“Trust me, I had no clue,” Erika said. I finally opened my front door and within seconds, I was flopped on my sofa. “Kellan sent out an S.O.S. for him I guess. It’s a mess. He’s supposed to be staying with us for a while.”
“A while?” I asked, perking up. “How long is a while? Is he there now?” I debated walking over to her house just to see his face. Just to make sure he was real.
“Aly,” she scolded, her voice sounding a lot like Mom’s when she’d discipline us as kids. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t go back down that road. Logan Silverstone is out of your life. And I think it’s best if we keep it that way.”
How is he supposed to stay out of my life if he’s literally blocks away from me, staying with my sister?
“I was just curious, Erika. Seriously.” I paused, listening to the noise coming through the phone. She was rearranging her whole house; I just knew it. I could hear her pushing the furniture around. Whenever Erika was nervous or upset, she always rearranged things, or accidentally broke items, which she would quickly run to the store to replace. It was a weird quirk about her, but I left a boy a message each day for almost five years—everyone had their weird quirks. “Wow, he must have really gotten under your skin,” I said, pulling out a tube of lipstick and applying it over and over again. “I can hear you moving things around.”
“Can you blame me? It’s like the ghost of Christmas past showing up and saying, ‘Oh? Are you under some stress? Well, let me come screw things up a little more for you.’”
“How many plates have you broken so far?”
“Only one, thankfully,” she sighed. “I had extras in the storage closet though.” Of course she did. She was always ready for almost any kind of incident. “He was smoking and leaving ashes on my saucer, Alyssa! Who does that?”
I snickered. “Better than on your five hundred dollar coffee table.”
“Do you think that’s funny?”
A little.
“No, it’s not funny. Sorry. Look, I’m sure after a few days, things will get back to normal. You probably won’t even know that Logan’s there.”
“Do you think he’s still using?” she whispered through the phone. “Kellan’s in denial, but I don’t know. I think this is a terrible, terrible idea. The timing couldn’t be worse.”
“He looked good,” I said, walking to my bathroom, staring in the mirror at my messy lips with too much ruby red color to them. I picked up a wet wipe and started wiping the lipstick away, thinking about Logan’s eyes that reminded me so much of yesterday. “He actually looked really great. Healthy.”
“You don’t worry, though? That he’ll relapse? Being back in this place where all of his trouble started can’t be good.”
“I think that we shouldn’t overthink everything. One day at a time. One broken plate at a time, Erika.”
She snickered. “Are you sure you don’t want to come over to join us for dinner? Mom will be here to greet Logan.”
Oh no. Poor Logan.
My mom was far from his biggest fan. And the last time Logan saw her, he called her a belittling monster.
“As much as I would love to be a part of that train wreck, I think I’ll have to pass.” Seeing Logan earlier made my mind dizzy. I wasn’t certain that I could’ve handled seeing him again. Even if a big part of my heart wanted to stare at him, just to make sure he was real. “Anyway, have fun tonight, and text me all of the disastrous details.”
“Will do. And Alyssa?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t fall back down the Logan rabbit hole. No good comes from that.”
“I won’t. And Erika?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t break a freaking lamp.”
“Deal.”
***
I pulled out the box.
The box that was supposed to be destroyed years ago. The box that Erika thought I got rid of because I let him go after the million voice messages I’d left him. But it was packed under my mattress, with all of our memories inside.
I took off the lid and went through all of the photos of us from when we were younger. I lifted the pressed daisy from when he first kissed me. I pulled out the teddy bear he stole from the amusement park when the guy cheated me out of the main prize.
The ticket stubs from the movies we went to.
The birthday cards he always handmade me.
His lighter.
“Why did you have to do this to me?” I whispered, lifting the red hoodie that he gave to me the first time we hung out. I smelled it, and could almost still smell the cigarette smoke traces that he left in the fabric. “Why did you have to come back?”
In the bottom of the box was a framed silver fork. I closed my eyes as I held it in my hands. I sat in the pile of memories until it was time to pack up the box and put it back under my bed.
I’d get rid of them one day, I was certain of it.
Just not today.
Chapter Nineteen
Logan