“I don’t need help,” I say.
“It’s not that, I know you don’t need help. I just realized I’d be dead right now if it weren’t for you.”
I drop the tarp and meet his stare. “Oh.”
“And I realized I don’t want to be a dick to the person who saved my life.”
“Don’t be dramatic, Dyl.”
“I’m not being dramatic, Caden. Or we’re in a dramatic situation and I’m acting accordingly. So I wanted to say I’m sorry for manipulating you when we were competing. You’re a nice guy, no, a good guy, and it was mean. You didn’t deserve it.”
Using my foot, I push the last peg into the soft ground. It sinks in easily. This is an apology, which I guess is a good thing, but it hurts because it’s confirmation that everything we had was scripted.
“We agreed early on,” I say, “that we were going to give it our all. Giving it your all meant manipulating me, and I get that, Dyl.”
“I want to ask you something.”
His eyes flick toward the others, huddled around the campfire about fifty yards away. I’d say we’re just out of earshot.
I scratch my forearm. “Shoot.”
“Would you have still saved me if you knew what I was doing? Or did you only save me because you thought we were in love?”
“I never thought we were in love.”
“Tell me the truth, Caden. I know the real you well enough to tell when you bring out the Nice guy.”
I clench my fists, and I feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I wipe the end of my nose with my jacket sleeve. “I don’t know what you want me to say. Yes, Dyl, I was beginning to like you in a way I’ve never liked anyone else, and yes, I thought you maybe liked me back and that was scary and exciting. So I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t like you in the way that I do or if you weren’t particularly special to me. And if that’s the case I’m glad I started to feel that way toward you, because I don’t want to be the type of person who is okay with someone innocent dying. I just don’t. And if feelings for you are what made me wake up and see what’s right and what’s wrong, then I’ll always be thankful for them, no matter how this all ends.”
He’s staring at me.
In the distance, the fire crackles, an orange spark in all the hazy blue.
He breaks eye contact and walks past me toward the fire. I step aside to let him pass. Then he stops and looks back at me. He digs his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
“Just so you know,” he says. His voice is trembling. “You’re a cute guy, Caden. I’m sure you’re going to make some lucky boy really happy one day.”
“Um, thanks?”
“I know you will, because I … I liked our time together. It may have started as a lie, but I did enjoy spending time with you. In fact, it was maybe the most fun I’ve ever had. I thought you should know that.” He turns and heads toward the campfire.
I feel the smile coming and am powerless to stop it.
So, in the middle of a freezing forest:
My stomach fills with butterflies.
CHAPTER
THIRTY-TWO
“Can you pass the spaghetti, Caden?”
We’re all sitting around the campfire. I’m holding an ash-covered, fire-warmed can of spaghetti. I use a plastic fork to scoop up one last mouthful. The spaghetti is basically mush, but weirdly I like the taste. I swallow, then pass the can to Juliet.
She takes it silently and starts to eat, taking quick, big mouthfuls.
I turn my attention back to the flickering orange flames and move my hands out in front of me so my palms heat up. The biggest log, the one in the center of the fire, is gray and ashy, yet the end that’s out of the fire looks untouched.
“Juliet’s right,” I say. “We can fight them.”
Dyl murmurs something under his breath.
“Speak up, Dyl.”
“I said we can also die trying.”
“Maybe we will. I’m all in, but that’s my choice, and I don’t want to drag any of you into this unwillingly. So, Dyl, if you or anyone else doesn’t want to fight, you can leave. I won’t hold it against you.”
Dyl places an empty can of beans on the grass, then wipes his hands on his jeans. “If I leave and they catch you, they’ll torture you to find out as much as they can about my whereabouts. I … I wouldn’t be able to handle that, knowing they’re torturing you just to find me. But that’s not the only reason I’m staying. I want to fight them as well.”
“So do I,” says Natalie. “More than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
“I’m here for Natalie,” says Trev. “So I’ll do whatever she wants. So it looks like I’m fighting too.”
Juliet clambers to her feet. “This feels like too serious a decision to make over breakfast food.” She pulls her phone from her pocket and places the battery back inside. “But whatever. I’m going to try to see if I can figure out where the signal from the trackers is being sent. And then we can make our way there. I was trying most of last night, and I think I’m pretty close to getting it down. Give me a couple more hours and I’ll have it.”
After six agonizing hours in which all we do is wait, Juliet returns. She’s grinning, holding the phone up beside her face. I rise slowly. No way.
“I found it,” she says. “I did it.”
I rush toward her, grabbing her hands to look at the screen. It’s Google Maps, and a red light is flashing on it. The LIC. I stare at the blinking red light, my hands clenching so tight my nails dig into my skin. Mirrored hallways. Glass.
Hell on earth.
I remember who I used to be. Then I met Dyl and everything changed. I’m only just starting to discover who I am, and it’s all because I got out of there.
And I’m about to go back?
The others get up and crowd around us, each one of them trying to get a good look at the screen. Juliet slides her phone back into her pocket. “It’s about two days’ drive to the east of here.” She pulls out the tracker, then offers it to Dyl. “Here, you can smash this. I’ve got the signal locked, so it’s useless now.”
Dyl takes it from her and places it on the ground. One quick stomp and it’s done.
Natalie sighs. “Juliet, I’m so impressed you found the LIC, but what are we going to do when we get there? There are only five of us. And they have killer robots, an entire army of trigger-happy guards, and maybe even military support. How are we possibly going to break into that? We’ll get shot outside the walls and then they’ll burn us. All of us.”
“No, we won’t,” I say. “Because not all of us are going to go in. Not at first, at least. They want to take me inside to incinerate me, right?” Natalie and Dyl nod. “I say we let them. That way, I’ll be let in, and I can find a way to break free and then I can find a way to let you guys in. Then, together, we can use Juliet’s weapons to take them down.”