I turned around, caught his glare, and I felt powerful. In control. Alive. I watched my boss waver for a split second before he turned around and stormed away. I sat down in my office chair and looked around, eyeing the few things I’d decorated it with. I didn’t have books or anything that needed to come with me. Hell, I could probably fit everything in the massive purse I lugged around with me. But even though this job caused me more heartache and pain than I could’ve ever imagined, I’d called it home for two years. I spent more hours here than I did at my own apartment, and now, I didn’t have anything to occupy my time.
I had no plans, and that was when my fear began to set in. What the hell had I just done?
I packed up my laptop and the rest of my things before I turned off the light in my office. People were poking their heads out and watching me all the way to the elevator. I smiled and nodded before I headed down to HR. I wanted to make sure I talked with them face-to-face and got paperwork signed before my boss could get to it because now, I was going to need all the money I could muster. I still had an entire paycheck coming in a couple of days, and I could automatically invest my severance package, so that was a start. I signed all the paperwork and made copies for myself, then stayed and watched the HR clerk file them electronically before I left.
I walked out of the office with my overloaded purse, my cobbler, and my tea, and for the first time in my life, I had no idea where to go. I spent so little time at my apartment, that it was practically like a hotel room. My fridge had nothing more than creamer for coffee and bottles of water. Gwen was right. I was cheap because of the way I was raised by my father, and I was scared of spending money because of the turn my life took in high school.
When I was fifteen, my father lost his job. We weren’t wealthy by any means, but with state assistance, we got by. My mother worked whatever jobs she could until her back gave out, and she had to quit. My escape from my world was always going over to Gwen’s. Her parents had wonderful jobs, and food overflowing their fridge at any given moment. I was mesmerized by the way they lived. I’d always looked forward to sleepovers, when I would eat until I couldn’t see straight. Then her parents would always give me plates of food to take back to my parents.
However, when my father lost his job and couldn’t find work, we were evicted and living on the streets.
My father always taught me how to rub two quarters together to get a dollar, but those couple of weeks on the streets until Gwen’s family found out and took us in had done their damage. My mother had begged for money on the corner while my father applied for any and every job he could find. It wasn’t until I broke down to Gwen one day in the library that she finally knew what was going on.
Gwen’s family took us in for a time, but I knew they couldn’t keep us in their home forever.
I couldn’t blame them. One family taking in another family skyrocketed bills and grocery runs. Even with trying to ration my food, I knew the toll we were taking on the Maxwell household. My father used their computer to apply for jobs all around the country, and after two months of straining an entire household, he found a job.
A factory job in the middle of South Dakota.
Gwen’s family offered to keep me with them so I could stay in school and graduate in my hometown, and at first, my parents were against it. We fought, and we yelled. We screamed, and we cried. I called them every single name under the sun, and they continuously called me selfish. The stress and the pain and the fear that I’d kept shoved down boiled over the top, and it drove such a rift between my parents and me that we couldn’t even stand to be around one another.
Eventually, however, they caved to the notion and left me with Gwen.
What I didn’t realize was that I’d barely hear from them again.
To this day, we barely spoke. They barely called after they got to South Dakota, but I was so scarred by the upheaval that I didn’t reach out much. I didn’t care that I didn’t hear from them, except on certain occasions like birthdays. I didn’t care that they didn’t want me. Maybe they were ashamed that they couldn’t give me the life Gwen’s parents could, so they were doing what they thought was best for me.
But as I stood on the edge of the corner outside of the place I used to call work, I sipped my tea and held back my tears.
I felt like that lost little girl again, sleeping on the street, and I didn’t know where in the hell I could go from there.
CHAPTER 3
LIAM
I could taste the sweat on my brow. I could feel the blood trickling down my arms. I could hear the screams of the innocent while the chains from my bondage wrapped around my wrists. They bound me to a floor that simply kept sinking, sinking into the effortlessness of giving up. I screamed and shouted. I saw Paxton’s face while he sat at his shoddy desk. I heard the cries of those gurgling on their own blood and, as the floor kept eating me whole, I felt it all wash over me.
Pain. Guilt. Anguish. Anger.
I shot up from my bed, leaving behind a pool of sweat while my brow continued to drip. Throwing the covers off my body, I swung my legs around the bed. The bed in the cabin. In Gatlinburg.
I’m in Gatlinburg. I’m in Gatlinburg.
That had become my mantra over the past month. The nightmares and terrors that seemed to follow me all the way from the Navy had found me in my self-inflicted deep, dark hole. I dragged myself to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I needed to get this sweat off my body. I needed to change my sheets.
I needed to have another reel to play in my head.
I got to the sink and opened up the tap, splashing water on my face with my shaking hands. I couldn’t breathe. I placed my lips underneath the faucet, avoiding the one thing I knew was waiting for me when I picked up my face. I guzzled down the crystal-clear well water, trying my best to wash away the metallic taste of blood. So many innocent lives spared to save the wretched and all of it fell onto my back.
All of it was my responsibility.
I drank until I sputtered and then I drank down some more. I drank until I knew my stores had been replenished. I felt the water running through my beard. The beard the Navy would never have allowed me to have. I didn’t want to look at myself. I couldn’t stand the sight of the traitor I felt I had become.
But when I lifted my head up to dry myself off, there I was. Right there in the mirror.
I studied the sunken-in look of my eyes and how pallid my skin had become. I took in the thickness of my beard and how I could no longer see my face underneath. My lips were barely there and my eyes were bloodshot. The water was trickling down my lackluster skin and, even though I recognized the eyes staring back at me, I still felt like a stranger.
A stranger in a cabin in the middle of the damn mountains. Who was this man?
I couldn’t roll back into bed. Not after the things my mind had conjured up. I could smell the sweat that permeated my bed all the way from the bathroom, so I went out and ripped the sheets off. I threw them into the washing machine before gathering up my dirty flannel, chuckling at the memory of that conversation I’d had with Paxton.
It seemed the mountains had finally inducted me into their family.
By the time I started the washing machine, the birds were chirping outside. Despite winter setting in, there were still a few birds who chose to hang on until the very last minute. I had to check the storage shed and make sure I had enough dry wood chopped up for the next few weeks of winter. Then, I needed to run into town to stock up on some supplies.
I needed gas for the generator in case the power went out, matches to make sure I could always keep a fire going, canned foods and meats I could deep freeze and vegetables I could vacuum seal to get me through until spring if I got stuck up here in heavy snows. The city of Gatlinburg didn’t snowplow the roads all the way back here. There just weren’t enough people for them to justify the expense.
But that didn’t matter to me. I was completely fine with being snowed-in.
I went out to the storage shed and opened the door. I’d have to chop up a little more wood to get me through the cold months but, other than that, I was all right. It wasn’t urgent like the need for food and gasoline was, so I hopped into my truck and ran on into town. It took me a good forty minutes to get to the store I knew would have everything I needed.