I nodded anyway. My throat was closing up, because although a part of me knew he was right, that I did need to be alone to work out what I really wanted and if I could give it my all, it still felt a lot like he was saying goodbye to our relationship.
The same thing I'd tried to do many times.
The same thing I'd failed to do.
He touched his lips to mine in a kiss that was so light it was barely a brush, but at the same time, so strong I felt it all over my body.
He kissed me like he was saying goodbye.
I didn't move as he pulled away from me and walked into my bedroom. The sounds of him gathering his things went through my heart like arrows, but I still couldn't move.
I was afraid—of everything. I was afraid of losing him, of trying to make it work only for it blow up in my face, of the entire situation. I didn't know how thinking it through, alone no less, would make it better.
It wouldn't make it better.
“West.” I jumped off the counter, then paused.
He was standing in the middle of the kitchen, his suitcase behind him. My heart hurt with how beautiful he was, from his handsome face to his strong body, but as always, it was his eyes that drew me in and grabbed hold of me. The blue eyes that swept across my face, that traced the lines of my lips as he waited for me to speak, that finally came to rest on my own bright green ones, shimmering with questions.
“I'm sorry,” I said softly, dropping my eyes to the floor.
“What for?”
For being afraid. For not believing. For not holding my ground before when I said it was enough. For wanting you as badly as I do.
“Everything.”
He released the handle of his case and crossed the room to me. His hands framed my jaw, and he touched his forehead to mine. “Don't apologize for being you, angel. Just, when you think, remember one thing for me. Remember how badly I want you, yeah?” He kissed me once again, this time with more pressure, and I leaned into him, committing the curve of his lips to memory. “See you tomorrow.”
I nodded and watched him go. My stomach dropped with every step away from me he took, and my heart clenched when the door shut.
I dropped onto a stool and leaned over the island, my face in my hands. I slid my fingers through my hair until my head had completely fallen forward, and I gripped my hair a little tighter than normal for one reason.
The sting across my scalp was sharper than the one that kept shooting through my heart.
Regardless of the pain and the fear and worry, West was right. I needed to decide what I wanted, and if what I wanted was him.
I was pretty sure it was, but committing was the thing I needed to think about.
My thoughts were cut short by the ringing of my phone. I grabbed it and slid it toward the counter for me. Allie. “Hey.”
“I need you!” she cried down the phone. “Joe's brother has disappeared with my cousin, my mom and aunt are already arguing over where to place the cake during the reception, and there's no alcohol left.”
“I'll pack my things for tonight and stop by the store on the way over.” I got up, pushing the thoughts of West to the back of my mind.
“Aren't you with West?”
“I... no. Not right now.”
“I'll—” she paused as screaming echoed in the background. It sounded awfully like her mom. “I'll meet you at the wine bar a block over from my mom's. Otherwise I won't survive until the wedding tomorrow.”
Our two-person wine date had quickly morphed into four. Apparently the fact I wasn't with West right at this second was highly worrisome to my best friend and she'd called Jaz and Lucie.
The worry line was probably bullshit, and it was more she wanted distracting, but I needed focusing, so it worked.
“You blew off the hot stripper?” Jaz got straight to the point.
“I didn't blow off the hot stripper,” I shot back at her. “I'm...” I didn't know.
“Thinking about blowing off the hot stripper?” Lucie offered helpfully.
“I think that's exactly what she's doing.” Allie took a big mouthful of wine and gulped it down. Yep, she was stressed.
“Whoa—slow down, chicken.” Jaz touched her fingertip to the rim of Allie's glass and pushed it down until the base touched the table. “You don't need to be hung-over for tomorrow.”
“Nope, but I do need to be sane. Can we get back to Mia and West now?”
“Do we have to?” I asked, groaning and leaning forward. I rested my head on her shoulder, and she reached up and patted my cheek. “He doesn't want to pursue a relationship that isn't going to be serious. He had a bad one in the past, and he's made it clear he's not willing to have another.”
“Hold on.” Lucie massaged her left temple as she stared flatly at me. “You're unwilling to have a relationship with West? That super sexy stripper you invited back to your hotel room after your biggest conversation being his dick flexing in front of your face? The same sex god you've been face-fucking and cock-sucking and rough-sexing for the past two weeks?”
“Gee, say it a little louder,” I hissed.