“Make it thirty. Take a damn shower, girl.”
I hung up the phone and scrambled to the bathroom. This was my life now, living vicariously through my best friend. She had a goal and, now, she was taking another massive step toward that goal. I couldn’t be happier for her. I figured if I watched her succeed long enough, I’d know what the hell to do with my life. I’d know where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do.
But as I got myself dressed and drove over to her salon, all I could think about was the last time I’d actually stepped out of my apartment.
And I really couldn’t remember.
I drove through town and had to put on my sunglasses. Even though the sun wasn’t bright, it was hurting my eyes. That was how long I’d cooped myself up in that dingy old apartment. The sun, even on half blast, was killing my eyes. I drove through my favorite coffee place and got myself a strong cup, then floored it over to the salon. I couldn’t wait to swing my arms around my best friend and congratulate her on this massive step in her life.
All of a sudden, I wanted to go building shopping with her.
“Girl, I hope you didn’t bring me any,” she said. “Shaky hands and sharp scissors don’t mix.”
“Nope, just me,” I said, grinning.
“Good,” Gwen said. “I went to our favorite place and got you a massive salad. And some soup. With some bread. And some cake.”
“That’s some serious food.”
“It’s a serious celebration,” she said. “And you look like shit. Have you seen yourself in a mirror?”
“The one in my apartment’s broken,” I said.
“Of course, it is. Just like everything else in that damn place. Come on back. We’ll talk.”
I sipped my coffee and followed her into the back room. It was a lot dimmer than outside or the main room of the salon and I was finally able to take my sunglasses off. I sighed with relief while my eyes adjusted back to their preferred state. Then, I tossed my sunglasses onto the table and threw my arms around my best friend.
“I’m so proud of you,” I said.
She hugged me close and I could feel her smiling into my shoulder.
“Me, too. I honestly didn’t think I’d get there. Life threw me so many curveballs this year that I wasn’t sure if I was gonna make it.”
She was right. Life had dealt her a shitty hand this past year. The engine of her car broken down and she had to get another one. Her washing machine blew up. The plumbing in her home went haywire and stuff had to be repiped. She was dipping into her cushion account more than she wanted and she was so scared she’d have to start dipping into her “future business” account for anything else. I’d offered to give her money from my own savings a few times, but not surprisingly she’d turn it down. She wanted to hike the mountain on her own and I was damn proud of her for making it happen.
“But you did it,” I said. “That’s the important thing here.”
We sat down and began to eat but I could feel her eyes on me. I knew I looked tired but did I really look that bad?
“Yes, you do,” Gwen said.
“Do what?” I asked.
“Look that bad. Here.”
She pulled out her purse and dug around in it for a while. Eventually, she presented me with a compact mirror. I looked up at her and she raised her eyebrows, almost daring me to look at a person I didn’t want to acknowledge. I sighed and took it from her before I popped it open, thinking it really wouldn’t be as bad as she thought it was.
But even I was startled by the person staring back at me.
The bags underneath my eyes were heavy, despite the massive amount of time I spent sleeping. I still had imprints on my face from where my blanket smushed into my skin. My cheeks were puffy from all the salty snacks I was eating while my cheekbones protruded a bit with the fact that I wasn’t getting enough calories. My hair was frazzled, there were wisps in my face, and, suddenly, I didn’t recognize the person staring back at me.
Who the hell was this haggard woman?
“Now, I know you came to talk about when I’m going to start shopping around for my new business location but, if we’re gonna talk about that, then we have to talk about you,” Gwen said.
“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad,” I said.
“Don’t you ‘lawyer’ me. This has gone on long enough. You’ve been out of work for a month and the Whitney I know would’ve already had another plan in place. What’s happening? What’s going on?”
“Here’s the deal,” I said. “I’ll talk about me but we talk about you first. I don’t want my shit overshadowing this incredible thing you’ve just done.”
I took a bite of my salad while Gwen held my stare.
“You drive a hard bargain but I accept,” she said, grinning. “And to answer your first question, I’m going to start looking next week.”
“I hate it when you do that.”
“Do what?” she asked. “Know all the things you’re thinking all at once? I’m your best friend. It’s one of my superpowers.”
“Got it,” I said. “So, can I help you look for places?”
“No.”
“Why not?” I asked. “Come on. It’ll be fun! I’ll treat us to lunches and everything.”
“Most of my shopping is gonna be online until I can narrow it down. Then, I’ll be contacting a realtor. And you? You’ll be in Gatlinburg.”
“Uh, why the hell would I be in Gatlinburg?” I asked.
“Because I know you and I know you enjoy the mountains more than the beach. You like the beach when no one is there but you like the mountains no matter what. There’s a cabin resort in Gatlinburg that caters to people who just need to get away. That’s where I went after my breakup with Tommy last summer.”
“You did come back a new woman. I never heard you talk about Tommy after that fiasco.”
“Best fucking decision I ever made. I treated myself to some sleep, a hot tub, and a massage, then came back to tell his sorry ass that it was over for good and never to call me again.”
“Get it, girl.”
“And that’s what you need,” she said. “A place to go think. That idiotic apartment that you live in? That place isn’t a place to think. It’s a prison and it’s kept you there long enough.”
“I can’t argue that point with you.”
“I think you should get rid of it altogether, honestly. Get it off your plate before you go to the mountains.”
“First, I haven’t agreed to the mountains and, second, where the hell would I come back to?” I asked.
“Girl, you know you can always stay with me.”
“We did enough of that shit in high school,” I said.
“And we’ll do more of that shit now,” she said. “Look, Whit. I love you. You’re not my best friend. You’re my fucking sister. We’ve literally been through all the shit together. Trust me that I know what’s good for you. Pay whatever you need to get out of that lease, pack your shit up, and come stay with me for a bit. Please?”
“Am I staying with you or going to the mountains?” I asked.
“Don’t get smart with me. First you do one, then you do the other. And, finally, you figure out just what you are going to be when you grow up.”
I watched as Gwen’s hand reached out to take mine and I could feel tears rising in my eyes.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said.
“What have you always wanted to do?” she asked.
“Be a lawyer,” I said.
“Then find somewhere else to be a lawyer. Open up your own damn practice, for all I care.”
“It’s just not that simple,” I said.
“No, it’s not. I can tell you that firsthand. I can also tell you that it’s the most exciting thing I’ve ever done with my damn life. And it’ll be that way for you, too, once you find out what you want.”
“But how do I find out what I want?” I asked.
“Go to the resort,” she said. “Get yourself a cabin. For a few days or a week. Hell, go and stay through the holidays. Pack up your shit, toss that apartment, blow off Memphis for a while, and go do something you want to go do.”
“And I want to go to the mountains?” I asked.
“Girl, I don’t fucking know. All I know is you love the mountains and you love watching sunsets with coffee in your hand.”