Why wasn’t it this easy to talk to Roman?
She knew the answer.
Brian helped with the dishes. She made decaf to go with the tiramisu. Brian sat at one end of the sofa closest to the swivel rocker where she sat. She remembered Roman stretched out right there, Samuel draped on his chest as they both slept. Her heart beat a little faster.
“What are you thinking about, Grace?”
Roman, of course, but she wasn’t going to confess to it. She didn’t want to think about another man tonight. She shouldn’t be thinking about him at all. “Nothing important.” She shook her head, trying to push Roman from her mind. “You said there were things you wanted to talk over with me.” Brian had covered a lot of topics, but still seemed to have another on his mind.
Brian nodded slowly. He set his coffee mug aside and leaned forward, his hands clasped between his knees. “We need to talk about where our relationship is going.”
She hadn’t expected him to be so blunt. “I think that’s up to you.”
“We’re both looking for permanence. Isn’t that so?”
Grace felt a sudden misgiving, a reluctance she hadn’t felt with Brian before now. “Yes.” She could hear the hesitation in her voice.
“We like each other.” Brian spread his hands. “We can talk about everything. We share the same faith. We’re both striving to be disciples of Christ.”
She felt inexplicably nervous, wishing he’d stop.
“Even with all that going for us, there’s something missing.” His smile was apologetic. “From what you’ve told me about your marriage, I’m not sure you know what I’m talking about.”
Grace had never seen Brian so embarrassed. She knew what he was trying to say. “No spark.”
He nodded. “If that’s all you have, it’s not enough to build a marriage, but if you have everything else, it makes it that much better.”
Grace felt the prick of hot tears. What if you felt that spark for someone who was inappropriate? What if you could barely catch your breath when you were with a man who didn’t know how to love, didn’t want to love anyone? What then?
“I never meant to hurt you, Grace.”
“It’s not you, Brian.” She shrugged. “I’ve felt that spark. I just wish it was with the right man.”
“Someone other than Roman Velasco, you mean.”
Her face went hot. “Why would you say that?”
“I knew the minute I saw you at the hospital. A woman doesn’t get that upset over a man unless she’s in love with him.”
She almost wept. “Is that why you’re saying this now?”
“No.” He put his palms together, avoiding her eyes. “The thing is I met someone . . . I’d like to get to know her better.” He raised his head. “And you know her.”
Everything became clear in an instant. “Shanice.”
Brian looked surprised. “How did you know?”
She smiled slightly. “The way you two were talking in the hospital waiting room.” She’d sensed at the time something had happened between them, but she had forgotten all about it. She laughed. Oh, the irony. “I’ll remind her that she’s the one who picked you out.”
“For you.”
She leaned forward and took his hand. “She thought you were a good prospect.”
Roman cleaned up before Grace arrived the next morning. When she brought his coffee to the studio, he told her Jasper was coming for a visit this weekend. He’d called late last night after Roman had dragged himself home. Grace’s face lit up like Christmas was just around the corner. “That’s great! I’m planning a barbecue on Saturday. You and Jasper are welcome to join us.”
Roman had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t have to wonder if Brian Henley would be at the party. “You can tell Jasper when he gets here. I may have other plans.” He wondered at the flicker of confused disappointment.
Roman stayed in the studio the rest of the day, making sketches of the hills, his mind still on what had happened the night before. He hadn’t even asked the officer’s name. Talia might have his card. Or Grace would have made a note in her organizer. Better not to ask. He refocused on the figure he was sketching. He smudged a black line, softening it. He studied the curving lines he’d added. Would Grace see what he was hiding in this picture?
Grace returned. He ignored her until she cleared her throat. He didn’t look at her as he covered his work. “What’s up?”
“I’m sorry to break your concentration, but I have a few messages to give you before I leave.” Roman held out his hand as she came closer. She glanced at his drafting table. “Something new?”
“I’ve been inspired by your line.”
“May I see?” She leaned forward.
He inhaled the fresh, sweet scent of her. Was she wearing perfume? Or did she always smell this good? He imagined burying his face in the curve of her neck. Other images teased him, and he planted his hand on the sketchbook. “Not yet.” His voice came out rough. She glanced at him, and he saw her pupils dilate. His heart pounded like he’d been on a long run. “Back off.”
She did. “Have I done something wrong?”
“No. I’m just trying to . . .” To what? Protect himself?
“I didn’t mean to pry.”
“I’m glad you’re interested.” If that look had been a hint of what she was feeling, why was she spending so much time with Brian Henley? She was close enough that he could touch her. He made a fist and pressed it against his injured leg.
“Is your leg hurting you?”
“It’s something I’m going to have to live with. A reminder of what happened.” He was afraid of how much she mattered to him. She’d be walking out of his life soon. “I’ll have to find a good masseuse.” He gave her a teasing grin, trying to lighten the tension between them. “Unless you want to volunteer.”
“Very funny.” She stepped away.
He spoke before he thought better of it. “We’re back to the old routine, aren’t we?” Not that he wanted it that way. He missed the closeness they’d shared on the road and in the hospital, but feared it, too. He wanted to reach out and take her hand, but didn’t.
That road trip had turned his life upside down and inside out. He got into the car the first day thinking it would be good to get to know his personal assistant on a more personal basis. How many other lies had he told himself? He’d left full of pride and purpose, thinking he could manage his own life on his own terms, and returned physically broken, spiritually awakened, and mentally confused.
She took another step back. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Roman nodded. He could almost feel the walls going up, not just his, but hers. Maybe they weren’t so different. He could tell her the truth—that he didn’t have any answers about anything anymore, that seeing her with another man made him physically ill, that he wanted more, but was afraid to think about how much more he wanted.
GRACE PUT SAMUEL in the playpen and gave him his Baby Einstein piano toy. Ashley arrived with a big bowl of homemade potato salad, a tray of brownies balanced on top. “I was in the mood to bake last night. If I don’t get these brownies out of my house, I’ll eat every one of them.”
Nicole arrived red-eyed and pale. “I need to borrow a bowl.” Shanice came in on her heels with a big pot of Boston baked beans.
Ashley looked through the open doorway to the patio. “Where’s Charles? I thought he was coming today.”
“He had to work.” Nicole ripped open a package of salad, dumped it into Grace’s bowl, took a bottle of raspberry-pecan vinaigrette out of her bag, and plunked it on the table.
Nicole gave Shanice a fierce look. “And before you say a word, I already know if I had any brains, I’d quit and find another job.”
Shanice’s eyes widened. “I didn’t say anything.”
“No, but you were thinking it.”
Shanice put her pot on the stove and faced Nicole. “All I’ve ever said is guard your heart. I’ve had mine broken a few times. We all have.”