The next tall glass of alcohol left me feeling even more relaxed. Genevieve and I moved our conversation to lighter topics, and I settled into the couch comfortably waiting for my daughter.
“Graham?” Her tone had changed, and she hesitated until I was looking her in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it before, but I want you to know that I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I hate that I hurt you, and I wish I could do it all over again and take back all of my selfish decisions.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ve matured since then. Having a child taught me a lot about myself. I don’t need to be the center of anyone’s universe anymore, because she’s mine.”
“I can see that.”
It wasn’t until I stood to go to the bathroom an hour later that all of the alcohol really hit me. I’d had a drink in my office before I left, two glasses of wine over dinner, and it had to be four cognacs. Drunk was never a sensation I enjoyed. The feeling of not being in a clear state of mind was normally something that I despised. But tonight, it felt good. My shoulders were relaxed, and the anger that I’d been carrying around seemed to have lightened a bit as well.
After I relieved myself, I went in search of another refill for my perpetually empty glass and then stumbled my way back to the living room. Genevieve wasn’t there, and it was quiet. I sucked down half my glass and shut my eyes, leaning my head back against the couch. I must have fallen asleep for a few minutes before Genevieve’s voice woke me up.
“Chloe just called while I was upstairs getting changed and asked if she could sleep at Emily’s. She was so excited. I just couldn’t say no. I’m sorry. I hope you’re not upset with me for not asking you first.”
“As long as she’s happy, I’m happy. It’s late. I should get going anyway.” I stood from the couch and wobbled a bit.
“Why don’t I make you some coffee first. Then you can call your driver or a cab, rather than take the train.”
“That’s probably a good idea.” The couch was so comfy, I plopped myself right back down on it and closed my eyes. That was the last thing I remembered doing until Genevieve’s voice woke me hours later in the middle of the night.
“Graham?”
“Hmm…”
“You fell asleep.”
“Shit.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “Sorry. I’ll get going.”
I was covered with a blanket, and the room was dark, but the hall light illuminated the room enough to see Genevieve in front of me. She was wearing a long silk robe that was tied at the waist.
“I’d much rather you stay. But…” She untied her robe and let it fall open. Hesitantly, her hands reached up, and she slipped the silky material from her shoulders. The robe puddled at her feet as she stood before me, fully naked. “I woke you hoping you’d come upstairs to bed instead of staying on the couch.”
CHAPTER 30
SORAYA
A BAD DREAM HAD CAUSED me to wake up in a sweat. While I couldn’t remember it clearly, it involved Graham and Genevieve naked. It was so upsetting that I couldn’t fall back asleep.
The occasional car passing by provided small glimpses of light as I sat in my dark bedroom with that same dreadful feeling of doubt that had kept me up almost every night since the fiasco with Graham and Marco.
Did I do the right thing?
What if he didn’t end up with Genevieve?
What if it was all for nothing?
Those kinds of thoughts would race through my mind. I also constantly wondered where he was and what he was doing, namely if he was doing her. He’d walked away from me so hurt; it wouldn’t have surprised me one bit if Genevieve took full advantage of the situation the second she found out.
His lasts words continued to haunt me.
“Look at me.”
My chest felt constricted. I was either the most selfless woman on Earth or the stupidest. Regardless, the pain of losing Graham was simply not subsiding. I doubted that I would ever stop longing for him, but would it get even a little easier? So far, the passage of time hadn’t helped.
Whether he was drowning his sorrows in someone else or not, I knew that Graham was out there somewhere devastated. He’d really loved me. Somehow, I was sure he still did, even if he was disappointed in me. Love built to last simply doesn’t unravel that fast. I truly felt that ours would have stood the test of time had I not ended things.
When the first glimmer of sunlight appeared through my window, I picked up my phone. Delia was always up at the ass crack of dawn. Constantly needing reassurance that I’d made the right decision, I called her the first opportunity I could.
She picked up. “Again you didn’t sleep?”
“I know. Something has to give. I’m a mess. I haven’t even had the energy to dye my tips red.”
“Now, that’s how I know you’re in trouble.”
“Seriously, right? I’m still wearing the blue as if my entire world hadn’t turned upside down!”
“Listen, Rainbow Brite, I was talking to Tig last night, and he agrees that the two of us need to get away.”
“You and Tig?” I panicked. “You can’t leave me alone now!”
“No…you and me! Like a girls’ trip. You need to get out of the city. Everything here is a reminder of Graham.”