“And we’re going to run.”
“I can keep up! You don’t need to hold my hand. I’m pretty sure I can outrun you. They probably hadn’t even invented running yet when you were born.”
“I regret the day you turned those boys to stone.”
“Lie,” I said. “You like me. Somewhat.”
He glared at me.
“Don’t even. Morgan told me you think I’m super awesome.”
“Really. Morgan told you that I thought you were super awesome.”
“Okay, he didn’t exactly say it like that, but he might as well have! There was intent behind being damned with faint praise.”
“Gods help us all.” Randall grabbed my hand and pulled me until we were running at a good pace. He moved fast for an old fucker.
“I have a boyfriend,” I said quickly. “So no funny business.”
“I don’t think you have to worry about that.”
“Oh, please. I’m a catch. If I ever tried to woo you, you’d be swept off your feeeeeeAAAAAAAHHHH—”
I had never been teleported anywhere before.
I would be okay if I never had to repeat that process in my entire lifetime.
Because it sucked.
One moment we were running away from the Tilted Cross and I was randomly holding the dry, wrinkled hand of the oldest person in the world while—for some reason—trying to convince him that I could totally bone him if I wanted to.
And then the next, everything was swirling around us like it had been caught in some kind of vortex. It felt like I was being compacted, my entire body being shoved into the tiniest of spaces as I was yanked off my feet. The wind was rushing in my ears and Randall’s grip was biting into my hand, but I couldn’t be bothered with it, given that I was screaming at the sucking sensation, like we were being pulled under or through the surface of Meridian City.
It only lasted a couple of seconds before the feeling reversed, like I was beginning to expand. I was unfolding, the sounds around us as loud as they’d ever been. Then my feet hit solid ground, and I took a stumbling step forward, Randall’s hand still in my own, even though I was sweating profusely, my palm slick in his.
We were outside the walls of Meridian City, the trees of the Dark Woods swaying in the distance.
“There,” Randall said, dropping my hand, wiping his own down the front of his robes. “As usual, you made a big deal out of nothing.”
I promptly threw up on his shoes.
“Oops,” I said, a string of bile hanging from my lips as my stomach clenched. “Sorry, dude.”
“Must everything about you be so vexing?” he growled at me.
“You just sucked me through a hole.” I paused, considering. Then, “Okay, I really need to work on my phrasing. But you get what I mean. Also, what the fuck was that? You could have warned me of the suckage!” I frowned. “That still didn’t come out right.”
“Funny,” Randall said, grimacing down as he tried to shake the vomit off his shoes. “Justin didn’t seem to have a problem with it. I guess that’s yet another thing he can do better than you.”
“Hey! Low blow, bro!”
“Yes, yes. How hard your life must be. Now, do you want to continue with your inane prattling, or do you want to help that dragon of yours?”
In the end, though, there really wasn’t much to be done. We rounded a corner toward where Kevin had fallen in time to see him bite the head off a Dark wizard, a gout of blood shooting up into the air. His injured wing was held gently against his side. Kevin’s lips pulled back in disgust before he spat out the head in a lick of fire.
Gary, for his part, was shimmering with copious amounts of glitter that swirled around him. A Dark wizard was running toward him, but Gary spun around quickly and kicked his back legs out just as the Dark reached him. Unicorn hooves collided with Dark wizard ribs, and in the end, it really wasn’t a contest, as the idiot flew back, skidding against the ground before coming to a stop, unmoving.
Tiggy was, of course, doing as a Tiggy did: smashing the ever-living daylights out of anything and everything that was threatening those around him. His fists were red, and he had a bit of gore on his face. He made a rather frightening figure. I was damn proud of him. And maybe a little jealous.
By the time Morgan and Ryan came running from the other side, the couple dozen or so Dark wizards that had apparently been waiting for Feng to bring me to them were burned to a crisp, smashed into a pulp, had met dragon’s teeth, or were running screaming into the Dark Woods. I made to go after them, but Randall gripped my shoulder tightly, shaking his head.
And as much as I disagreed with him, I knew he had a point. It was better to have stragglers tell others what had happened. It might incite them, but it also could instill them with fear. And scared Darks were Darks who made mistakes.
And as a bonus, it would most likely piss off Myrin, who had now been essentially bested twice in the span of a few days.
“Wow,” I said so everyone could hear me. “I just came to the realization that we might be the most badass group of badasses that has ever badassed. I don’t know what to do with this information. I feel like there should be confetti. And medals. Can I have a medal?”
“You threw up on my feet,” Randall said.
“Oh. Right. Well, karma sucks, and all that. Still think I’d be okay if someone gave me a medal.”
Ryan gingerly stepped over what remained of the Darks (and almost put his foot on a liver) and made his way over to me. “You’ve got something gross on your chin,” he said. “How the hell did you get out here before us?”
I scowled as I used my arm to wipe the remains of my first time teleporting off me. “Randall’s fault.”
“Sam can’t handle my magic,” Randall said. “More’s the pity, I suppose.”
Before I could make his nose a dick, Ryan cupped my face, making me look away from Randall and at him instead. “You okay?”
I sighed. “I’m fine. Just… didn’t expect it.”
“I would kiss you, but you smell bad.”
“Thanks.”
“Yeah. Thought you should know.”
“No, really. Thanks.”
“I do want to kiss you, though. I’m just not going to. Maybe for a long time.”
I laughed and shoved him away. “Bastard,” I said, sounding disgustingly fond.
“You love me.”
“Don’t even know why.”
“Gods, you guys are literally standing on top of the bodies of your enemies and have still found a way to make the situation worse with your flirting. There is a time and place for that, and it’s behind closed doors so none of us have to witness the travesty that is your relationship.”