My eyes burned with tears.
Incomplete. I'd feel incomplete, because he was one of the most important parts of my life. I had no idea when it'd happened, but it had, right under my nose, probably when I had my eyes closed.
Wasn't that always when it happened?
Didn't you always fall in love when you were living the emotion instead of deciphering it?
Oh no. I'm in love with West Rykman.
How was it possible? Did it matter? Was falling in love the amount of time you spent with someone, not the length of time you'd known them? Two weeks—but almost every possible hour.
Hour upon hour of touches and looks and kisses and... okay, orgasms.
But was I in love with him, or the way he made me feel?
I closed my eyes. His face came to mind instantly, and the one I could see was the one that had laughter in his hypnotic blue eyes and that irresistible dirty, sexy smirk curving his soft lips.
Could I live without it?
No.
It was the tiniest, most indiscernible whisper from my heart. No. I couldn't live without it. Or him.
God.
I couldn't live without him, and he'd given me the chance to.
It wasn't a chance I could take.
“Mia?” Allie's voice was soft. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” I got up and unlocked the cubicle, pausing in the doorway as I looked at her concerned face. “Yeah, I'm okay.”
“Honestly?”
“Promise you.” I smiled.
“Do you know what you're doing?”
I nodded and walked to her, grabbing her hands. A lifetime of friendship, and she was still my biggest rock. “I'm going to go sort out my best friend's family and remind them whose weekend this is, and then I'm going to go to her rehearsal dinner. Then, tomorrow, I'm going to watch my beautiful best friend walk down the aisle and marry the man of her dreams. And, then...then I'm going after the man of my own. So come on. Let's get this show on this road.”
Allie smiled, stopped me from moving, and hugged me tight.
I had the best friend in the world, because that hug said everything she needed to.
Me: Promise me you'll be there today. I want you to be.
I stared into the mirror as my hair was fixed. Loose curls hung over one of my shoulders, held in place with bobby pins. The soft white robe I was wearing had my name on the breast, a gift from Allie's mom to me, Jaz, and Lucie for being her bridesmaids. Allie herself had given us each the most gorgeous bracelets, set with our birthstones.
They'd be the only things that'd defer from the white and baby pink color scheme she'd settled on.
Lucie was already sitting on the sofa in the living room, painting her toenails, while Jaz was next to me getting her hair done too. Allie's hair was done thirty minutes ago, and she'd been MIA ever since. I was dying for my hair to be finished so I could go and find her. The house was a buzz of activity, so it was amazing nobody had pulled her out of hiding.
She was scared. It had been written all over her face. This day had literally been eighteen months in the plans, and despite the almost-fight at the rehearsal dinner last night that I'd lost my mind over, it was going to go perfectly.
Not that she believed it.
Even informing her that I'd personally haul assholes out of the building hadn’t calmed her down.
I honestly thought she was going to throw up, so the moment my stylist put the sparkling headband in my hair, I got up, tugged my robe around me, and went in search of her.
This was the freak out she had to cope with me for.
I checked every room, downstairs and up, until I noticed the attic door was slightly cracked. Her parents had renovated it fifteen years ago for a 'hangout' area for us. Since Allie had moved out, it'd become half hangout, half storage, and I knew I'd find her up there.
She'd always hidden there.
I jumped four times before I reached the string to pull the door down. The ladder followed, and I climbed up. I seriously hoped nobody came out and walked under it, because they'd get a nice view of my perfectly white panties.
I poked my head through the square door space and looked around.
She was sitting in the corner, head down, surrounded by boxes and flicking through an old photo album. “I thought you'd find me here.”
“Don't worry,” I said, climbing the last of the ladder and stepping into the attic. “Nobody has noticed you're missing.” I pulled the ladder up and shut the door properly. “What's wrong?”
She shrugged. Her blonde hair was pulled into an elegant half-up, half-down style, and the Swarovski tiara that sat prettily on top of her sparkled as sunlight streamed through the roof window. “It's crazy down there. Everyone is running around like the world is ending, and all I want to do is drink my coffee in peace.” She raised a mug with a half-hearted smile.
“Are you scared?” I sat down next to her and hugged my knees to my chest.
“Nervous. Not scared. But that's normal, right?”