The Accidental Familiar (Accidentals #14)

Wanda chuckled and scratched Calamity under the chin, burying her face in the cat’s neck. “You tell her, Snookiepuss.”


Nina openly gaped at Wanda, her flawless face a tight mask of anger. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Wanda? Why the hell are you taking her side? Stop gettin’ in the middle of our shit, for Christ’s sake! If she didn’t behave like a motherfluffin’ kid, I wouldn’t treat her like one! I’ve been chasin’ after this toddler on steroids since she got here, putting out fire after fucking fire just as she lights another damn match. Now mind your damn P’s and Q’s!”

Marty popped her glossed lips and clapped her hands, a cheerfully forced smile on her face. “Ladies! Knock it off!” she shouted then squared her shoulders and smoothed her faux fur vest over her waistline. “We have no time to spare while the two of you argue over how Nina parents her unruly familiar. We have a job to do. Let’s do it before this Cecily shows up and steals Calamity’s thunder or Poppy ends up with an ogre like Nina for the rest of her days. Now, what do we do next, Calamity?”

Calamity hopped from Wanda’s shoulder to the ground and stretched. “It’s a doozy of a ride. You sure you’re up for it?”

As Poppy listened to Calamity’s explanation and watched the drama between the women unfold, she remained quiet, dealing with this new feeling she had. This new certainty was maybe a better word.

She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, what these women spoke was the truth. There was no second-guessing, no quibbling. She instinctually knew the cat really could talk. Nina really was half-vampire, half-witch, and Poppy really did have to get to this place called Familiar Central.

She didn’t quite understand this innate sense of the truth; she wasn’t even sure how she was keeping from freaking out about the fact that Nina was a vampire-witch.

Maybe that would come later? For now, she had to take care of this. There was a pressing urgency in her gut that said she needed to trust her instincts.

“Does this familiar thing pay?”

“Like in money?” Calamity asked, cocking her round head.

She needed money. It wasn’t likely Mel was going to pay her now after she’d obliterated her sound system. To make everything worse, she was surely on the verge of being booted from her apartment if she didn’t come up with three months’ rent by next week.

Old Mr. Rush, her landlord, was an understanding guy, a great guy, in fact. But he couldn’t live on nothing any more than she could. And that’s what she’d been paid for spending almost four months on the road in a show that had such low attendance, the audiences were all but taking naps.

Nothing.

That son of a bitch Randall Cranston had run off with what little profit they’d made, leaving her and the rest of the cast high and dry.

She hated leaving her apartment and all the incredible people who’d been her neighbors for almost five years now, but she’d come to the realization her choices were growing slimmer by the day.

She’d even considered going back to her parents in Cincinnati. While she loved them, she didn’t necessarily want to live with them and their paneled walls and meals with a Wheel of Fortune/Jeopardy! double whammy anymore.

So this was a possible answer to all her financial problems.

Besides, she’d done crazier things for cash.

Finally, she said, “Well, yeah, I mean in money. I have to eat.”

“Not in money, no. But it does include room and board. Er, mostly…”

Calamity’s vague answer went by the wayside, almost unheard after the words “room and board.” Looking down at the cat, Poppy nodded with total calm. “I’m ready.”

For the first time since she’d met her, Nina grinned as she scanned Poppy’s face, her glimmering eyes searching. “Holy fuck. You’re serious?”

She was. She didn’t know why she was, but she was. “I am. Let’s go.”

Nina gazed down at Calamity and pointed a long finger at her. “Then let’s get it on before she comes down off her high o’ crazy and changes her mind.”

“Did you bring your wand?” she asked Nina, stretching a paw forward.

Nina made a face, the hard lines of her jaw tightening. “No, I didn’t bring my fucking wand. That shit is like holding a hand grenade. I never know whether I’m going to blow crap up or turn it into a friggin’ animated ice sculpture. I’m not good enough at it yet to carry it around full time. Christ, it was much easier just being a vampire. All I had to do was flash my fangs and shit got done.”

Calamity clucked her tongue. “What have I told you about your wand, you beast? Ya gotta keep it with you at all damn times. It’s like leaving an organ behind.”

“I don’t have any organs.”

“Okay, it’s like leaving your sunscreen behind. Crucially important. I’ve only told you that a bafrillion times, Nina. You do know you just made this shit much harder?”

Poppy blinked. Nina had a wand? “Why does that make shit harder?” she asked.

Calamity snorted. “Hold one minute, and I’ll show you…”





Chapter 2

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