I felt him coming closer and then the bed shifted under his weight. Closing my eyes tightly, my fingers tightened around the comforter.
“Here. Wear this,” Alessio said.
My nightgown was lying in front of me. I swallowed hard and trembled slightly when he knelt down, and with one hand, he pulled the comforter away, his movement gentle as he watched all my reactions carefully.
I had to stare up into his face and he quickly pulled the nightgown over my head and waited for me to put my arms through. Not once did he look away from my face. He didn’t even look down at my naked body.
Instead, he kept his eyes away, giving me respect.
Respect…something I never had in my life before. Yet Alessio was here, being gentle, sweet, and so considerate that it made my heart ache.
Keeping my eyes on his, I placed my arms through it and Alessio pulled the nightgown down the rest of my body, eventually covering my naked self from his eyes.
He slowly brought a hand up and gently moved my hair away from my face, pushing the strands behind my ears so that my face was fully visible to him. Alessio cupped my jaw and rubbed his thumb over my cheek and then under my eyes.
“Ayla,” he murmured, his eyes showing me raw emotions. I couldn’t look into his bluish eyes anymore.
I saw pain there. Anger. Desperation. Sadness. Grief. Heartbreak.
So I glanced away from his mesmerizing eyes. I looked away before I could see the disgust.
Because it should be there, shouldn’t it?
Why was he even touching me? Why was he being so sweet and gentle?
Wasn’t he disgusted by me?
Alberto’s words resonated in my ears and I closed my eyes tightly against the memories, trying to shut them out.
No man would ever want you.
Maybe he was right.
Who would want me?
Not after what Alberto has done. Not after he ruined me.
“Ayla, look at me. Don’t cast your eyes away like that.”
I shook my head and pulled away from me. “I need to use the bathroom.”
I needed to get out of there. Away from him, his sweet words and his understanding eyes.
“Ayla—” I shook my head again.
“Alessio, please,” I begged this time, my voice hoarse with tears. He sighed, letting my jaw go. I quickly got off the bed and walked out of his room on shaky legs.
As soon as I was in mine, I closed the door and went straight into my bathroom, swiping my tears on the way.
I didn’t look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I kept my eyes away from it as I brushed my teeth and washed my face, removing the evidence of my crying.
After changing into my uniform, I mechanically combed my hair, feeling strange and weak. After so long I have had a break down. I almost forgot how it felt.
I was so lost in my happiness that I had forgotten the painful truth I’d been hiding from Alessio and everyone else.
I was still the enemy’s daughter. Alberto’s fiancée. I was an Abandonato.
Shaking my head at my own stupidity, I leaned against the sink as a new wave of tears assaulted me. I was in too deep and now it was impossible to go back now
Even if I tried to forget what I had with Alessio…I couldn’t forget. The memories were etched deep inside my heart and soul.
His touches. His gentle caresses. His soft and then possessive kisses. His sweet words. His enthralling bluish-steel eyes. Our moments together…I couldn’t forget.
Because I felt it. Every day. Every minute. Every second. I felt it deep inside my soul.
The tears ran down my cheeks and I brought a hand up to my mouth, covering the sob that threatened to come out.
Instead of escaping, I ended up trapping myself.
I cried for the gruesome memories that continued to assault my mind. And then I cried for the dreams and the future that I desperately wanted to hold on…but they seemed impossible.
After my tears had dried out, I stood up and washed my face again. I quickly braided my hair into a French braid and then stepped out into the bathroom.
But my steps faltered and I froze at the sight of Alessio pacing my room.
He must have heard me because he quickly swiveled around toward me, his shoulders dropping in relief. “You were taking so long. I got worried,” he said. He took a step toward me but stopped when I moved back. “Ayla?” His brow furrowed. “Don’t do this, Ayla.”
“Please go,” I whispered brokenly.
He shook his head and took a step toward me again. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Alessio, leave. Please. I don’t want you here.”
“No.”
Growing frustrated at his stubbornness, my head snapped up and I stared into his eyes. “Why won’t you leave me alone?” I screamed.
“I’m not leaving you alone like this. I didn’t leave you last night and I’m not leaving you now.”
“Alessio…please…don’t do this. I can’t do this now.”
Instead of caving in to my begging, he walked forward, stopping right in front of me. Alessio wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. “I’m not letting you go.”
My hands instinctively came up and I grasped his shirt tightly. “Why do you keep doing this?” I sobbed.
“Because I can’t have you go back into that dark place. I need you here with me,” he replied gently. He bent down, wrapping an arm around my waist and then behind my legs before pulling me up, cradling me into his chest.
I placed my head on his shoulder as he carried me to my bed. Alessio sat down, keeping me into his warm and protective embrace as he settled me sideways on his lap.
“Ayla, talk to me,” he said after a few minutes of silence. When I didn’t answer, he sighed, his arm tightening around me. “Please.”
“What do you want me to say, Alessio?” I whispered tiredly, keeping my face buried in his neck.
“Anything. Just talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”
“What do you want to know? You already know the truth, but if you want me to say it, I’ll say it. I was raped, Alessio. There. I was raped,” I said bitterly, harshly pulling away. I struggled, but his hold was tight.
He cupped my cheeks in the palms of his hands, tilting my head up to face him. “Ayla, do you know how strong you are? You are the strongest woman I have ever met. Your strength shines brighter than anyone else.”
“Alessio…” Never in a million years would I have thought that Alessio Ivanshov would utter such words to me. He gave me hope.
“I don’t know exactly what happened, and I’m not going to push you for more. You can tell me when you are ready. I will wait,” he said. “But please don’t shut me out. Don’t run away from me.”
We were both silent for a few seconds. He placed a kiss on my forehead, letting his lips linger there. “I didn’t expect you to say anything, but now that you have said it, please tell me who the fuck hurt you, so I can kill the motherfucker.”
I stared into his eyes.
They glinted with fury and such ferocious intensity that it took my breath away. I also saw the hurt and pain there.
But what surprised me most was that I didn’t see disgust. He didn’t look at me as if he hated me.
Remembering his question, I shook my head. His eyes lost the light there and he sighed. I couldn’t tell him.
I didn’t want this dream to end now. I wanted to continue living in this world.