“A daughter?” Niki’s face lost its amused expression. She shook her head, her eyes full of serious concern.
“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t know why Niki was acting like it was the end of the world. “She’s eight. Her name is Paisley. She’s really cute.”
“You have to get out of that,” Niki said firmly. “Now.”
“Get out of what?” I asked. “I already told you, I don’t know if there’s even anything to get out of at this point.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Niki said. “Tara, this is bad.”
“What’s bad?” I asked. Niki’s doom and gloom attitude was beginning to get on my nerves.
“It’s bad enough that you’re sleeping with a man who works for you,” Niki said slowly. “But you’re also hanging out with his kid?”
“She comes to the office sometimes.” I shrugged. “She seems to like me. That’s all.”
“And you’re sleeping with her dad,” Niki said.
“Yes, but—” I began, but Niki was already shaking her head. I’d never seen her look so serious.
“Tara,” she said. “This could end so badly and not just for the company. If that was all that was at stake, you know I wouldn’t care, but what about this little girl? What if she gets attached to you and then things don’t work out? You won’t just be leaving Sean, you’ll be leaving his daughter. Are you going to be able to live with that? Is she?”
“I hadn’t thought about it,” I said honestly. “This thing between Sean and I just started. It’s still new. I don’t even know what it is yet.”
“Good,” Niki said. “Then, that means there’s plenty of time to end it before it goes any further.”
“I don’t want to,” I argued. “I like Sean, and I like Paisley. I enjoy spending time with them. Why should I have to stop?”
“Okay,” Niki said. “Fine. What about her mom? Is she in the picture?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but I immediately hesitated. I knew where Niki was going with her line of questioning, and I didn’t want to help her get there.
“Well?” Niki pressed.
“She died,” I said softly. “Not long ago. That’s why she came to live with Sean and that’s why he’s needed my help from time to time.”
“Oh my god,” Niki shook her head. “Tara, what the hell are you thinking?”
“What?” I demanded. I was feeling more defensive by the second.
“You’ve lost your mind,” Niki accused. “This little girl is going to fall for you and then what? God, Tara you have to get out of this before you really hurt her.”
I fell silent and listened to Niki’s warnings. Part of me wanted to yell at her for ruining this for me. I really liked Sean. Why couldn’t that be good enough for my best friend? Instead, I stayed quiet because I knew she wasn’t entirely wrong.
“I don’t intend to leave,” I said softly. “I have no plans of walking away from either of them.”
“People never do,” Niki said. “But life happens.”
Again, she wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t want to admit that. The conversation changed topics, and we spent the rest of the afternoon snacking and talking. My mind was elsewhere though. From the time Niki brought up the repercussions of my actions, I hadn’t been able to think of anything other than Paisley.
I sat at home that night, replaying my conversation with Niki in my head. My phone rang.
“Hello?” I said without checking the caller id.
“Hey!” It was Sean. My heart skipped a beat.
“Hey,” I said slowly. “What’s up?”
“Not much,” he said. “I was just calling to see if you wanted to get dinner tonight. What do you think? You free?”
“Actually,” I said, looking around my empty apartment. I wanted to see Sean, but after everything Niki said, I knew I couldn’t. Not then. “I have plans with my friend Niki tonight. I’m sorry.”
“Oh,” Sean said. He sounded disappointed, and I immediately felt guilty. I closed my eyes tightly.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “We just haven’t seen each other in a while. She’s my best friend, so we need to catch up, you know?”
“Sure,” Sean said, covering his disappointment. “I understand. You guys have fun!”
“We will,” I said. “Maybe next time?”
“Definitely,” Sean said. I could hear the smile in his voice, and it made it that much harder to hang up. When I did, I dropped my phone onto the couch and leaned my head back against the cushions.
I hated lying to Sean. He didn’t deserve that, but how could I explain to him how I was feeling? How could I tell him that I was suddenly worried about how his daughter might take our hypothetical breakup? The answer was simple: I couldn’t. So instead, I lied. And I hated myself for it.
As sure as I was that my feelings for Sean were real, Niki did have a point. If something happened with Sean and me, then Paisley would be heartbroken. Even if I promised to keep in touch with her, it wouldn’t be the same and she would know it. Just two days ago, I’d been happier than I ever thought I could be. And now, I was more confused than ever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Sean
Sunday was a slow day at the house. Paisley was tired from the exciting weekend, and I was miserable because I missed Tara so much. I felt pathetic, like a whipped teenager who just got laid for the first time. No matter how many times I told myself to get it together, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
That night, I finally caved. I decided to take Paisley out to dinner, and I asked if she wanted to invite Tara. Of course, Paisley said yes. She loved Tara just as much as I was starting to. I called Tara and invited her. She said no and I had to pretend like I understood, but my heart fell into my stomach. We got off the phone, and I told Paisley Tara was busy. Paisley was upset, but she got over it quickly. The two of us went out to dinner alone, and it was amazing.
The entire time we ate, Paisley talked my ear off about her swim camp and how excited she was for her swim team to start in August. I didn’t even know she was on a team, but I could tell by her face that it wasn’t something she would forget. I smiled and asked all the right questions. By the end of the night, I felt even more like a dad. Paisley fell asleep in the car on the way home, and I carried her to bed. She felt so light in my arms and I never wanted to put her down. I sat by her bed that night and watched her sleep. I couldn’t believe I’d already missed so much of her life.
When I went to bed Sunday night, I couldn’t sleep. I touched the pillow where Tara had slept two nights earlier and I felt a familiar sense of loneliness wash over me. I had fun with Paisley, but I still missed Tara desperately. What was worse was the fact that I wouldn’t get to see her Monday morning either.