I arched an eyebrow in question. “The wrestler, Ric Flair?”
She nodded with a smile creeping across her lips.
“The Nature Boy, Ric Flair?” I threw in his signature “woo” just so there was no confusion.
She nodded again, her smile stretching wide.
“I honestly have no idea if you’re serious right now.”
She laughed. “I’m completely serious.”
I leaned away to get a full read on her face, still not believing her. “You were a wrestling fan?”
“No! And I think that’s the part that stuck with me. Lizzy didn’t have to know who he was. She just needed to feel special. I worked my ass off to fulfill my dreams of making a living out of music. The split second I got a song on the radio, I started spending my weekends with sick kids. Half of them didn’t even know who I was at first, but they would still smile and laugh as I walked in the room. I saw Lizzy’s face in every single one of them. Once I became more known, the pressure only built. I had to do more. Give more. Be there more.” The words lodged in her throat, and I could feel her heart slamming wildly in her chest.
She was working herself into a panic attack from just talking about it. I couldn’t imagine how she had dealt with it on a daily basis.
“Shhh. Relax.” I squeezed her tight to my chest.
“Goddammit.” She banged her fist against the mattress. “I promised myself I was taking my life back today. And look at me. I can’t even talk about this without losing my shit.”
“Your view on life is seriously warped,” I told her matter-of-factly.
Her whole body flinched, making it clear that those words weren’t the sugarcoating she had been expecting from me. But someone had to tell her.
“You’re not Spiderman.” I smirked.
“And you’re not funny,” she deadpanned.
“Yes, I am. But hear me out. You can’t save everyone. I get it, Levee, because for so fucking long, I felt the same way. Hell, after the way I freaked out when you went missing today, I might still feel that way. But at least I can recognize it. For years, I beat myself up over the fact that I wasn’t there sooner the day my dad killed himself. The guilt ate at me. Until one day, my mom sat me down and explained that I wasn’t Spiderman.” I laughed at the memory. “Keep in mind, I was sixteen when she told me this, not ten. But, God, it was the most freeing thing anyone ever said to me after he died. I was just one person. I couldn’t be everywhere for everyone. Not for Dad. Not even for Anne.”
“Sam, that wasn’t—”
I didn’t give her a chance to tell me what I already knew. “It wasn’t my fault. I know. I just wish I could have done more. It’s the struggle of decent people everywhere. Levee, that’s not a bad feeling to have. It only becomes bad when those wishes consume you and when you get so wrapped up in helping people that you lose sight of the toll it’s taking on you. I could have sat with Anne twenty-four-seven. My mom could have done the same for my dad. You could easily toss your career in the trash and go on a world tour of hospitals everywhere, but how would that affect you? At some point, you have to make your own life a priority. No one else can do that for you. Not a doctor or your family and friends. Hell, not even I can do it. That’s on you, Levee.”
Tears filled her eyes. “That’s not true. You do that for me all the time. I don’t feel so out of control when I’m with you.”
I couldn’t fault her there. She did that for me, too. She was just confused on what it was.
“No I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No. I really don’t.”
“Yes, you really do!” she snapped, starting to get angry.
I couldn’t help but laugh as she narrowed her eyes at me. I rubbed my fingers over the pinched skin between her brows. “You’re going to give yourself wrinkles if you keep doing that. I need you to stay hot so I can show you off to my friends when you finally let me tell them.”