Stranger Than Fanfiction

“I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about me,” he said. “You see, for once I thought I had found people that might care about me more than the show I was on. For once I thought I may have found a group of friends, but I guess I was wrong. There are only two types of people someone like me gets to have in their life: fans and critics. I’m stupid for expecting anything else.”


“Now you’re just being a drama queen,” Mo said. “We can be your friends and fans of your show, too. As fans we’re heartbroken our favorite show is over, but as your friends we’re pissed off you didn’t tell us sooner. Seems like you’re the one who doesn’t know how to be a real friend.”

“So you’re saying if I told you on day one that I was leaving the show, we could have still had fun together?” he asked the car. “Because today is day six and you guys are acting like I’m a murderer. Face it, you guys are fans first. All you really care about is the show and the fantasy it provides you—that’s the only reason you put up with me this week. So don’t lecture me about real friendship.”

The others wanted to object but they couldn’t prove him wrong. Despite how close they’d become to Cash, maybe he wasn’t a real friend if their loyalties were still with Wiz Kids. After all, they’d only known the actor for less than a week, but they’d known his show for the majority of their lives.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be with you much longer,” Cash said. “As soon as this car stops I’ll happily leave the trip so you’re free to crucify and vilify me just like all the other Wizzers in the world right now.”

At seven o’clock on Friday evening, the station wagon pulled in to a lookout point on the edge of the Grand Canyon. Cash grabbed his things and hopped out of the car before it came to a complete stop. He stormed off into the forest beside the canyon without the slightest clue where he was going—he just wanted to get as far away as possible.

“Where do think you’re going?” Topher said.

The actor ignored him and continued through the trees. Topher ran after him and the others followed, but Cash was moving at such a determined pace it was difficult to keep up. The breathtaking sight of the Grand Canyon was just a few feet away but none of them were paying any attention to it.

“There’s nowhere to go for miles,” Topher tried again. “You’re going to get lost.”

“Like you give a fuck,” Cash said.

“What are you talking about?” Topher asked. “We’ve spent this whole trip giving fucks about you! When I carried you out of that warehouse, that was giving a fuck! When we delayed our plans to go to High Tydes, that was giving another fuck! When we stopped on the side of the road so you could drive a Porsche, that was giving a fuck, too! When we hid you from those tourists at the jailhouse, that was also giving a fuck! And now we’re chasing your ass through a forest because, guess what, we give a fuck!”

“So what do you want? A medal?”

“No, we’re just asking for a little consideration,” he said. “This has been a terrible week for you, but it hasn’t been easy for us, either! We learned secrets about our favorite television show, we found out our hero isn’t who we thought he was, we found ourselves in the middle of a scandal, and we just found out we’ve lost everything that held our friendship together! Why don’t you cut us some slack?”

The remark got under Cash’s skin and he stopped to face Topher and the others.

“I’m sorry I ruined your favorite show. I’m sorry I ruined your little road trip. I’m sorry for dragging you into the dark side of my world. But I’m not sorry you lost a hero, because you’re all adults. You should know by now that heroes don’t exist. It’s your own fault for thinking they do.”

“That’s not true!” Topher said. “I know heroes exist because I’m my little brother’s hero. It isn’t easy, it’s not always fun, it’s full of hard choices, and sometimes you have to put yourself second to help the people you love. But being a hero is a choice and you’ve chosen to disappoint millions of people by leaving your show! So don’t tell me heroes don’t exist when you’re just too selfish to be one!”

Joey, Sam, and Mo were expecting this to infuriate Cash, but the actor didn’t look upset at all. On the contrary, he stared at Topher with pity like he was a sad little boy.

“You’re wrong, Topher,” Cash said. “You could devote years to doing everything you just said and still disappoint people the second you put yourself first. You can’t manage your brother’s happiness any more than I can manage yours. The truth is you’re only responsible for one person and that’s yourself—believe me, I’ve learned that lesson the hard way.”

The actor suddenly dropped to his knees and held his head in pain.

“FUCK, MY HEAD HURTS!” he moaned.

Cash opened the front pouch of his backpack but couldn’t find what he was looking for.

“Shit, I’m out of gummies, too!” he said. “Maybe one fell to the bottom.”

Cash dumped out his bag and frantically searched through his things. An empty prescription bottle rolled out of his bag and across the ground to Topher’s feet. He picked it up and read the label.

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