That seems to ease her mind.
She looks back to me. “Okay, so Taylor is stable at the moment. She did have a seizure in the ambulance on the way here. And then another one when she was taken to get a scan.”
The thought of her having seizures, and I wasn’t there…pain slices through my chest. I press my hand to it.
“We stabilized Taylor and went ahead with the MRI.” Dr. March pauses, taking a breath. “There is no easy way to say this…but the scan shows that there is a definite significant growth on Taylor’s brain.”
“Significant growth?” Cam says.
“A large tumor,” Dr. March clarifies. “Malignant and aggressive in form.”
I suck in air, closing my eyes. My heart feels like it’s bleeding out in my chest, flooding my lungs.
I feel Cam’s hand press against my back.
“I would normally recommend surgery immediately,” Dr. March continues, like I’m not dying inside. “And then bouts of radiation therapy shortly afterward to offer a chance of survival.”
Would?
I flick open my eyes. “Would?” My word echoes my thought.
“Mr. Shaw—” She thinks my name is Shaw because of Taylor. Because she thinks I’m her brother.
“Liam.”
“Liam…there is something I need to ask you.” Dr. March shifts on her feet, folding her arms over her chest. “Did you know that Taylor has been aware for some time that she has a tumor and that she hasn’t sought medical treatment for it?”
She knew.
Deep down, I knew she knew. But it still hurts like hell to know for sure.
All this time, and she never said a word.
How did I not see it?
I shake my numb head, answering the doctor.
“Well, we’re not exactly sure how Taylor knew about the tumor with her not seeing a doctor prior to today—”
“She had a brain tumor when she was sixteen. She knows the symptoms,” I tell her, my tone short.
I don’t why, but I don’t like Dr. March. Maybe it’s because she’s the one delivering the bad news. Whatever it is, she’s irritating the fuck out of me. I can feel my anger level rising.
“That would explain the scar tissue on her brain that also showed up on the MRI.” She looks me right in the eyes with an almost accusatory look in her own. “We couldn’t seem to locate any medical records for Taylor. She wasn’t showing in the system at all. Do you know why that is?”
“Didn’t she tell you? Taylor lives in America—Boston. She’s here, visiting.”
Completing her list.
“Taylor hasn’t really been telling us much.” Dr. March shifts on her feet again. “Only that she knew about the tumor, and…” She trails off, her eyes sweeping the floor.
My brows draw together. “And what?”
She swallows down, clearly uncomfortable. “Well…Taylor is saying that she doesn’t want any…treatment.”
“What?” The word comes out on a shocked breath. I feel the blood draining from my face.
She meets my stare. “Taylor is refusing treatment of any kind. She’s adamant that she doesn’t want surgery. She doesn’t want to get better. She wants to…” Her words fall off.
Her eyes sweep the floor again. The place where my heart now is.
“Die.” The word comes out of me on an agonized breath.
Her eyes meet mine. “Yes.”
God, Taylor, no. Why?
I try to pull in air, but I can’t seem to. I feel my body sway. Cam’s arm comes around my shoulders, holding me steady.
I feel like the walls are closing in around me.
My eyes shut against the absolute fucking agony the knowledge brings.
She wants to die.
“Taylor…said that?” Eddie says. His disbelief only mirrors a small part of what I’m feeling.
Shock, disbelief, fear, agony, and absolute fucking helplessness.
“Yes. Those were her exact words,” Dr. March says softly.
I open my eyes and look at Dr. March. “I don’t understand.” My voice is barely working.
Why, Taylor? Why?
I need to see her. Now.
“Neither do we.” She shifts her stance again. “Liam, are you sure that Taylor hasn’t said anything to you?”
She’s said everything, except for that.
“If she had, do you think I would be standing here, having this fucking conversation with you?” I yell.
Cam’s hand grips my shoulder where it still sits. I know he’s trying to calm me, but I don’t feel calm.
I feel like tearing this building apart until I find Taylor and force her to explain to me what the fuck she is thinking and then force her to have the surgery.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to—” Dr. March starts.
I cut her off with a wave of my hand. “You said the tumor is operable?”
“Yes. As it is now. But the window of opportunity is narrowing. If the tumor is left any longer, it will go past the point of removal. Then, there will nothing we can do for her.”
There’s a chance. I just need to make Taylor change her mind.
But she wants to die.
I can’t comprehend it in my mind.