I slam my forehead into the steering wheel, pounding it over and over. I feel a bruise forming. It feels good again. Right.
How can I love him so much and hate myself? I do love him. I feel it. It’s there hovering over my decisions, my plan. I lift my head and look in the mirror. My lip’s bleeding and my forehead is full of steering wheel marks.
I spend the rest of the day driving by Dean’s house and checking until I see his car in the driveway.
36
5 Days
My car’s still running as I stare up at Colter’s house. The hanging ghosts have multiplied and there are a hundred more decals on the windows. I don’t want to go in, but Colter wants me to hang with him and his family. They’re having a pre-Halloween scary movie marathon, complete with pizza, popcorn, and every kind of candy you can dream up. At least that’s what Colter said.
I know his mom’s going to be there, but if I’m going to be with him I have to accept her, at least until Halloween. I pull the flaps of my coat together and put my gloved hands in my coat pockets as I reach the front of the door. I stand staring at the door for at least a minute, contemplating running away and forgetting about all of this. As I’m about to raise my hand to knock, it swings open.
Loretta. The brunette twin’s confused, suspicious eyes roam over me. “Are you dating my uncle?” she asks as Cooper strolls up beside her and cocks his head at me. I choke on a pile of saliva that formed during my walk to the door. Hearing her call him her uncle makes him sound old, and hearing that question spoken so honestly by a kid is something I wasn’t prepared for. I should have been; Tate talked the same way.
She laughs and opens the door wider. “Don’t worry about answering. I already know. I am eight and a half, after all.”
I smile at her as Colter moves in behind her. “Is she giving you shit?”
Loretta’s eyes go wide as she turns to face him. “You said a bad word.” I suppress a giggle. Colter feigns like he’s in trouble, but before he can say anything Loretta whispers, “I won’t tell.”
She sounds so much like Tate did. Sadness at their exchange is threatening to surface, but I glance at Colter and think about him instead. Try to remember what his lips feel like on mine, what his heartbeat sounds like, the words he said to me.
He crouches down and holds out his hand for a shake. Loretta puts her little fingers in his. “Thanks,” Colter says.
“Are you letting that cold air in?” a woman’s voice says from inside. It sounds like his mom.
My insides churn at her voice. I’m sure I’m the last person she wants to see. I wonder if he told her I was coming.
Colter ruffles Loretta’s hair and she groans, slapping his hand away and leaving the entrance followed by Cooper.
He grabs my hand, yanks me inside, pushes me up against the hall closet and kisses me. I get momentarily lost in the wonderful heat his kisses produce. It’s kind of amazing how he can make me forget about everything bad in my life, even if it is only when his lips touch mine.
Snapping out of my daze, I flatten my hands on his chest. “Stop that, hornball. Your family’s in the other room.”
He grins while removing my hands and moves closer. “So?”
I can’t help but smile at him, at his complete lack of caring about what people think. I wish I had that in me. I used to have that. He kisses me once more and play-frowns when he lets me go. “Fine. You win. Come on, I have this great popcorn seasoning you have to try.”
Orange and black decorations are spread throughout the living room, and his family is scattered around it. I recognize the twins and their mom. Mrs. Sawyer is sitting up straight in a seat by the corner with her laptop on her lap. Atticus is on the couch next to the girl from The Pizza Shoppe. I wink at him. He smiles back. The girl notices and I get a jealous glare from her that makes me smile. She really must like him.
Colter leaves me in the room to get the pizza. The Exorcist is blaring from the TV and I wonder why the twins are allowed to watch it. I take a seat on the floor.
“Ellery, I’m so glad you could come,” Mrs. Sawyer says in a tone that contradicts her words.
I’m not sure if anyone else notices.
“So, do you like scary movies, Ellery?” the twins’ mom asks. I realize I haven’t learned her name and I suddenly feel stupid that she knows mine.
“I do.” I look to the screen as Regan spider-walks down the stairs. I shudder. “The Exorcist is one of my favorites.”
I shift on the ground to get more comfortable as a set of arms curl around me. Colter lays down a paper plate of pizza and scoots in behind me so I’m sitting between his legs. I feel the heat come to my cheeks as he leans in and lays his chin on my shoulder.