You’re going to learn that Jesse Spade is my son. I didn’t know until Monday when Madison told me; I wanted to tell you, I don’t know what stopped me. I think … deep down … that you would think I was a lesser person. That I should have known that I had a son. That I should have talked to my ex-girlfriend, figured it out. But I didn’t know, and I hate that I didn’t know.
And I think in the back of my mind, I knew you had a tough case. I didn’t want you to worry about me. Or be thinking that this was anything but a normal rescue situation. I wanted you to focus 100% on your case. I wanted you to find the lost girls. Distractions can mess with our heads, they can lead to mistakes—I should know. I have made many mistakes.
None of this means anything anymore. The only thing that matters is that you know I loved you with every cell in my body. That now that I’m gone, I want you to live and love again. You deserve it.
Yours now and always,
Sean
Lucy didn’t realize she was crying until her tears hit the paper.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Sean didn’t want to see Dean Hooper or Noah Armstrong tonight, but they’d both left urgent messages for him that he had been ignoring all afternoon.
He was on autopilot. Lucy was leaving him, and he didn’t know how to make it right. He didn’t know what to do. She loved him … but she was walking away.
When he finally checked his messages, he knew he had to go into FBI headquarters. He didn’t want to leave the house … would Lucy be there when he returned? But what could he do? There was a lot of fallout from what happened in Mexico. Some things he needed to clean up himself. And he didn’t know what else he could say to Lucy.
He arrived at FBI headquarters at six that night. When had he last slept? A bit on the plane when Jack took over flying.
He didn’t care. His life was falling apart around him.
Noah greeted him at the door. “You look like shit.”
“Good to see you, too, Noah.”
Noah almost said something else, but didn’t. “I would have waited until tomorrow, but we have a time crunch, and I need my ducks in a row before I talk to the judge tomorrow. But the most important component is Jesse.”
Sean pushed Lucy out of his head—as much as he could. His fears still clouded his head, but if Jesse was in trouble … He had to be able to fix one thing in his life.
“What happened?”
“Hooper and I took his statement. Do you know what he knows?”
“Some.”
“He figured out what Spade was doing and has some dangerous information. He’s a witness. Hooper doesn’t think we need him to testify against the Flores crime family, but they’re going to know he could potentially testify.”
“RCK will do everything to protect him.”
“Spade agreed to turn state’s evidence. He’s working with the AUSA now putting together his statement. He’s going to testify so Jesse doesn’t have to—on the condition that he and his family are put into witness protection.”
Sean stared at him. He might be slow tonight, but he knew what that meant.
“That bastard.”
“Sean—he knows a lot. We can take down not only the remaining Flores cartel members, but others.”
But if Jesse was in witness protection, Sean would never see him again.
He was losing both the love of his life and the son he barely knew.
“Let’s sit down,” Noah said and steered Sean into his office. He closed the door. “What’s going on?”
There was no way in hell Sean was telling Noah about what had happened between him and Lucy.
“It’s been a long fucking week.”
“Jesse had a lot to say.”
Sean didn’t say anything.
“He sees you and Kane as practically superheroes.”
“We didn’t do anything we wouldn’t have done for another kid in trouble.”
“He doesn’t want to go into witness protection. He refused, in fact. Had some choice things to say about his stepfather. But at the core, he realized that if he goes into witness protection, he’ll never see you again.”
Sean had no idea what to do or say. He didn’t know how to fix this. He didn’t know how to protect Jesse and get Lucy back.
“Hooper is bringing Madison and Jesse here. I think you are the only one who can convince Jesse that this is the best thing for him.” Noah paused. “Sean—RCK is the best in the business, but can you honestly say you can protect Jesse and his mother? Because Madison made it clear if Jesse doesn’t go, she won’t go. And Carson Spade made it clear if his wife and stepson aren’t with him, he’ll go to prison before turning state’s evidence.”
“Which puts Jesse in danger because he knows too much. Goddamn that bastard.”
“Where’s Lucy?” Noah asked.
I don’t know.
“Home.”