‘I can do what I like with my money,’ I said defen—
sively, knowing I was right in not telling him about the cottage I’d bought for Rachel.
‘Of course you can. So who are the other ones for?’
All I can think is that I must have forgotten I’d ordered them and ordered another set. ‘I thought you could give them to me for my birthday.’
He frowned, less willing to play along with pretence than before. ‘Don’t you already have some?’
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‘Not like these,’ I said, hoping a third set wouldn’t turn up.
‘Right.’ I could sense him looking at me curiously.
He’s doing that a lot at the moment.
*
The risotto ready, I call Matthew and we sit down to lunch. Just as we’re finishing, there’s a ring at the doorbell. Matthew goes to answer it.
‘You didn’t mention that Rachel was coming,’ he
says, bringing her through to the kitchen. Although he smiles I can tell he’s not overly pleased to see her. I am, but I’m also caught on the hop, because I have no idea if I’ve forgotten that she was meant to be coming or if she’s just dropped in of her own accord.
‘Cass didn’t know, I just thought I’d drop in for a chat,’
she says, coming to my rescue. ‘But if I’m disturbing you I can always go away again.’ She looks at me questioningly.
‘No, it’s fine,’ I say hurriedly, hating the way Matthew always makes her feel unwelcome. ‘We’ve just finished lunch. Have you eaten or can I get you something?’
‘An espresso would be lovely.’
Although Matthew’s on his feet, he doesn’t move so
I go over to the cupboard and take out some cups.
‘Would you like one too?’ I ask him.
‘Please.’
The Breakdown
255
I place a cup on the stand and take a capsule from
the rack.
‘So, how are you?’ Rachel asks.
‘Fine,’ I say. ‘What about you? How was your trip?’
I go on, keeping it purposefully vague because I can’t remember where she went.
‘Same as usual. Guess what I bought at the airport
on the way back?’
I put the capsule into the slot but instead of sliding in it stays sticking out of the top.
‘What?’ I ask, trying to push it in.
‘An Omega watch.’
I take the capsule out and try again, aware of
Matthew’s eyes on me. ‘Wow. It must be gorgeous,’ I say. The capsule still won’t go down.
‘It is. I thought I’d treat myself.’
I press down on the capsule, trying to force it in.
‘Dead right,’ I say. ‘You deserve it.’
‘You have to lift the lever first,’ Matthew says quietly.
My face burning, I do as he says and the capsule slips into place.
‘Why don’t I take over?’ he suggests. ‘Maybe you
and Rachel would like to sit in the garden. I’ll bring the coffee out.’
‘Thanks,’ I say gratefully.
‘Are you all right?’ Rachel asks, once we’re on the terrace. ‘Maybe I should have phoned first but I was in Browbury this morning and thought I’d drop in on impulse.’
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‘Don’t worry, it’s not you, it’s me,’ I say, making her laugh. ‘I couldn’t remember how to work the coffee machine. First it was the microwave, then the washing machine. Now it’s the coffee machine. Next I’ll be forgetting how to dress myself.’ I pause a moment,
steadying myself to make the big announcement. ‘It
seems I might have early-onset dementia.’
‘Yes, you told me a couple of weeks ago.’
‘Oh,’ I say, deflated.
‘You haven’t been for the tests yet, have you?’
‘No, not yet.’
‘What about the pills? Are you still taking them?’
‘Yes.’ I lower my voice. ‘But I never take any at weekends because I don’t want Matthew to know how much they affect me. I just pretend to take them and hide them in my drawer.’
She frowns at this. ‘Cass! Surely, if they affect you that much, you shouldn’t be taking them at all! Or at least be taking a smaller dose.’
‘Maybe, but I don’t want to. Without them I wouldn’t make it through the week. They make me forget I’m alone in the house, they make me forget about the phone calls.’
‘Are you still getting them?’
‘On and off.’
She places a hand on my arm. ‘You have to tell the
police, Cass.’
I glance up at her. ‘What’s the point? I don’t suppose they’d be able to do anything.’
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257
‘You don’t know that. Maybe they could put a trace on
your incoming calls or something. What does Matthew think?’
‘He thinks I’m not getting them anymore.’
‘Here comes Matthew with our coffee,’ she interrupts loudly, warning me of his arrival. He puts a cup down in front of her and she looks up at him sweetly. ‘Thank you.’
‘Just shout if you want a refill.’