“What?”
He frowned. “You’ve never done that?”
“I’m horrified to ask,” she admitted with a wince.
“I just told you that Mary used to make me eat dog food, and you’re horrified by the shower nozzle. Unbelievable, Brianna. They’ve brainwashed you too. I hope you know that. I wanna say that to you, and I want you to hear it. They did it on purpose. They found a little girl whose parents didn’t give a shit, and they trained you to be Carina’s best friend. They fed you dog food too. It was just in a nicer package.”
“I love Carina.” Brianna said it without flinching, even if a part of her couldn’t deny what he said. “I’d eat dog food for her.”
“You do eat dog food for her,” Tino said bitterly. “Every day.”
“I’d do it for you too,” she promised him, meaning it.
He obviously believed her, because he said, “I know. You’re doing it right now. You should get out of this car and run away from me, Bri.”
She heard the catch in his voice, and it made a shiver of desire run down her spine. “Why?”
“’Cause I wanna show you how to get off with a shower nozzle.” Tino’s gaze ran over her hotly, stopping to rest on the V between her legs long enough that she spread her thighs on instinct and shifted in her seat. “I wanna show you how to get off with my mouth too. Madonn’, I wanna feel you come against my lips.”
She bit her lip to hide the moan. Something about the way he said it made her almost feel it, and Tino must’ve known, because he leaned into her in response.
“I wanna taste you so fucking bad. Just once, but I know I’m fucking broken. I know it rubs off. It’ll ruin you too.” His breath was warm against her neck. He licked the curve of it as he threaded his hand into her hair and tugged her head to the side. “I used to pretend it was you,” he whispered in her ear like it was another confession he practiced on the ride here. “It was something Lola and I came up with our first time so I didn’t fucking freak out in front of all those people. She’d make me talk about you to keep me focused. She taught me how to look at her like I’d fucking die to have her, and I just started using it all the time. It worked with the others too. They believed I was aching to touch them, because in my mind I was looking at you. Then one day I did it with Mary, trying to make her like me so she’d stop being so fucking mean. I touched that cunt thinking about you. I fucked her pretending it was you. You should hate me for that.”
“You’re not going to make me hate you today, Tino.” She stroked his hair, pushing it back from his forehead so that he was looking at her with dark, glassy eyes. “Whatever you did to survive, it’s okay. How can I judge you for that? How can anyone judge you?”
“Even when she hurt me.” Tino didn’t look away from her when he said it, clearly challenging her. “Even when she humiliated me. I saw you, Bri. It was easier for me that way. It was easier if I was doing it for you. I have actually eaten dog food for you.”
There was no romantic rule book for this.
It was never discussed by giggling schoolgirls in the school yard.
Brianna didn’t know if she was screwing up by letting the tears roll down her cheeks. She didn’t know if it was hurting him more or doing some sort of permanent damage by letting out a sob and promising, “It’s okay, baby.”
“I used you. I used this”—he gestured wildly between them—“for that. I took what was yours, and I gave it to her. I used it to make her happy. Do you understand how horrible that is? You should be totally sickened by that.”
“I’m sickened by her, but not you. If it helped you, then that’s all that matters to me.” She rubbed her thumbs over his cheeks and wiped his tears away. “You didn’t do anything wrong, and you can’t do anything to sicken me. You’re not going to be able to tell me something that’ll make me forget I love you. I’m sorry. It’s just not going to happen. I’m in this car with you, and I’m not going anywhere.”