Tara gave me the day off on Monday to spend time with Paisley. I was excited for it, but I’d also been looking forward to seeing Tara again. The higher ups in the company were going to have a big meeting to go over all the numbers, and I wasn’t welcome for that. I was important enough to model and give press conferences, but not to deal with the real stuff. It didn’t bother me, though. I always hated the business side of things. I would much rather spend my time working on the bikes than brainstorming ways to sell them.
When I finally fell asleep, I dreamt of Tara. She floated in and out of my subconscious the whole night, and when I woke up, she was still on my mind. I sighed and climbed out of bed, resigning myself to yet another day of not seeing her. Once Paisley woke up, I would have enough distractions to get through the day, but I still had an hour before that would happen.
I went into the kitchen and took my time making breakfast. I made a huge meal complete with waffles, sausage, pancakes, and bacon. I fried up a few eggs and sliced some fruit. I knew it was too much food for Paisley and me to eat, but I didn’t care. I had a special day planned for her and I wanted to start it off the right way.
Paisley came into the kitchen just as I finished slicing the fruit. She rubbed her eyes and sat down in her usual chair. I brought all the food over to her with a flourish and a smile.
“Wow,” she said. “This is a lot of food.”
I shrugged. “I know. I got carried away this morning. Besides, we’re celebrating.”
“Celebrating?” Paisley asked.
“Yup.” I grinned. “We’re going shopping today.”
“For what?” Paisley asked.
“Anything you want,” I said. “Remember when I said you could decorate your room?”
“Yeah.” Paisley nodded.
“Well, we’re gonna do that today,” I said. “We’ll get everything you need and spend the day decorating. What do you think?”
“Okay!” Paisley said. She grinned and began eating as fast as she could. I laughed and thought I should have waited until she finished breakfast before I told her the plan.
***
At the store, Paisley and I went down every aisle, making sure we got anything and everything she might need. We bought her a desk lamp and a new bedroom set complete with curtains and throw pillows. Then, we found a few posters to hang on the walls and some new outfits. She was having so much fun that I almost didn’t want to leave.
“Anything else?” I asked, glancing into the basket. “What about a trash can? You need a trash can.”
“Sure!” Paisley said. She ran down the aisle and grabbed a bright purple trashcan. It didn’t match anything we’d gotten so far, but I didn’t care. This was her day and her room. She could have whatever she wanted.
As we made our way to the checkout lines, we passed by the toy section. Paisley glanced down a few aisles but didn’t show any interest until the bikes came into view. She gasped loudly and stopped in front of a small green one. It had a white basket and a bell attached to the handlebars. She slid her hand over the sides of it, staring at it in awe.
“I’ve never had one,” Paisley whispered. I couldn’t tell if she was talking to herself or to me. She spoke so softly.
“Never?” I asked. Paisley jumped and whirled around. She hadn’t realized I was watching her.
“Sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t mean to stop.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Check it out for a minute.”
Paisley circled around the bike. She touched the seat and rang the bell. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open. I’d never seen her look so excited about anything.
“Do you want it?” I asked slowly. I didn’t want to seem like I was trying to buy her, but she seemed so excited that I couldn’t help myself.
“No,” Paisley said quickly. She shook her head and stepped away from it. “It’s okay. I don’t need it.”
“Well, I know that,” I said, laughing. “But do you want it?”
“I don’t know how to ride,” Paisley whispered. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and I took a step forward.
“I can teach you,” I offered.
“Really?” she asked. She looked at me suspiciously like I was lying to her.
“Of course,” I said. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“My mom always said she would,” Paisley admitted softly. “But she never had time. She always said she was too busy.”
I nodded. “I see. Well, I’m not too busy. I think we should get it.”
“Are you sure?” Paisley asked. She looked back at the bike with a frown. I could tell she wanted it, but she was nervous.
“Positive,” I said. “Come on.”
I grabbed the bike, and we took it up to the checkout lanes, along with our basket. It was an expensive shopping trip, but after getting my first paycheck from Yates’ Motorcycles, I didn’t care. We were celebrating.
We paid for everything and loaded it into the car. Once we got back to the house, I ordered us pizza for lunch, and we went to work decorating Paisley’s bedroom. I made the bed with her new sheets and comforter. Then we added the throw pillows. While I hung the curtains and the posters, Paisley plugged in her desk lamp and set up the trashcan. She moved it three times before she finally found the perfect place.
“Do you like it?” I asked when we were done. She looked around the room slowly, taking in the full effect.
“It’ll do,” she said stubbornly.
“It’ll do?” I scoffed. “Come on, you love it.”
“It’s okay,” she insisted.
“You love it,” I teased. I poked her in the side. She jerked away and tried not to giggle.
“It’s nice,” she said.
“Nice?” I exclaimed. “I’ll show you nice!”
I lunged forward and grabbed her around the waist. I threw her over my shoulder and pretended to drop her on her head. She screamed and laughed while I tickled her. We played and joked around for the rest of the day.
Slowly, I was learning more about my daughter. I knew she only liked cheese pizza and that she loved the color green. I knew her drawings were personal, but she loved to share them with the right people. I knew she would swim all day if she could, and I also knew that she really missed her mom.
As we sat together in her bedroom, I finally braved the subject.
“I’m sorry about your mom,” I said softly. “I know we haven’t talked about her a lot and I’m sorry for that. I just wanted to give you some time. I know you must miss her a lot.”
“I do,” Paisley said. “But sometimes I don’t. Is that bad to say?”
“No.” I shook my head. “It’s human. It means you’re healing.”
“I don’t want to forget about her,” Paisley said softly. “And sometimes I’m really mad at her.”
“Mad at her?” I asked. “Why?”
“Because she always said she’d never leave, but she did,” Paisley said. “She did leave. She died.”
I watched Paisley eyes fill with tears, and I fought back tears of my own. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and held her against my chest until all her tears dried up. When she was done crying, I knew the conversation was over. She’d said as much as she could about her mom.
“Come on,” I said, taking her by the hand.
We went out to the driveway, and I parked her bicycle right in front of her. She stared at it apprehensively, unsure of what to do.
“I’ll help you,” I said. “Just climb on.”