“Ayla—”
“Please don’t ask me about him. I don’t want to talk about him. Please, Alessio.”
He stared into my eyes for a second before reluctantly nodding. “Okay. When you are ready.”
I placed my head on his shoulder again and closed my eyes as his arms wrapped around my waist again. We were both silent for some time. Only our breathing could be heard and I felt his heart pounding under my hand as I laid it on his chest.
We were both content, holding each other in silence.
“Alessio.”
“Yes?”
“Do you think of me differently now? Because of what happened?” My voice was quiet, just a whisper as I uttered the words. My hands were shaking.
Alessio’s arm tightened around me and he placed a kiss on my head. He pulled away, forcing me to bring my head up from his shoulder. Our eyes met. Blue to green. The world stilled for a moment and he was all I could see.
Palming my cheeks, he gave me a small smile. “No. Not a chance, Ayla. That thought never even came to my mind. What happened wasn’t your fault. Rape is never justified. You are a victim and that bastard deserves to die.”
Leaning his forehead against mine, he continued in the same soft voice. “Yes. I do think of you differently. But not the way you are thinking. Now, I think you are strong. You have endured this, yet you are still here, fighting. That’s all that matters. What has happened to you would never change my mind about you. Never.” Placing a kiss on my nose, he smiled. “I don’t think anything could ever change how I feel about you.”
My cheeks felt wet and that was when I realized that I was crying again. Sniffling, I brought a hand up and cupped his cheek.
He smiled a little wider. I rubbed my thumb over the dimple on his cheek, my tears running down my face.
“I’m no good for you, Alessio,” I whispered. “I’m not worthy of you.”
My heart clenched at my words.
“Ayla, no!” Alessio said, his eyes widening.
Smiling sadly, I rubbed my fingers softly over his cheek. “It’s the truth. You are too good. Too accepting. You are a good man with a kind heart, but I’m not good for you.”
Because I’m not who you think I am, I continued in my head.
“Stop,” he scolded, shaking his head furiously. “Don’t say that, Ayla.”
“I’m not the one for you. You think you know the whole truth, but you don’t.” I continued, my fingers tracing his eyebrows and then his forehead. “I wish I could be someone else. I wish I didn’t have the past I had. You and I…we can’t ever be one.”
He closed his eyes tightly, his body slightly shaking with the force of his emotions. “Don’t say that, Ayla.”
“You would hate me if you knew my truth,” I whispered. The words flew out of my mouth, my heart shattering in the process.
“What happened to you was not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. It doesn’t matter to me. All I want is you,” he confessed, pressing his lips ever so gently on mine.
If only he knew the whole truth. He wouldn’t be saying those words to me.
“I will only hurt you in the end, Alessio,” I murmured against his lips.
“I’ll take my chances,” he fired back.
“Alessio—”
He cut me off with a bruising kiss. Closing my eyes, I absorbed his kiss as my lips moved against his.
Slightly pulling away, his fingers tightened on my braid. “It’s me who isn’t worthy of you, Ayla. I have blood on my hands. I have killed so many people that I have lost count. I’m a monster, Ayla. I’m not a good man. But you…you are perfect. You are an angel.”
I gasped at his words and slowly opened my eyes.
“You have it in reverse. Whatever you said, it’s the opposite,” he continued.
“I’m fire. I will only burn you in the end,” I murmured against his lips.
He smiled. “The fire is raging, then. I don’t know if I’ll burn in the end or not. But I don’t want to give up on us. If I burn, then I will go with a smile, knowing that I had this little moment with you. Even if it was a little while.”
“Don’t do this, Alessio.”
He kissed me again. I couldn’t reject him. I was weak against his words. They were words that I wanted to hear…that I desperately needed, so I hung on even when I knew I shouldn’t.
I couldn’t push him away. I pulled him toward me, kissing him back with the same fervor. We kissed away all the pain as our hearts came together as one, the pull between us too strong to fight.
This intangible connection…I felt it deep inside my soul.
“I’m not giving up on you, Ayla. So, don’t give up on us either,” he murmured before claiming my lips again.
And in this very moment, I was thankful that I had gotten in his car.
For he had restored my shattered heart and broken soul.
Alessio had breathed new life into me.
Chapter 49
Ayla
I was walking out of my room when I saw Alessio limping up the stairs, his face and hands bloodied. “Alessio!” I exclaimed in panic.
He grimaced. “Ayla, I thought you were downstairs,” he muttered, his voice laced with pain.
“I was in my room. I was headed downstairs now to help Lena and Maddie with dinner,” I said. Bringing a hand up, I was about to touch his face but then stopped, scared that I would hurt him further. “What happened?” I asked worriedly.
“Nothing. I was just sparring with Viktor and Nikolay.” He flicked his wrist and shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly, as if it didn’t matter.
“Sparring? You are bloody and hurt. What type of sparring is that?” I took his hand and pulled him toward his room. “I’ll clean your wounds.”
“No. It’s okay. You have to help Lena. I’ll do it.” He tried to pull his hand away but I tightened my fingers. When he hissed in pain, I quickly let go.
“You are hurt, Alessio. Let me help,” I said, my chest aching at seeing him in pain. He smiled and bent down, placing a quick kiss on my lips.
“I’m fine. Really. It just looks bad because I’m not cleaned up. I’m not even that hurt.”
“But…”
He cut me off with another kiss. “Ayla. Go. Stop worrying so much.”
He gave me a wink and walked into his room, closing the door behind him.
Most of the day was spent with Alessio. We ate breakfast together in my room and then went to the creek. After our confessions this morning, we didn’t talk about it again.
I thought I could let him go, but I couldn’t.
I just hoped that he wouldn’t hate me when he learned my whole truth.
After tying my apron around my waist, I strode out of my room but stopped when I saw Viktor and Nikolay standing in front of my doorway, both of their expressions unreadable. They were clean compared to Alessio but I could see the bruises on their faces and hands.
“Can I help you?” I asked nervously.
Nikolay stayed quiet, so Viktor replied. “No. We just wanted to see how you were doing.”
Confused, I played with the hem of my dress. “I’m doing good.”