“And old,” Sam scoffed, clearly not enjoying my parade of exes.
I giggled as he cussed under his breath. “Anyway, what I’m saying is I’ve had a lot of distractions in my life. So I can say without a single doubt that you, Sam Rivers, are not one of them.”
“Levee—” he started, but I silenced him with a kiss.
“From the moment I first met you, you made the world lighter. You didn’t even know you were doing it at first. But just knowing you would be on that bridge every night soothed the madness that was ricocheting around inside my head. You made me laugh, and like Ric Flair”—I paused while he chuckled—“you made me feel special. The relief I felt in your arms made the craziness manageable. You were never a distraction to me, Sam. You were always my reprieve.”
I smiled, hoping to receive one in return, but as he traced a finger down my cleavage, concern covered the strong angles of his face.
“I fucking love that. I really do. But what if, one day, I’m not there for you? I’m worried that you won’t have the right mindset about this. I can’t fix your problems just by making you laugh.”
“Maybe not. But I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few weeks and especially today. I don’t want to learn how to cope with my old life. I want it to change. I dreamed for years about getting to where I am today, but I’ve lost myself in the spotlight. I miss writing songs, Sam. Did you know I only wrote four of the twelve on my last album?”
He shook his head and began sliding his callused hands up and down my sides. Chill bumps pebbled my skin in their wake.
“I swore I’d never be that artist. Writing music was always my passion, long before I ever even dreamed of taking to a stage myself. I started jotting down lyrics right after Lizzy died—I couldn’t even play guitar yet. Maybe that’s who I’m supposed to be, because I’m quickly realizing I might not be cracked up for the fast lane of fame.”
His hands stilled. “Are you saying you want to quit?”
“No! But maybe taking a step back for a little while isn’t a bad idea. I could write some music and remember why I wanted this life to begin with.”
He skeptically arched an eyebrow. “Levee, I think a break is a brilliant idea. But, if I’m being honest, I’m concerned that, if you don’t get some real help, you’ll find yourself spending even more time at hospitals, killing yourself in a different way.”
God, I loved the way he gave it to me straight. Which was exactly why I knew I could handle this transition with him at my side.
“I’ve always gone to the children’s hospitals, Sam. But it wasn’t until recently that it became some sort of addiction. I need someone who can help me keep that in perspective—to tell me when I start getting off-balance. I’m obsessive about stuff. It’s who I am, but I’m not irrational. Henry used to be my voice of reason, but he has his own life now, and it’s dragging us in different directions.”
Bending down, I kissed him. Then I kissed him again. Then I kissed him as if it were the very last time, and as far as I was concerned, it was. Because, on the flipside of that kiss, I wanted something brand new with Sam.
And I wanted to start it right.
“I fell in love with you when I was at rock bottom. But I’ll never be able to look back on those dark days with anything but a smile. I wanted to jump, Sam, but I never once expected the fall to go up.”
“Jesus, Levee.” He pulled me into a hug. He held me painfully tight and rained kisses over my neck and my shoulder. They weren’t sensual the way I knew Sam’s mouth was capable, but I felt every single one of them deep within my soul.
Gradually, his hands drifted to my breasts, but for the first time since we’d met, I was the one who wanted to talk.
“Wait. Listen.” I leaned away but circled my legs around his waist to keep us connected. “I love you.”
His entire face lit as his eyes smiled.