Brianna forced herself not to flinch, even if everything in her lurched at the mention of Mary.
“I lost every time, because Nova doesn’t know how to throw a game. At least he didn’t back then. Now he could, but it doesn’t come easily to him. Which makes playing against him so much fun”—Tino’s voice was heavy with sarcasm—“but I was looking for something to do with my mind. I’d rather lose to Nova playing stupid chess than think about Mary coming back that night, even though she did every time, because Nova was always out late with the don.” Tino swallowed hard and kept staring at the roof of the Mustang. “There’s this rule in chess. If a pawn gets to the other side of the board, he can be anything he wants.” He turned to look at Brianna. “Did you know that?”
She shook her head. “I know nothing about chess.”
“Once it hits the other side, it can be any piece. A knight. A rook. A bishop. Anything.” Tino sounded awed by it, like they were talking about something other than chess. “I couldn’t win against him, so I started changing my strategy. All I wanted was to save one pawn. To get him to the other side so he could be something different. It started fucking with Nova’s mind. He couldn’t figure out what I was trying to do because I wasn’t playing to win, and that’s all he knows how to do. Play to win.” Tino closed his eyes. “I wanna get to the other side, Bri. That’s all I want.” He confessed it like a dark secret. “I don’t wanna win like Nova does. I don’t wanna save the world. All I want is a chance to be something else. Anything else.”
“What would you be?” she asked curiously. “If you could be anything?”
Tino turned to her, like he hadn’t expected the question. He gave her a sad smile and said, “I have no idea.”
“You never once considered what you’d be if you could be anything?” Brianna couldn’t understand that. She spent more and more of her spare time fantasizing about the future, about all the possibilities. “You don’t have any ideas?”
“Nope.” He shook his head, seeming very lost. Then out of the blue, he blurted out, “She used to make me eat dog food.”
“What?” Brianna couldn’t hide her horror.
“Mary. When I fucked up.” He looked away from her when he said it. “That was one of the things she did. It was one of the nicer things, actually. It’s just one I can say to you. I practiced it in my mind on the way over. Saying it.”
“Well—” Brianna nodded, having no idea what the right response was for something like that. Anger surged through her, and she wanted to lash out at Mary somehow, but Mary wasn’t in this car, and Tino was, so she said, “You did it well. Saying it, I mean.” She took a deep breath to clear her head, because she understood Tino talking about this was more important than her anger that wouldn’t fix anything at this point. “That was good.”
“Yeah?” He turned back to her, looking relieved. “The first time, it was after that fight with Dominic in seventh grade. Jesus, I couldn’t look at that motherfucker for a year afterward and not taste it. They all find ways to punish that doesn’t damage anything.” He gestured to his chest. “I mean, I’m not unique. I’m not saying I had it worse than anyone else. All sponsors do fucked-up shit like that, but she was really good at making her point. At fucking with my mind. She had a special gift for it. She could make me believe the bullshit. I mean, my mother was a whore, and I don’t know why I ever tried to deny it. No one can argue that any more than they can argue that I’m one. My ma did fuck Mary’s husband. She did get knocked up twice. Why do Nova and Romeo worship her like they do? I think about dog food when I think about my ma. I think about being dirty. I hate being dirty, and Nova’s always walking in on me in the shower. I don’t like to lock the door in case there’s an emergency, but it’s the only fucking time I have to feel clean, and he just walks in and starts talking. I hate that.”
“Carina walks in on me too,” Brianna said, not surprised by Nova’s behavior. “It must be genetic.”
There were so many other things she could’ve focused on. Internally she wanted Mary to fucking die, because she hadn’t realized it’d been that awful for Tino. She didn’t think any of them had, but Brianna sensed it was important to keep things light so he could keep talking.
“She does it too?” Tino raised his eyebrows. “Just walks in and starts talking?”
“Usually walks in and starts talking while she’s peeing.” Brianna threw up her hands in defeat. “It’s a big apartment. She has her own bathroom. Why does she have to pee in mine? But what the hell can I say? She’s paying the bills.”
“She’s not paying the bills. Her nonno’s paying ’em. Tell her to stop. What if you were getting yourself off? That’s what I say to Nova. I could be legitimately jerking off. He doesn’t know I’m not.”
“I don’t get myself off in the shower.” Brianna turned to him in confusion. “A bath, maybe, but a shower. No. That sounds very uncomfortable.”
“What about the shower nozzle? You’ve got a detachable one.”