Sunday Morning (Damaged #7.5)
By: Bijou Hunter
Jodi studied me, and I thought she understood. Sometimes stars aligned, the timing was perfect, and the heart just craved what it craved.
“I won’t be sixteen forever,” she said, crossing her arms. “That’s your problem, isn’t it? My age.”
“Among other things.”
“What things?”
“I’m a thorn, baby. I don’t know how to be anything else.”
“What do you mean by being a thorn?”
“I crush. I fuck. I don’t care about how pretty it looks or feels. I do things because they need doing. You got rainbows in your head and stars in your eyes. I’m all meat and potatoes. I fuck hard and fast. I don’t hug. I certainly don’t cuddle. I don’t even tell the bitches goodbye when I’m done with them. I’m not anyone’s boyfriend. I’ll never care about a woman’s feelings. The only reason I still exist is because no one’s been tough enough to put me down.”
Jodi had considered my words for maybe a minute before she asked, “Is that all you want? If it is, then maybe my age isn’t the only issue.”
“I don’t know what I want.”
Jodi smiled knowingly, and my skin crawled under her warm gaze. “You might be an old man, but you’re as lost as a kid.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “You’re not wrong.”
“Why do you think you’re lost?”
“I was a kid and got into the habit of doing certain shit. Crushing people. Fucking without using my heart. Then I was a man, and I did the same shit. I don’t think I ever really thought about why I am this way. I never thought about anything, but now I think about it too much.”
“Everything gets boring after awhile.”
“That it does.”
Jodi studied me with the gaze of a woman twice her age. She was dissecting me, and it felt hot as hell.
“You’re a grown enforcer for a club with little kids in charge.”
“They do act like little kids.”
“Why follow them when they should be following you?”
“I don’t know if I want to be in charge.”
“Why not? What are they doing that you couldn’t?”
Frowning at her, I asked, “Are you trying to cause trouble for me?”
“You’re bored, and I’m thinking of ways to change things for you. I figured giving up your life of crime and becoming a grocery checkout boy wasn’t in the cards. Being club president is more in your wheelhouse.”
“My club already has a president.”
“Start a new club.”
Putting out my cigarette, I sighed. “Life’s really simple when you’re young.”
“I live in a shithole with an addict mom. I go to a crappy school where I can’t learn anything. I don’t have any skills that’ll make climbing out of my shithole easier. I’m attracted to a bad man going through a midlife crisis. There’s nothing simple about my life.”
My fingers reached out and took hold of her blonde hair blowing in the evening wind.
“Where were you heading tonight?” I softly asked.
“I wanted to find somewhere quiet to read.”
I slid the hair through my fingers. “It’s a small thing to want.”
“The world is too loud.”
Jodi’s voice hurt me deep inside where I rarely felt. When I was her age, I wanted to feel safe. The only way I could find safety was to hurt everyone around me. I crushed everyone until I was the guy no one messed with, and I could finally breathe. Jodi’s goal was so small in comparison. She only wanted to be left alone to read. Such a minor fucking request from someone who could want the world.
“You can use my apartment,” I said without thinking. “I’ll get you a key. It’s not far from the trailer park, and it’s quiet.”
“Why?” she asked in a wary voice.
Jodi got under my skin, but I couldn’t tell her this fact. She’d want to believe I was a romantic guy pining over her pretty face. The stars in her eyes and the rainbows in her head would convince her I was capable of feeling what my heart would never allow. I’d gone cold long ago, and there was no rekindling what I’d willfully destroyed to survive.
Jodi needed a reason that made sense to her and didn’t give her false hope.
“Consider it part of my midlife crisis.”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
“You ought to be,” I said immediately.
“If you hurt me, you hurt me. I’m not going to sit around being scared of you until then.”
Frowning at the setting sun, I wished she was five years older, and I were a different man.
“I should probably get you home.”
“Why?”
“You shouldn’t be running the streets at night.”
“I’m not running the streets. I’m standing here with you.”
“Fine. Then I’m having a hard time not fucking you on my hog right now. I figure I better get you home before I act like an asshole and take what I want.”
Jodi studied me fearlessly. “You’re full of shit,” she said and then smiled. “I won’t overstay my welcome, though. Give me a ride home if that’s what you need to do.”