It was another thing I hated about myself. While I was busy beating the man to death, she had slipped from this world and into another… and I hadn’t been there. Hadn’t noticed.
In front of me, the EMS team had cut the baby out, hoping at least one could be saved. My daughter had looked like a doll when they sadly handed her to me. My psyche had fractured under the weight of her six-pound, four-ounce lifeless form.
The neighbor who had called for help had been the one to take her from my arms. The sweet little old lady stayed with me at the hospital while my shoulder was tended. She’d cooked me soup and forced me to eat it. She tore up the check I wrote her the day before I left New York. I still sent her money, but I didn’t know if she ever spent it. I hoped so.
Splat!
Icey cold spread across my face, then giggles filled my ears. I blinked away the snow to find Zoe with her hands over her mouth, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably.
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t sound sorry at all. “I was aiming for your chest.”
I bent and picked up a handful of snow of my own. Her eyes grew big, her hands in front of her, as if she could stop what was coming. “I still have a concussion,” she yelled through her laughter.
She did, but her pupils were now normal, her balance steady, her head not aching as much. When I continued to calmly add snow to my growing ball, she took off running, but not onto the safety of the porch. Instead, she chose the trail I’d dug out to the garage. Mistake.
Snow exploded off her back, and she turned, still laughing as she scooped up another handful. Losing her balance, she fell sideways and completely disappeared into a mountain of snow.
Laughing, I ran to her, pulling her out, then got another face full of snow for my effort, followed by her hot mouth on mine. “Can I make a snowman?” she asked against my lips, her teeth chattering. “I’ve never played in the snow before.”
Brushing the ice from her face, I knew I’d help her build a hundred snowmen. A thousand. I’d do whatever she wanted.
As we worked, the snowman grew to epic proportions, easily eight feet tall. I lifted Zoe onto my shoulders so she could place the rocks for the eyes and mouth, a stick for the nose. Then she unwrapped my scarf from around her neck and gave him the finishing touch.
“The abominable snowman,” I said, and she laughed as she climbed down me, kissing the tip of my nose before landing on her feet. She winced and grabbed my arm, her head still hurting, her balance still off. But she was fighting it like the trooper she was.
“Too bad I can’t find anything to make him a beard.”
I scruffed mine against her face, causing her to giggle. I loved the sound and did it again. “I could shave mine off, and you can use it for your masterpiece.”
She looked appalled. “Don’t you dare. I’d be so mad.”
Pulling her against my chest, I looked down into those lovely green eyes. “You just like the way it feels between your legs while I lick you, bite your clit.”
She blushed, the tip of her nose turning even pinker. “Actually, I don’t remember if I like that or not.”
I grinned and cupped her ass in my hands, pulling her even tighter against me. “You don’t? Then maybe I should remind you.”
Her eyes fell to my lips, and the atmosphere changed around us as she stroked my face with her cold fingers. “Maybe you should. I want to remember everything with crystal clarity.”
The way she said it made me think that she was talking about our time together as if it was in the past. Overhead, the sun burst through a section of clouds, shining its light down onto the truth.
No matter how much I wished for time to stand still, I knew it wouldn’t. Knew the snow would melt. Knew that she would leave and go on with her life, just as I knew my life would stay here.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, sensing the shift in my mood.
“The truth is…” I cleared my throat. “I wish the snow would never melt.”
She looked up at the sun, closing her eyes against its warmth. “The truth is, I hope it does.” My heart shriveled in my chest, and I knew the ache was apparent on my face because when she opened her eyes, she took my face in both her hands. “Gray, I hope it melts because I want to know what springtime is like right here. I want to know what summer is like too. I want to see the leaves turn red and gold. I want to witness all that… with you.”
Such pretty words, woven together like the novelist she was. They pulled me into her world, making me believe they were true.
“Is that what you really want?”
Her eyes never left mine. “Yes.”
I looked around me, at the solitude I’d surrounded myself with. “You deserve better. You deserve to see the world, Zoe. Wouldn’t you want to travel to the places where your novels take place? Step into that world yourself?”
She smiled. “Yes. I would love to do that. Are you saying you wouldn’t want to come with me?” I hesitated, and she read the hesitation wrong, the smile fading. “I mean, if you want to. I’m starting to make some steady money from the books. It’s not enough yet to be fancy or fly us first class or anything, but I can write more.” She was talking quickly now. “You know. If I could publish the books faster, I could make more money. Maybe—”
I pressed my fingers to her lips. She didn’t know. She didn’t know how much money I made every day. She had no idea that I made more in an hour than most people made in a year. She was trying to figure out how to support us financially. It made me care for her even more.
Her teeth were starting to chatter, and I pulled her into my arms. “Money isn’t an issue, Zoe. We could travel to a new city every day and it wouldn’t make a dent.”
She searched my face. “So, virus protection is lucrative, huh?”
I laughed and pulled her up until our mouths connected. “Very. Let’s just say you won’t have to do mommy-daughter porn to pay for a meal.” She scowled and bit the very tip of my nose. “Ouch.”
She was playing, but I could sense something else beneath the surface. “What’s wrong?”
Zoe looked up at the sky again just as the sun went behind another cloud. “When we’re in the real world again, don’t you think you might find it, um, embarrassing to be seen with me? What if your friends or people you work for find out you’re dating a porn queen’s daughter?”
This conversation was about to get deep, and her teeth were chattering too hard for us to have it out here. I called for Maggie, who popped up from a blanket of snow, her dark head a strong contrast to the white. “Let’s go, girl.”
Mags leaped, appearing and disappearing as she made her way over to us, a stick in her mouth.
Zoe chewed on her bottom lip as we stomped off our boots and stepped inside the warmth of the cabin. Shedding her wet boots and hat, she turned to face the fire. “You don’t have to answer the question about being embarrassed. I already know the answer. I’ve lived it my entire life.”