I POURED MYSELF A DRINK and stared out my office window. It was dark already. For the last three days, I left the house before the sun rose and returned in the middle of the night. I was exhausted, and it had nothing to do with lack of sleep. The anger that I’d been carrying around was physically draining. Blood boiled in my veins. I was distraught, rejected, betrayed, filled with fury. Hurt squeezed the cold muscle that had replaced the warm heart inside my chest—a heart that had only just begun to thaw after meeting Soraya.
I’d been betrayed before. Fuck, Genevieve and Liam were my best friend and fiancé. When shit went down with them, I’d lost two people who had been the biggest part of my life for years. Yet that loss felt nothing like this. No, there was no comparison. This was utter devastation—the type of loss you feel when you lose someone to death. I still couldn’t get over what Soraya had done to me…what she’d done to us. Never would I have thought she was capable of being unfaithful. The woman I fell in love with was open and honest. It made me question if I had ever really known her at all.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, and just as I did for the last three days, my hopes rose longing to see Soraya’s name flash on the screen. But, of course, it wasn’t; she was gone. I gulped back the contents of my glass and answered.
“Genevieve.”
“Graham. What’s going on? Where have you been?”
“I’ve been busy.”
“Chloe is starting to ask questions. You’ve canceled on seeing her two nights in a row. She’s very vulnerable right now after losing Liam and needs consistency. She needs you, Graham. Somehow, she’s already grown attached.”
I closed my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was let Chloe down. I’d canceled because I didn’t want her to see me this way—unhappy and angry. But I was a parent now. I needed to get my head out of my ass for the sake of my daughter. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing that concerns you.”
“Is something going on with that girlfriend of yours?”
I ignored her question. “How about if I come for breakfast in the morning and then take Chloe to school?”
“That would be good.” The phone went quiet for a minute. “Chloe isn’t the only one who misses you, Graham. I like having you around.”
“I’ll see you at seven tomorrow, Genevieve.”
After I hung up, I set my empty glass on the credenza. The pile of newspapers that Ava had left were still there. The City Post, the paper that Ask Ida was printed in each day. I picked the top one up and stared at it. I’d intentionally avoided going anywhere near the paper, unable to trust myself not to scour the Ask Ida column for traces of Soraya’s words. The last thing I needed was to read her giving advice to some poor schlep on the topic of love or cheating. No fucking way. I threw the paper back on the pile and decided to call it a day.
***
“MOMMY SAID YOU LIKED BANANAS in your pancakes.” Chloe and I were sitting at the dining room table finishing our breakfast and strawberry milk. Genevieve had gone upstairs to get dressed for work.
“I do. And chocolate chips, too. My grandmother used to make banana chocolate chip pancakes for me all the time when I was your age.” I leaned to my daughter and whispered, “You want to know a secret?”
She nodded her head fast.
“Sometimes she still makes them for me. And they’re even better than your mom’s.”
Chloe belly laughed. The sound was the best medicine in the world for me; nothing could stop my face from smiling when I heard that. I’d kept away from my daughter to protect her from what I was feeling, worried my sour mood was contagious. Yet the reality was, it was the other way around—it was Chloe’s naturally happy-go-lucky disposition that was contagious. This little precious girl had lost a man she loved as her father only months ago, and yet here she was smiling. If she could do it, I could, too. My daughter was inspiring.
I reached over and cupped her cheeks. “I’ve missed you, sweetheart.”
“You didn’t come see me for a few days.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I was caught up in something. But that won’t happen again.”
“Can we go see your grandmother one day for breakfast?”
Not only was she inspiring, but she was also full of good ideas. “She’d love that. I’ve told her all about you, and she can’t wait to meet you.”
“Can Soraya come, too?”
My chest tightened at even the mention of her name. I could still actually visualize the four of us together. Myself and the three most important women in my life. My daughter, Meme, and the woman I loved. It was raw to speak of, but I wouldn’t lie to my daughter. “I’m sorry, Chloe. She won’t be able to come with us. But maybe you and I could go together this weekend?”
Genevieve picked that moment to walk back into the dining room.
“Are you mad at Soraya?” My eyes caught briefly with Genevieve before I answered my daughter.
“Sometimes things don’t work out between adults and they stop seeing each other.”
“Why didn’t things work out with you and Soraya? I liked her.”
I took a deep breath. “I liked her, too.” Glancing at my watch, I changed the subject. “You’re going to be late if we don’t get you going. I thought I would drop you at school today, if that’s alright with you?”