Nova brought him a glass of water, and he rinsed his mouth, spitting it into the toilet.
“You need to eat. Those pills on an empty stomach don’t work for you,” Nova said as he pushed Tino’s hair back from his forehead as if he was using the gesture to secretly feel for a fever. “You’ll feel better after you eat.”
Tino turned to look at him. “I will?”
“Yeah,” Nova assured him with the confidence of a guy who knew the answer to everything. “I promise.”
There was this stupid part of Tino that still believed Nova’s promises.
So he ate.
Nova set him up in bed, with a tray table they’d found a few days ago in the corner. He did it up too, with the silverware instead of plastic. He put the food on one of the plates they’d brought from home, and it was good, very expensive Italiano they probably couldn’t afford.
Tino really wished it didn’t taste like cardboard to him.
He stared at his plate as the replay of what happened earlier kept going in his mind, flashing over and over again behind the strange void that was trying to wash him away. He tried to focus on something happy, but that was fucking impossible. Instead he tried to think about something equally horrible, like the basement, but even that didn’t push Mary out of his mind.
“Are you okay?” Nova asked as he sat next to Tino in bed, reading.
“No.” Tino shook his head, still staring at his plate, fighting to remember every moment of his father almost killing him so he could forget about Mary. “I’m not okay.”
“Please pull your shit together.” Nova tossed his book aside and turned to him. “You can’t fall apart, Valentino.”
“Why not?” Tino asked him distantly, feeling himself slip further into that void that was trying to fall over him.
It sort of reminded him of bleeding to death.
Nova was quiet, as if he was trying to think of a good reason Tino wasn’t allowed to completely fall apart. That was when Tino realized that Mary sucking the life out of him was far worse than anything his father could do.
“’Cause I need you,” Nova finally whispered, as if it was a confession he didn’t want to make. “’Cause in this shithole, being your brother is the only fucking thing I have to keep breathing for.” Nova took a long, shuddering breath and choked out, “If you fall apart, I will too, and I can’t protect us if that happens.”
Tino turned and stared at him for a long time. “Us. Like, me, you, and Romeo? That us? That’s who you’re protecting.”
“Is there any other us?”
“Have you talked to Romeo?” Tino couldn’t help but ask. “Is he okay? Since you’re so great at protecting him.”
“Yeah, he’s okay.”
“I wanna see him,” Tino decided, and he was insistent about it as he remembered the video Mary took with her. “When can I see him?”
“Tino,” Nova started with a wince. “You’re still recovering.”
“I want to see him,” Tino growled at his brother in Italian to make his point. “I need to see him!” Tino’s breathing became hard and uneven, because he was still on the verge of falling apart no matter how badly Nova needed him to keep his shit together. “You keep stopping me, and it’s fucking bullshit! Why do you get to see him, and I don’t?”
“Are you gonna tell him?” Nova asked, his voice still choked with emotion. “Are you gonna tell him about the basement?”
“So what if I do?” Tino shouted at him. “I thought we were us? I thought we were a fucking family. I want to tell him. I want to see him. I want him to hug me and tell me that this merda is gonna end. I just need to know there’s an end.”
Nova hugged him instead.
It wasn’t quite the same, but Tino let him do it.
Just hug him tight like Romeo would and promise, “Finirà.”
There was this very stupid part of Tino that still believed Nova’s promises even if there wasn’t an end in sight.
So he finished his food and did the dishes despite the fucking crutches when he remembered the way Mary called him filthy. Called his mother filthy when their apartment in East Harlem had always been clean and nothing about his mother had been dirty. The memories of her before she got sick were starting to fade for him, but she’d always been this beautiful woman everyone in their neighborhood loved. He knew that for certain. No one in East Harlem gave a shit about her being a single mother with kids from two different men. She was kind. She was loving. She was a good mother. Tino lay there staring at the darkened ceiling for hours after Nova passed out next to him. He couldn’t sleep, so he tried to remember all the good things about his ma before Mary stole that from him too.
Chapter Eighteen
The C train into Bed-Stuy wasn’t the greatest.
For being a Dyker Heights girl, Brianna used public transportation quite a bit. Even if there were only a few train stops in their neighborhood, she rode the bus constantly, and it was enough to get her where she needed to go without asking her mother for help.