I shoved Ryan out of the way and hopped through Dark remains to stand in front of Justin, who was glaring at me. City guards were making their way toward us, and if there were any Darks left alive, I was sure they’d be taken to the city jail. Morgan or Randall would need to make sure their cells were warded so the Darks couldn’t use magic to break out.
“Why are you so pale?” Justin asked as I stepped over a finger in the grass. Then his nose wrinkled as he took a step back. “And why do you smell like that? Sam, you stay away. If you even think of touching me, I will find a way to make your life a living hell for the rest of my days. You do not get to put your sick on me.”
I stopped just in front of him, smiling as widely as possible. I hoped there was no vomit in my teeth. “You came to Meridian City because you were worried about me.”
“Go fuck yourself,” he said coolly.
“Nah,” I said, ready to take our friendship to the next level. “I’ve got your ex-boyfriend for that.”
He gaped at me.
I waggled my eyebrows at him.
He snorted and shook his head begrudgingly. “Okay, Haversford. That was… good. I mean, I really want to stab you with a sword, but I’ll give you that one.”
“Best friends 5eva!”
“Oh for fuck’s sake.”
“This must be awkward for you,” Randall said to Ryan.
“You have no idea,” Ryan muttered, trying to scrape Dark wizard off the bottom of his boot.
“How do you survive?” Randall said dryly. Then, “Morgan, a word, if you please.”
That couldn’t possibly be good, especially since both of them glanced at me before walking far enough away that I couldn’t hear them, no matter how hard I tried.
But before I could devise a way to listen in on whatever they were saying (because I just knew they were whispering about me, the jerks), my name was bellowed in such a way that said that if I didn’t respond, I was going to have one pissed-off unicorn on my hands.
And nobody wanted that.
Gary looked furious as he stood beside Kevin, glitter still sloughing off him in small bursts. Tiggy was standing next to him, running a finger up and down Gary’s snout, one of the few things that could get Gary to calm down.
Kevin was staring mournfully at the ragged hole through his wing, which was a lot bigger than I’d initially thought. The edges were bloody and frayed, but it looked as if the bleeding had slowed.
“Look at this,” Gary snapped as I came up next to them. “Would you just look at this. He’s got a hole in him, Sam. A hole.”
“I can see that,” I said lightly as I made my way toward them. “Kevin, all right?”
“I’m hideous,” Kevin said sadly. “Who is going to want to climb all over my junk now? I can’t even fly when it’s like this. What good am I if I can’t fly? Do you know what that makes me, Sam? I’m a lizard now. I’m just a gigantic lizard who can’t fly because of the hole in his wing.”
“Oh, you,” I said, trying my best to be empathetic. “Oh, just… you. You’ll be all right, friend. Okay, my guy? It’s… not even that noticeable. You’ll be totes fine.” I added, “Buddy,” for good measure.
Gary and Tiggy both turned slowly to look at me.
“What?” I asked.
“You are the worst at trying to make people feel better,” Gary hissed.
“I do suppose it’s another hole to put something into,” I said. Then, “Wait. I really shouldn’t have said that.”
Kevin’s lip curled. “I like the way you think. Though I don’t know if I’m into wound play.”
That made me a little queasy. “That’s a thing?”
He shrugged. “Anything’s a thing if you want it to be. You just have to have an active imagination.”
“Gross,” I muttered. “Also, let’s not talk about this ever again.”
“You started it.”
“For once, you’re right about that. And I wish I hadn’t. So. Moving on. Oh no, my pal! It’s not even noticeable!”
“Don’t listen to him,” Gary said, looking up at Kevin. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. It’s totally noticeable. But if you’re lucky, it’ll scar and be sexy and—”
“You think I’m sexy?” Kevin asked.
Gary coughed. “I mean… sure. Um. If you like that kind of thing, I guess.”
“Huh,” Kevin said. “And do you like that kind of thing?”
“Maybe? I mean, I don’t not like it.”
“They love each other,” Tiggy whispered to me.
“I know, big guy,” I said, patting his arm.
“Where did they come from?” Ryan asked, coming to stand at my side. “And how did they hurt you? I thought dragons were impervious to magic?”
“The woods,” Kevin rumbled. “I heard them with their whizbangs and their sparklies and decided it was probably best if I ended their lives before they could do any damage to the city.” He puffed his chest out. “If you ask me, I must say that I was really rather brave.”
Gary was about to swoon. “The bravest,” he said breathlessly, eyeing Kevin like he was a piece of meat he wanted to choke down. “Tell me of your conquest. Leave no details out.”
Kevin must have heard the come fuck me in Gary’s voice, because he leered down at him in a way that made me intensely uncomfortable. “They came out of the trees,” he purred, eyes flashing. “And I told them that if they didn’t turn and march themselves right back to where they’d come from, that they would draw their last breath upon the field in which they stood.”
“Oh my,” Gary whispered.
“You should just ignore his erection,” I told Ryan.
Ryan looked scandalized. “I was until you said that.”
“And then I pulled myself to my full height, my muscles rippling and glistening in the sunlight—”
“Why were your muscles glistening?” I asked. “That doesn’t even make any sense.”
Gary glared at me. “It makes perfect sense. Just because you lack an imagination doesn’t mean the rest of us have to suffer along with you.”
“I’m just saying. Why was he glistening? Did he rub oil on himself—I shouldn’t have said that.”
“That’s exactly what I did,” Kevin said. “I was glistening because of the oil that I spurted on myself in anticipation of battle. I was hot and hard and moist and shiny—”
“I can’t stop staring at it,” Ryan said.
“We were good while we lasted,” I said to him. “I understand if you don’t think I can satisfy you anymore after seeing it. I know you’re a bit of a size queen.”
“Ick on my face,” Tiggy said as he frowned.
“That’s because you smashed. Come here.”
Tiggy bent over as I ripped part of a robe that hadn’t been sullied from a Dark wizard. I figured it was okay because the Dark wasn’t going to use it anymore, given that he looked like he’d been left roasting over a fire pit too long. I reached up and wiped off Tiggy’s face.
“There’s my handsome guy,” I said, getting most of the blood off him.
“Hi,” he said, grinning at me. “Hi, Sam.”
“Hey, dude. You okay?”
He nodded. “I smashed.”
“You did. You’re the best smasher.”
He preened at that.