so good, he wanted more. She responded, and his body caught fire. When she pulled back, he didn’t want to let her go. She uttered a soft sound, and his arms loosened. Her hands clasped his shirt, her forehead resting against his chest. Her hair smelled like sunshine and spring blossoms. He ran his hands down her arms. They’d gotten their answer.
“I can’t . . .” Her voice sounded choked with tears. “I can’t do this, Roman.”
“We’re only kissing, Grace. I’m not going to do anything more than that until you’re ready.” She was still close enough for him to breathe in the scent of her. He could hardly draw breath, he wanted her so much. Slow down, Bobby Ray. Give her time to catch up. His hands moved to her waist, then down to her hips.
“Please.” She sucked in a breath. “Don’t.”
Which was it? When she drew back, he let her move away. He’d never had to coerce a woman, and he wasn’t going to now. With a little patience, they would get to where they both wanted to go.
Grace sank onto the couch. Her hands shook as she covered her face. “I have secrets, too, Roman.”
“I’m not looking for confessions, Grace.” Roman kept his distance until he had full control. Sitting on the coffee table in front of her, he took her hand. He lifted her chin. Her flushed cheeks and dark eyes told him everything he needed to know. “We have our answer, don’t we?” They were going to be good together—very, very good. “I think we should take our friendship to the next level.” He kissed her palm.
She relaxed slightly, her expression bemused, but hopeful. “What level do you mean?”
Roman held her hand between his. Was she shaking, or was he? He couldn’t remember ever being this scared, but her breathless silence reassured him. “More intimate.”
She looked momentarily confused; then understanding came. She slipped her hand from between his. “By intimate, you mean sex.” She spoke in a dull tone.
Why did she look so hurt? “I’m not suggesting a one-night stand. We can get to know each other better, see how things go.”
Grace stood and moved away from him. “I’m such an idiot!” She covered her face. “I’m a complete fool!”
Maybe the evening wasn’t going to end the way he hoped. “It’s the smart thing to do. Make sure we’re compatible. We’ll take our time and decide how far we want to go with this.”
She turned on him fiercely. “You want as little of me as you can have!”
“What are you talking about?” Didn’t she understand how he felt about her? “I want everything!”
“Everything? No, you don’t! You want the easy part. You don’t want the hard stuff, the things you can’t survive without real love, without God in the middle. You want my body, for sex, sure. But you don’t want the rest of me. The baggage I carry, the issues, the struggles, the insecurities, the pain. And you certainly don’t want Samuel!” She tried to step around him.
Roman blocked her way. Her anger roused his own, adding heat to frustration. If she wanted to let it all rip, so could he. “I’m not a youth pastor who’d make the perfect father. I didn’t even know mine. What do you want from me, Grace? Tell me!” When she started to cry, he felt ashamed. He put his hands on her shoulders, his voice softening. “Tell me.”
She shook his hands off, raised her head, eyes fierce. “I want a man who wants more than a friend with benefits!”
“Okay. Move in with me. We’ll work everything out.”
“It’s the same thing!”
“You’re in love with me, and you know it.”
“Yes, I love you, but that doesn’t mean I have to do anything about it!”
“What about Patrick? Didn’t you start that relationship in bed?” The words sprang from nowhere, and he knew he’d said the worst thing possible. He expected to feel the palm of her hand across his cheek. Instead, she stepped back, gaping, eyes flooding with tears.
“Yes. I suppose you could say that.” Her voice was quiet again, trembling, rational. “And you know how well that turned out.”
Roman caught her wrist. “You just admitted you’re in love with me, and now you’re leaving? Make me understand the logic.”
All the steam went out of her when she looked at him. Tears spilled down her cheeks. “Why bother? You wouldn’t understand. You don’t want anything more from me than Patrick ever did.” Her voice broke. She yanked free and left him standing in the entry. She slammed the door as she went out.
Grace sobbed all the way back to the cottage. She was shaking, still pulsing with the emotions he’d stirred in her. How could she have allowed herself to fall in love with Roman Velasco? She’d known the minute she met him that he was trouble. She should have run that first day. She never should have given in to temptation and rented this cottage.
She couldn’t work for him anymore, not under these circumstances. If Roman came over right now, she’d weaken. She’d let him in, hoping he’d say he loved her. How easy it would be to convince herself everything he suggested would be fine. Wasn’t everyone doing it? Who got married anymore? A few more kisses would end whatever resistance she had. She’d never felt knee-weakening, heart-pounding desire for anyone before Roman, not ever. If he touched her again, she’d let him stay.
She’d let passion rule once before and paid the price. She was still paying.