“Please, God, just let everything be okay,” I prayed. “Don't let me crash or hit anybody, either, please.”
I wasn't even sure what “okay” was at that point, to be honest. Part of me wanted to have a baby. Ever since I lost mine, it's been almost an obsession with me. Having a child was never far from my thoughts. But, I was smart enough to realize that my situation was horrible and it was the last thing I needed. It was the last thing a child needed. Before I even thought about having a baby again, I needed to pull myself together and get my life back on track.
In the more immediate sense, I also knew I didn't want to run into Paul, or for Chase to see that his truck was missing. That would be a start. A big start.
Though I'd sped up a bit, I was still driving so slowly, it seemed to take forever to get into town. As soon as I rounded a bend and saw the town come into sight, though, I let out a long breath of relief. I parked outside the pharmacy – accidentally taking up two spots instead of just one. And I wasn't feeling confident enough to try and wiggle the truck into one spot.
No biggie though. I was going to be quick. In and out before anybody even noticed the extra spot I was taking. With my hand on the door handle, I noticed Chase's baseball hat sitting in the passenger seat. Scooping it up, I slipped the hat over my head to give me a little cover, hoping it might offer me some sort of disguise. I climbed out of the truck and hustled inside, keeping my head down.
Once inside the store, I headed straight for the aisle that had what I needed. Feminine products. I glanced down at the different kinds of tests, somewhat surprised to see so many, and debated with myself about which one I should get. Finally, frustrated and not coming up with the magic answer, I grabbed a few different brands, just to be safe, and rushed to the front register.
“Lovely day today, isn't it?” the older woman at the check-out said as I placed the tests on the counter.
“It sure is,” I mumbled, not bothering to look up.
I kept my head down, not making eye contact with anyone, although I was keeping an eye on my surroundings in my peripheral vision.”
“Are you new in town, miss?” the checker asked. “Or just passing through?”
“Passing through,” I lied.
She rang up the first pregnancy test, then the second. I glanced up at her and saw the smile on her face. By the time she rang up the third test kit, she was giggling. I looked at her, viciously biting back the snarky comment on the tip of my tongue. The last thing I wanted to be was memorable and the last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to myself. I just wanted to get my tests and get out of there.
“Sorry,” she said, obviously seeing the look of dismay on my face. “It's just, I remember when I was trying to have kids. Long time ago now, I tell you. It was such a nerve-wracking experience and I didn't know which one to get either. Trying to figure out which test was the best was probably one of the most stressful experiences of the whole ordeal. Better to get them all, am I right?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I said.
I bit my fingernail and tried to hide the color that was blooming in my cheeks. The woman had a friendly smile and I felt bad for being so rude to her. Ordinarily, I would have sat and chatted with her for a while. But, I was feeling each grain of sand slipping through the hourglass keenly, reminding me that time was absolutely of the essence. I just needed to pay for my things and get out of here, not make small talk. She put the items in a bag and I paid with cash – just in case. I'd learned my lesson about using cards.
The woman – her name badge said Cathy – handed me my change. I gave her a grateful little smile as I dropped the money back into my bag.
“Hopefully you and your husband get the news you want,” she said.
Husband. I gulped back the lump growing in my throat and feigned a smile.
“Thank you,” I muttered, not bothering to correct her.
It wouldn't do any good anyway and was a conversation I really couldn't afford to get into. I grabbed the bag and hurried back out to the truck. I got inside as quickly as possible, tossed the bag on the passenger seat, and breathed a sigh of relief. I started the truck and headed back toward Chase's place. I felt better already. I'd get back there, park the truck, and he'd never have to know.
At least that's what I told myself.
The truck drove a little easier on the way back, mainly because I was used to it. I might have even sped a little, trying to get back before Chase got off his tractor and noticed the truck was missing. As I pulled into the driveway, I noticed that the tractor was parked and Chase wasn't in the field, as far as I could tell. My heart sank and I felt the knots in my stomach constricting as I scanned the landscape, searching for any sign of him. Shit. Had he come in while I was gone?
Parking the truck, I waited a moment to see if Chase came running out, hoping he was still out in the field somewhere but feeling that hope fading with each passing second.
Of course, with my luck being what it was, he had come in from the field while I was out. The front door of his house swung open, crashing against the wall, and he came marching toward me. His feet hit the pavement hard and with an audible, angry thump I could hear from inside the truck. His face was twisted with a dark look of anger, and I knew I was in trouble.
I grabbed the bag and held it tightly as I opened the door and slipped out of the truck, preparing myself for the onslaught of questions and anger that were on their way. With my head down, I walked around the hood of the truck and we met just on the passenger side. He stood between me and his house. All I needed was to slip by him and toss the bag into my room.
But, it wasn't meant to be. He held his ground, glowering at me.
“Abby, what the hell?”
“I'm sorry, Chase,” I said. “I just had to get something from the store, and – ”
“And what? You couldn't have told me so I could have taken you?” he asked, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. “You're here because I'm trying to keep you safe. But, you steal my truck and go into town on your own anyway?”
My hands began to tremble. I knew he was right and I knew his anger was justified. I didn't have an excuse for what I did. At least, not one I was willing to share.
“I'm sorry, Chase,” I said. “I just needed to get something for myself. It's – personal.”
“What's so damn important that you risked your life for it, huh?” he asked.
His arms were crossed in front of his chest and he stared down at me. There was so much heat in his eyes, and it wasn't a good heat this time. It wasn't lust or desire – it was anger. He was genuinely upset with me. Not that I could really blame him. But, it still hurt to see that anger in his face directed at me. My eyes welled with tears and my hands shook even more.
“I can't explain it right now,” I sobbed. “It's personal. Chase, please just trust me. I just – I needed to do this one thing on my own.”
His face softened as the tears rolled down my cheeks. The hardened lines on his forehead disappeared the moment I started crying, and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“I'm just worried about you, Abby,” he said, his voice soft and full of concern. “I can't lose you. Not after I vowed to keep you safe. I just can't. I've lost too much already.”
He pulled me into him, holding me close, his body pressed tight to mine. Chase's beard scratched my face as I nuzzled into his neck, but it felt good. Reassuring. I closed my eyes and relaxed against his body, just reveling in the closeness I felt to this man. I forgot about everything, including the bag in my hands. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, the bag slipped out of my grasp and I jumped back, stumbling and flailing around as I tried to catch it.