I rang the bell. It didn’t seem right to simply walk in. I was so nervous I thought I would vomit, and if it weren’t for the comforting encouragement from Liane’s hand, I probably would have.
Mother opened the door, a look of curiosity on her face. “Yes? Can I help you?”
I stood there for a bit and then raised my sunglasses. Mother still didn’t recognize me. I guess it was the scars.
“The hotel is right down the road there. Just go about another half mile and you’ll see it on your…” Her eyes widened, and she gasped, her hand moving up to clutch at her throat. She swallowed and tears sprang to her eyes. “Ford?”
I nodded and she just stared at me, her green eyes glinting with unshed tears. She lifted a hand and reached out to touch my chest. “You’re real,” she whispered and I nodded again, stepping away from her touch. Her fingers dangled there, hovering in the air before she brought them to her mouth to stifle a sob.
Over her shoulder, I saw Father coming down the stairs. His lips tightened and he hurried the rest of the way down. He was by Mother’s side in an instant.
She looked up at him, then back at me, the first tear streaking down her cheek. “He’s here. My prayers. All the prayers…” She took a step in my direction.
Flashes of memory came to me then. This woman singing to me. Chasing me in the yard. Playing games. I remembered us eating popcorn while watching endless movies. The time I once painted her toenails and got polish everywhere. Going for rides on the horses. Swimming. Making cookies. The time she squealed when she caught a fish. It was an assault on all of my senses.
Her smell.
Her laugh.
The way she hugged me so tight.
The way she was hugging me now.
I looked down at the top of her head, my hands by my side, and became furious at myself. No! This woman sent me away. Had me drugged. Bought the idea that I was crazy. Chose her other children over me.
Placing my hands on her shoulders, I pushed her back until she was at arm’s length. “Don’t touch me,” I told her and let her go. “You gave up that right long ago.”
Her face crumpled and Father pulled her to his chest. That’s when I noticed a young woman had approached, standing on the sidelines, looking at me curiously. I knew she had no clue who I was or why her mother was so distraught.
“Marga, go get Letty and tell her to bring some refreshments.” Father frowned at me. “I’m glad you came. It’s time this game came to an end.”
Marga just stood there. “Who are you?” she asked.
Father answered for me. “This is Ford.”
I nodded, and Marga gasped. “Ford? My brother Ford?”
“Yes,” I said, and she called out for Mark, who came bounding down the stairs.
When I saw Mark, it was instant dislike. I saw before me the young man who was where I should have been. Had it not been for him, I would still be the favored son; the one they would have searched for low and high. Instead, I was some sort of foundling, suddenly appeared on the doorstep to be invited into the family. He smiled at me and put out his hand to shake, but I was slow in shaking it. Beside me, Liane was gripping my arm, urging me to behave.
Mother spoke. “Is it really you? Where have you been? Are you alright? Where’s Bernie? Who is that with you? Are you home for good? Are you safe? Do the police know you’re here?”
I could tell she’d been accumulating all these questions for some time for they spilled out of her mouth as if she’d asked them a million times.
“I’m here, and I’m fine,” I began. I looked around for somewhere to sit and Father immediately recognized that we all needed to breathe this out.
“Let’s go into the family room,” he said and led the way, his arm around my mother’s shoulders.
The room was very large with vaulted ceilings. From the glance I got, it sat high above the barns and afforded whoever stood there a complete view of the entire operation. Mother had planned this very well. It had her handprint all over it. Father asked Letty to bring us coffee, and I raised my finger and asked for tea for Liane.
“Before we go any further, I want you all to meet my family.” I put my arm around Liane and hugged her to me. “This is my fiancé, soon to be my wife and my life,” I said, and Liane smiled. “Her name is Liane Coventry, and she is a zoologist. Her father is a vicar, and as soon as she opens her mouth, you’ll understand why they call him that.
“Pleased to meet you all,” Liane said, and her accent made them nod.
Father was the only one in possession of his manners at the moment as Mother only stared at me. He introduced everyone to Liane and then the room fell silent.
“Ford, I want to hear everything,” Mother said, wiping at the tears still spilling down her cheeks.
“I don’t go by Ford, Mother. It really never was my name. Long story short, I go by Hawk.”
“The bird you always wanted to be,” she remembered, and her look was wistful as she pictured the boy she’d sent away and compared him to the scarred man with sunglasses who sat across from her so unexpectedly.
“Bernie is dead, Mother.” She flinched at this and the tears instantly increased. I wish she’d had such compassion for me when she saw my scars, but evidently she had her priorities.
“What happened?”
I looked at Marga and Mark with a glance and Mother nodded. “It’s okay.”
“Bernie went to the wrong part of town for some entertainment and didn’t come home. I found him the next morning and took care of his body. He’s in a river deep in Mexico, although by now he’s probably part of a tree or a fish.”
I thought about Liane’s remark regarding trees and looked at her, squeezing her hand. She smiled in encouragement.
“I had no money and no way to pay for my living, as you both know.” I couldn’t do anything but let the sarcasm out like putrid air in an old tire. “I was attacked by a group of boys who thought I had money, and they did this to my face. I was lucky to live through it. That happened while Bernie was still alive and he sewed my face together as best as he could. He wouldn’t get a doctor because he was afraid we’d be found out.”
Mother piped up, her eyes finally taking on some life. “We can have plastic surgery and make that all better,” she said in a voice that was authoritative, as if she was planning a barbecue.
Anger burned hot in my chest. “I like my face as it is and Liane loves me the way I am. I’m sorry you don’t. I’m also sorry that I won’t let a surgeon at me just to make me more presentable to your friends.”
Mother’s hand went up over her mouth as my words sunk in and Father quickly said, “Now, Ford — errr, Hawk, let’s not make this harder than it already is.”
I nodded and went on. “I managed to get back to the States and spent most of the last decade in California building a business and going to college. As you’re probably now aware, I bought the farm west of here not long ago and moved in.”