“If you’re not ready or something. If you don’t want to start something with all this going on,” he waves his hand at the campus around us.
I stop walking, so Lucio does too, planting his feet in the dirt beside mine. “I don’t want to wait,” I answer before I can stop myself.
“You don’t?”
I shake my head. Lucio turns to face me, steps even closer to me.
“That’s not what I meant!” I shout, stepping backward so quickly that I trip and fall to the ground. Lucio helps me up, his hand warm and soft against mine.
“What did you mean?” he prompts softly.
“I meant . . .” I pause, not entirely sure how to answer that question. I meant that I want to talk about Estella with someone else. To hold that same someone else’s hand. To hug that same someone else and kiss that same someone else and let that someone else’s forehead rest against mine.
The someone I actually do want to do all of that with isn’t the boy standing just inches away from me, whose hand holds my own so gently.
Finally I know why I didn’t kiss him last night and why I won’t kiss him now. I know why it feels like cheating every time Lucio and I stand close to one another. I’m not just cheating on Nolan but on myself, on my own feelings. There’s a reason why I hate the idea of Nolan moving on with someone else and why I don’t want to try to move on either. Because no matter how much I like Lucio . . .
I’m in love with Nolan.
A Road Trip
“I think I know where she is!” I shout triumphantly when I walk into the coffee shop the next day, as though the revelation only just occurred to me, as though I haven’t known where she’s been all along.
“What are you talking about?” Nolan asks, keeping his voice low, like he’s scared the other patrons will know what we’re talking about and go off in search of Sunshine too.
“According to Professor Jones’s notes, there’s a luiseach training facility south of the border.”
“In Mexico?”
I nod. “That’s where she said she was, right?”
“But that’s an entire country,” Nolan protests. “She could be anywhere.”
“True, but you said he was taking her to begin her training, right?”
Nolan shrugs. “I’m not exactly sure what his plan was.”
I bite my lip, trying to conceal my displeasure. I’d been hoping for a more enthusiastic response. “Okay, but this is at least our best lead, right? Professor Jones’s notes say he’s actually been to this place.”
Honestly I haven’t a clue what Professor Jones’s notes might say, but I do know he went down to our campus more than once. When Abner was alive, he and Aidan were the best of friends. More than ten years ago Aidan was the one who helped the professor’s spirit move on when he passed away, even though he was far from the nearest luiseach at the time. He used his strength to pull Abner’s spirit to him, across the thousands of miles separating them.
Aidan and I had long since been estranged by the time Abner died, but I felt it nonetheless.
“Come on,” I whine, hoping that I sound like no more than a needy young girl. “You said you want her to know about what her mentor did to her, keeping you two apart?”
Nolan nods. “I’m going to e-mail her, but I’m not sure she’ll read it.” He sighs, his tawny hair falling across his eyes. “She’s probably angry I never called her back.”
Under other circumstances I might point out that luiseach are unlikely to hold grudges, especially against their protectors. But better he believes the girl is furious with him. Better he thinks he needs to make a grand gesture to get her back. Like driving thousands of miles across the country and into the jungle.
“Even if she reads your e-mail, you have to explain all this to her in person. It’s too complicated and too important.”
“I know, but I can’t just drop everything and head into the middle of nowhere. Do you even know exactly where this place is?”
I shrug. “We’ll find it. It’s supposedly huge. Come on,” I moan. “Road trip?”
“Why do you care so much?” Nolan says, but he’s smiling.
“You’re my friend. I want to help you. Isn’t that what friends do?” And I need you in order to step foot on that campus, I think but do not say. Without Nolan there may as well be a thousand-foot wall surrounding the property, keeping my people and me out and the others in. Instead, I say, “You’re her protector. And the one thing we know for sure about protectors is that it’s their job to get luiseach the information they need. Which means you need to get this information to her ASAP.”
Nolan nods. “I know,” he says firmly. He brushes his hair out of his eyes, and I see that they’re focused in a way they’ve never been before. Protectors instinctively want to stay close to their luiseach, and now that Nolan sees a way to get to his luiseach, his instincts are kicking in.
Finally he says, “Guess it’s time to hit the road.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Back on the Grid