I stroked a hand down my beard, felt the hair tickling the back of my neck. “Yoos would be right. Promised my wife I’d go there one day, after I hit the big time. And this trip is overdue.”
This was one promise I could keep to her.
He jammed his foot on the gas, changing lanes to a chorus of honking horns. “So, didya make it big time?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I’m doing okay.”
He chortled. “Must be doin’ better than okays or else yoos wouldn’t be sayin’ that yer doin’ okay, if ya know whadda I mean.” He winked in the mirror.
He slammed on the brake, tossing me forward. “I tell you what… get me there in one piece and I’ll make it worth your while.” I winked back. “If you know what I mean.”
“Yeah. Yeah.” He slapped his hand against the steering wheel, grinning big. “Yoos not from around here, I can tell.”
Little did he know. Of course, my jeans and fleece jacket didn’t scream city.
“No. Not anymore.”
An hour of honking hell later, Nico had practically talked my head off before dropping me in front of the expensive barber Jessica always joked about being the best in the city. I did make it worth his while, slipping him an extra hundred for his trouble. His wide grin nearly made the drive into the city worth it.
“Are we trimming or shaving the beard today, sir?”
The simple question had been asked so casually as the barber took a couple inches off my hair. There wasn’t a simple answer.
Zoe loved sinking her fingers through the rough strands.
But Jessica had loved to run her hands over my clean-shaven face.
My mind was twisting.
Jessica. Zoe.
Zoe. Jessica.
“Sir, are you alright?”
Sweat was popping out on my forehead and my hands were clamped on the arms of the leather chair. I slowly loosened them. Slowly forced myself to relax.
“Yeah. Sorry. A lot on my mind.”
The barber was too much of a professional to say anything more, but by the time the cut was finished, I needed to make a decision.
Jessica. Zoe.
Zoe. Jessica.
Life. Death.
It shouldn’t have even been an issue.
Maybe it was being back in the city that made everything harder, messed everything up in my mind. Passing Central Park, the Empire State Building. The places inside the city Jess had loved so much.
“Sir?”
Staring into the mirror, I made my decision.
“Just a trim.”
For two years, I hadn’t been suicidal, but I hadn’t truly lived either. Today, by deciding to keep a little hair on my face, I’d chosen life. It was weird how life worked sometimes.
Two hundred dollars later, I looked like I belonged in New York. Almost. A trip to Barney’s took care of the rest.
I didn’t have time for a true tailored suit like Jessica once told me I should wear. But the cut was good enough. The cloth of the finest Italian wool. It would work for what I needed to do in a couple days.
While I was shopping, I stocked up on some other supplies. I’d lived in jeans and t-shirts for so long, I didn’t have anything better that would fit. I’d bulked up while in Montana, working out almost every day to release some stress. I was at least two sizes bigger than I was two years ago, so I picked up some more appropriate casual wear. I changed out of my old clothes and stepped out of the store with the new after buying a new suitcase and having the store deliver everything to the airport.
Two tasks down. A few more left to go.
When the taxi pulled up outside our old house, just seeing the little place was like a punch in the gut. But that wasn’t why I was here. Instead of walking up to where we once lived, I knocked on my neighbor’s house instead.
“Yes?”
She looked exactly the same. Maybe a couple more wrinkles, but her eyes were still as blue as the sky. “Mrs. Mills, remember me?”
She blinked a few times, then a smile spread over her face. “Gray? Is that you?”
I scratched at the beard. “It sure is.”
“Well, come in.”
Her place was exactly the same, down to the chipped little teacups she used to pour us both some coffee. “What brings you back to this part of the world?”
I met her eyes, which were still sharp as a tack. “It was time. Time to say goodbye.”
She lowered her head in a nod. “So you decided to come back here, to the house?”
“No. I came back to see you.”
She looked startled. “Me?”
I grinned. “Yeah. I’ve got a bone to pick with you. Why haven’t you been cashing my checks?”
The elderly lady actually blushed. “Because I have everything right here that I need. You might not believe it, but I actually had some good fortune come my way.”
I pressed my lips together. “You did?”
Lowering her coffee mug, she gave me a careful look. “Yes, I did. Seems somebody bought up this house and slashed my rent to practically nothing.” She tapped her finger on the rim. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, now would you?”
I took a long drink. “Nope. Not a thing.”
Her eyes narrowed more, then she smiled, just a little. “Thank you.”
Setting the empty cup down, I placed my hand over hers. “Thank you, Mrs. Mills. I’m not sure if I ever really thanked you for taking care of me after…” I took a deep breath. “After…” I still couldn’t say it.
“That’s what neighbors do, Gray. You and Jessica were fine neighbors. I never forgot how you’d take my trash to the curb or pick up my mail on cold and rainy days. It was always the little things that meant so much. I wanted to give a little back after such a tragedy.”
“You did more than that.”
She shook her head, shaking off my gratitude. “Are you planning on staying in the city?”
“No. I’ve got a red eye out of here tonight. I’ve got some business on the West Coast tomorrow.”
The wise eyes met mine, and her smile was gentle. “Good business?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Very good.”
She sighed and set her cup down on the table. “Seems to me that it’s time.”
It was also time for something else. The worst part of the trip.
After saying goodbye to Mrs. Mills, I took yet another cab to the cemetery.
I blew out a breath.
My legs felt like stone as I walked over to the grave.
“I miss you,” I said to the granite tombstone, two angels carved on the front. “Miss you both.” I knelt down, brushed a bit of dirt and grass from the base, and laid the bouquets of roses on the ground in front of it. One red. A small pink.
“I don’t think a single day has passed when I don’t see something interesting and think, Jess would love that. I’ll get ready to tell you all about it, then I’ll remember that you’re gone, and it’s like I have to grieve the loss of you all over again.”
I wiped my face with my sleeve. “And you, little one. You’d be running by now, dressing up for Halloween yourself. Would you be a princess or something scary? I still can’t believe that I don’t get to ever find out.”