The confusion was back. “Why do you think I’ll laugh?”
“You’ll see. But I don’t want you to laugh because this is important to me. It really helped me understand that I could still honor my decision not to sleep with a man but not shut myself down completely in the process.”
“Okay. No laughing. Anything else?”
“Yep. Get undressed.”
That surprised me. “Um, completely?”
The grin was back. “Yes. Completely.” I looked around for the damn cat, and Zoe laughed. “We can do this in the bedroom with the door closed if you prefer.”
I scratched my beard. “So we’re supposed to get in bed together. Naked. Then we’re going to do whatever we’re going to do that opened you up to your sexuality, and… this isn’t going to lead to sex?”
She lifted her chin. “Are you afraid you can’t resist?”
I scratched my beard some more. “Well, um… yeah. I’m one hundred percent sure I won’t be able to resist.”
She laughed. “Willing to try?”
I wagged a finger at her. “There is no try.”
She sighed really loud and rolled her eyes. “Okay, Yoda. Ready to do?”
This wasn’t going to end well. Correction. It was going to end very well, just with another layer of skin rubbed off my cock. “Okay. What do you need me to do?”
“Go into the bedroom and strip. Sit in the middle of the bed.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I pulled my t-shirt over my head and her eyes fell to my chest. She blew out a breath, her pupils flaring.
“In the bedroom, mister.”
I headed that way. When a woman like Zoe told me to take off my clothes, who was I to disagree. Making sure the little ball snatching furball didn’t follow me, I went into the bedroom and finished stripping, tossed a few more logs on the fire, then climbed onto the bed.
Where I waited. And waited.
Where the hell was she?
My heart began hammering when the doorknob turned, and Zoe slipped inside the warm room. She was carrying a candle, holding a hand up to protect the flame. After setting it down on the nightstand, she turned to face me, and good god, let her robe fall from her shoulders.
She had taken the rest of her clothing off, so she was completely bare to me now, her skin golden in the light of the candle and fire.
She was breathtakingly beautiful.
Climbing on the bed, she knelt in front of me, resting her sweet ass on her heels, her hands coming to rest on her thighs.
A long strand of her hair fell over her shoulder, covering her breast. I reached out to push it back, but she gave her head a little shake. “No touching… yet.”
The magnetic force I felt from the moment I first saw her pulsed around us as my hand dropped away. I was powerless against its force. Powerless against her. And I didn’t care.
Looking deeply into her eyes, I watched the shadows of light and dark play over her beautiful face as the fire snapped and crackled in the hearth. “Are you ready?” she asked.
I was more than ready. I was spellbound. I couldn’t have moved if I wanted. “Yes.”
“Tantra is a Sanskrit word that means ‘woven together.’” Her voice was low, forcing me to concentrate on her words. “Meditation practitioners use sexual union as a metaphor for weaving together the physical and the spiritual. Weaving a man to a woman. Weaving humanity to the divine.”
Her voice was a seduction. I moved into a position that mirrored hers, not feeling as stupid as I thought I would.
“In Tantra, there are no sexual aids or equipment. Our bodies contain everything we need to please ourselves and each other. Our hands for touching. Arms for embracing. Lips for kissing. Tongues for tasting.” She smiled again. “And eyes… perhaps to see into each other’s heart and soul.”
I nodded, letting her know I understood. More than that, I was seduced by her words, her presence. But, interestingly enough, not just sexually. What I felt was so much deeper than that.
She reached out her hand, and I immediately reached out for her. “Human touch. Babies die without it. Thrive with it. It’s deeply engrained as an important need.” She began to rub her thumbs over the tops of my hands. “Touch signals safety and trust. It soothes. It activates the vagus nerve, which is connected to our compassion response. A simple touch can trigger the release of the powerful hormone, oxytocin.” Her smile grew. “The love hormone.”
Love. Yep. That hormone was triggering inside me in sharp surges.
She lowered my hands until they rested on my thighs, then her fingers began to move up my arms. Goosebumps sprang up everywhere, the hair on my neck standing straight. I closed my eyes, absorbing the electrical reaction she was creating.
“Look at me.”
The words were still soft, but there was a command in them too. I did as she asked and looked deep into her green eyes. “It’s my pleasure.”
Her pupils dilated further. “There is much that we could learn and explore about our chakras and their energy sources, but right now, I want to focus on here.” Her fingers traced up my arms, over my shoulders, then down, pausing at my chest. “Not just our heart, but also our breathing.”
She inhaled deeply and exhaled just as long. Sensing that I should mirror her action, I did the same and got a dazzling smile in return.
“According to Tantric teaching, the area over your heart is an important energy source. If it is blocked, your body’s energy can’t flow. Your heart is the core of your being.”
My chest grew tight. My heart had been blocked for a long time, even since I was a boy. Jessica had managed to crack it open for a while, but after her…
Emotion burned my eyes. My face. Filled my throat. Zoe must have felt it too, because the end of her nose turned pink as we gazed at each other.
She sniffed and licked her lips, her hands still on my chest. “For people, men especially, life can become about achieving. Results. The race. The win. Today, I want the focus to be on receiving. Receiving my touch. Receiving my compassion. Receiving release from the burdens you carry.”
My damn throat. It was hard to swallow. What the total fuck was wrong with me?
“Breathe, Gray.”
I couldn’t. Air was trapped inside my lungs. I was beginning to think that Tantra was simply another word for torture.
Zoe moved closer to me, her legs spreading apart until she was sitting on my thighs, her knees on either side of my hips. Our sexes nearly touched, her body warming mine. She took my face in her hands, thumbed away the wet on my cheeks I didn’t know was there.
“Touch me, Gray. With only your fingers, tell me how much I mean to you.”