“Nothing.” I smile at him, then it feels like too much, too close to feeling. I switch gears. “You’re such a pervert. Way to make him more nervous.”
The edges of Colter’s mouth turn up into a sheepish grin. “What? There’s a lot you can do on a date without talking.”
I shake my head.
“There he goes,” Colter says, shoving his piece of gum into his mouth.
Atticus wipes his hands on his jeans obsessively, but he makes it to the table and from here it looks like his mouth is moving.
“How do you think it’s going?” Colter asks with a worried look on his face.
It kills me how unselfish this guy is. I don’t deserve to be breathing the same air as him.
“Good. He’s still there, isn’t he?”
He runs a hand through his hair and scrunches it in his hands. “I’m just worried. If he gets shot down. I don’t know how to pick him up from that. I mean, I can only do so much.”
I look at him. I’m starting to really like this guy too much. And for some reason he wants to be around me. Save me. “He has to do this himself. You can’t help everyone. Even if you want to.” I grab his hand across the table, not even realizing I’m doing it until it’s done. “We need to make our own mistakes.”
“You said we.”
I let go of his hand and slide mine back into my lap. “I did. I meant him. He. He needs to make his own mistakes.”
Atticus comes back and he’s smiling. Good sign.
“How’d it go?” I ask.
His eyes are large. “She asked me to the dance.”
Colt grabs his brother’s shoulders and shakes them. “Dude, that’s awesome.”
Atticus turns to his big brother. “She asked me. How embarrassing is that?”
“Not embarrassing at all. Girls can ask boys out. Watch,” I say. “Tom Sawyer, will you go to the Halloween dance with me?”
Colter smiles. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Atticus beams, then gets a confused look on his face. “Why’d you call him Tom Sawyer?”
I giggle, but don’t say anything.
“It’s her code name for me. You should get one, too,” Colter says, looking from Atticus to me. He claps his hands together. “Mission accomplished. Now, I need to take my girl, and we’ll leave you to yours,” Colter says, nudging Atticus out of the booth.
My breathing’s sped up since he’s said the words my girl.
Atticus looks at me and lowers his head a little. “Thanks for your help, Ellery. My brother’s lucky to have you.”
“I’m the lucky one.” Shit. I sound like a Nicholas Sparks novel. But for that moment, I’m happy, and I know I’m falling for Colter. And it’s scary and wrong, but I can’t stop it. For the first time I’m wondering if I need to stick to my plan. Maybe this unexpected puzzle piece is the answer.
You can’t change your plan for a boy.
It wouldn’t be right.
Colter grabs my hand and drags me out of The Pizza Shoppe into the cold air. We sprint to his SUV. I stumble over a rock in the parking lot, but he keeps pulling me behind him.
“What’s up with you? Is there a race I don’t know about?”
He halts us before the passenger door and turns around. He gives me a seductive grin and wraps his arms around my waist. My heart is pumping hard and everything on me feels hot. I know the air is cold, it was freezing when we went inside, but I feel nothing but his arms around my waist.
“I think . . . .” He closes his eyes. “Fuck,” he growls, and opens his eyes, his gaze strong and determined and a little confused mixed with surprised. “I think I’m falling in love with you?”
He says it like a question and that throws me off. I have trouble forming words. I can only stare into his deep eyes and get lost. “Is that a question or a statement?” I ask, finally recovering my voice.
“I’m in love with you,” he answers firmly.
I freeze at his words. The finality of them, what they represent. I can’t say it back. I feel it, but I can’t say it, not when I don’t know if I can keep the promises I keep making.
“Can I kiss you?” I back up a little, afraid of trying again, afraid of losing myself, afraid of changing. He walks toward me, moving his hands to my cheeks, and cradles my face. Concern flashes across his features.
I close my eyes and wait. I feel warm, but it’s not the same. Somehow the warmth is good, different. For once, I don’t want to be cold. I give him a firm nod this time.
A sly smile grows on his lips as he gently presses them to mine. The kiss is soft and sweet, tentative, careful. I open my mouth and press harder to his, telling him it’s okay. I feel my strength pour from my lips to his. He moves his hands to my waist and his fingers trail under my shirt, touching my exposed skin. They’re cold on my warm skin, and perfect. He spins me around and pushes me against the metal door. The handle wedges itself into my back, but I don’t care because all I can feel, all I can think about are his safe warm kisses.
And for once. Nothing else.
35