Matthew picks it. ‘Hello? Yes, it’s Mr Anderson.’ I stare at him wild-eyed, wondering why he’s telling the murderer his name. ‘I’m sorry, Officer, I’m afraid it’s another false alarm. I came home to check on my wife because she wasn’t answering the phone and I didn’t realise she’d set the alarm so I triggered it when I came in. I’m sorry you’ve been troubled. No really, everything’s fine.’
The pennies drop with agonising slowness, one after the other. Waves of shame flood my body, turning my skin hot. I sink onto the stairs, painfully aware that somehow, once again, I’ve got it wrong. I try to pull myself together, for Matthew’s sake as well as mine, but I can’t stop shaking. My hands seem to have taken on a life of their own and, in an effort to hide them from him, I cross my arms over my body and tuck them out of sight.
Matthew finishes reassuring the police that they don’t need to come out and makes another call, again reassuring the person at the other end that everything is fine and that there’s nothing to worry about.
‘Who was that?’ I ask dully.
‘The office.’ He stays with his back turned as if he can’t bring himself to look at me. I don’t blame him. If I were in his shoes, I’d walk straight out the front door The Breakdown
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and never come back. ‘Valerie asked me to let them
know that you were all right.’ Now he turns and I wish he hadn’t because of the bewildered look on his face.
‘What’s going on, Cass? Why wouldn’t you answer any of my calls? I’ve been worried sick about you. I’ve been phoning you on and off for the best part of an hour.
I even tried your mobile in case you were upstairs. I thought something had happened to you.’
I give a harsh laugh. ‘What, that I’d been murdered?’
Shock registers on his face. ‘Is that what you wanted me to think?’
I regret my words instantly. ‘No, of course not.’
‘Then why didn’t you answer my calls?’
‘I didn’t know they were from you.’
‘You must have known; my number comes up!’ He
runs his hand through his hair, trying to understand.
‘Were you trying to teach me some kind of lesson, is that what this is about? Because if you were, I’m not sure I’ll be able to forgive you. Have you any idea what I’ve just been through?’
‘What about me?’ I cry. ‘What about what I’ve gone through? Why did you have to keep phoning? You know about the calls I’ve been receiving.’
‘I kept phoning because when you hung up without saying goodbye, I knew you were upset and I wanted to make sure you were all right! And why did you presume it was one of those calls without even checking the number? Nothing you say adds up, nothing at all!’
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‘I didn’t check who was calling because I got another silent call this morning! After that, I was too scared to answer in case it was him again.’
‘So scared that you barricaded yourself inside the sitting room?’
‘Well, at least you know how much those calls frighten me.’
He shakes his head wearily. ‘This has got to stop, Cass.’
‘Don’t you think I want it to?’ He walks towards the door. ‘Where are you going?’
‘Back to work.’
I look at him in dismay. ‘Can’t you stay?’
‘No. When I couldn’t get through to you, I had them reschedule a meeting.’
‘Then can you come back as soon as it’s finished?’
‘No, I’m afraid not. There are too many people away.’
‘But you told me earlier that you’d try and come home early!’
He sighs. ‘I’ve just taken an hour out of my working day to come and check up on you so I’ll be home at the usual time,’ he says patiently.’ He takes the car key from his pocket. ‘I need to go.’
He leaves, closing the front door firmly behind him and I wonder how much more he’s going to be able to take before he snaps completely. I hate myself, I hate what I’ve become.
Desperate for a cup of tea, I go into the kitchen and switch on the kettle. If it hadn’t been for the knife I’d The Breakdown
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seen lying on the side last night, I would have coped
better this morning. The call would still have upset me but I wouldn’t have been so traumatised that I couldn’t check who the next call was coming from. If I had, I would have seen it was from Matthew, I would have answered it and everything would have been all right.