We stared at each other in tense silence and then he cleared his throat. “Good. We heard you weren’t doing so well this morning. It’s good to see you smiling again.”
I took a sharp intake of breath at his words and then nodded. “Thank you.”
Just then his phone rang and he answered the call. “Yeah?” He listened for a moment, his face growing frustrated. “Okay. Clean up the mess before the police comes.”
“Was that Phoenix?” Nikolay asked when Viktor hung up.
He nodded. “Yeah. There’s a mess at the club. I’m going to check it out. Phoenix is cleaning up.”
“I’m coming,” Nikolay said.
Viktor chuckled and then shook his head. “Let the boy on his own a little. I think he can handle it without you being a mother hen.”
Mother hen? Nikolay?
I hid my laugh with a cough.
“I’m not a fucking mother hen,” Nikolay growled, glaring at Viktor before sending me a glare of his own. My laughter quickly died but the smile was still there.
“Then don’t act like one.” Viktor laughed, quickly walking away.
“Fuck you.”
Nikolay rubbed his face, making a frustrating sound.
“Is Viktor always like this?” I asked.
“Annoying as fuck? Yes,” he replied.
“I think he is funny,” I said with a shrug.
“Don’t ever say that to him. He’ll never stop then.”
This time I let out a laugh, while shaking my head.
I saw his expression soften and then he nodded. “It’s good to see you like this.”
I ducked my head shyly and mumbled a quick thank you.
We were both silent and from the corner of my eye, I saw him lean against the wall beside my door. Nikolay sighed and then cleared his throat. “After the incident in the bathroom, we had a few guesses but never asked because we didn’t want to push you,” he said. “I know what happened.”
“I—”
“I’m not telling you this to make you feel ashamed. I’m telling you this because I want you to know that no one would think of you any different just because of what happened to you. We all have a past here. All of us have secrets so we wouldn’t judge you. One thing you would find here is that no one is ever going to judge you. We are all fucked up, you know.”
His words brought tears to my eyes and I quickly blinked them away. Nikolay proved me wrong every time. I remembered the first time I met him. He was so scary, mean, and rude. He appeared heartless, ruthless, and emotionless. Just like Alessio.
“Especially Alessio,” he continued. “He is a good man.”
“Did Alessio tell you?” I whispered.
“No. He didn’t have to. When he came to the gym and sparred with us, his actions were enough to let us know.”
Swiping the tears that had fell down, I looked down at my feet. “Why do you guys fight like this?”
“Ayla, we kill people. We are part of a Bratva, feared by everyone. Sometimes, when we can’t spill the blood of whom we want, we have to take out the anger somewhere else.”
“Oh,” I murmured.
“Right. I will leave you to your work now,” he said, pushing away from the wall.
“Wait,” I called. He turned around and faced me, his face impassive as always. “You said Alessio was a good man…” Walking over to him, I placed a hand over his heart. “You are a good man too.”
His breath caught in his throat, but he stayed silent.
“I know the difference between someone who is bad and who is good. And you…you are good. You care even though you try to hide it,” I said.
Nikolay was a man who hid behind a mask of anger, just like Alessio. But deep inside, they all cared.
I brought my hand up and placed it on his cheek, right over the scar. He flinched but didn’t move away. “You hide behind your scars. You use them as a barrier, thinking that they would keep people away. It worked, didn’t it?”
“Ayla,” he said, his voice filled with pain.
“You think they’re ugly. You think they represent a weakness. But they don’t. Your scars represent your strength,” I said, Maddie’s words rolled off my tongue. I hoped that they would have the same effect on Nikolay as they had on me.
And they did. I saw his eyes soften the slightest bit and he cleared his throat again. “You have a kind heart, Ayla.”
I smiled and then let out a small laugh, rubbing a finger over his scar. “You know…your scars don’t make you ugly…they make you look…” I paused for a moment, trying to think of the word that Maddie used to describe Nikolay. When it finally came to mind, I quickly said it. “Sexy.”
His eyes widened in shock.
Did I just say that?
I pulled my hand away from Nikolay’s face and took a step backward. He raised an eyebrow at me.
“That was Maddie—”
“So, you don’t think I’m sexy?”
“What? No. You are sexy. Wait, no, I mean your scars don’t make you look ugly. They are nice. I mean, you look good with them. Yeah…” I stumbled over my words, rambling as I tried to fix what I said but instead made it worse.
Snapping my mouth shut, I stared at Nikolay mutely. The right corner of his lips twitched in the slightest bit but it looked painful, as if he was having trouble lifting his lips in a smile.
The scar ran down to his lips and I wondered if it was because of it that he couldn’t smile.
“Just don’t tell Alessio that you called me sexy,” he teased, his eyes shining with mischievously.
“Right. I should get to work. I’ve wasted enough time,” I said.
“Yeah. Go ahead.” Nikolay moved out of my way and I quickly walked away.
As I walked downstairs, I had a smile on my face.
I had just realized I was surrounded with so much love.
Chapter 50
Nikolay
As I watched Ayla walk away, I shook my head. She was too innocent. Too kind and sweet to live in this world. She shouldn’t be here.
But Alessio had claimed her. Boss was already too deep in to let her go now. He cared too much.
He loved too much, even if he didn’t see it or realize it yet, it was there. In his eyes.
Love shouldn’t exist in this life. It was too dangerous. We would only get burned in the end. We couldn’t have any weaknesses.
That was Alessio’s rule.
No love. No weakness.
But Ayla was now Alessio’s weakness.
As she faded from my view, I leaned against the wall again. She said I was a good man. So gullible.
My phone rang in my pocket and I answered the call without looking at the caller ID.
“I need to see you now,” a demanding voice said.
“Okay,” I replied before hanging up.
Ayla was wrong.
I wasn’t a good man. I had done horrible things and I didn’t even feel guilty about them.
I was a coldblooded killer. Heartless. Ruthless. A betrayer.
Striding into Alessio’s office, I found him sitting behind his desk. He looked up when I came in, and nodded.
“I need to take care of some things.”
Alessio stared at me for a few seconds, his gaze penetrating. “Okay,” he said. I turned around, but before I could walk out, his voice stopped me. “You should clean your hand.”
I looked down at my fist and saw the bloodied knuckles. The same fist that I had just punched into the wall before coming into his office.