“You're mine, Abby,” he shouted through his open car window as he screeched out of the parking lot. “We're going to be a family again, just wait and see. You belong to me!”
A family. Not that we had ever been a family. He'd made sure of that. Not intentionally so, but he's the reason I'd lost our baby. His temper knew no bounds, and once he got drunk, he lost all control. My hand fell to my stomach as the bitter, painful memories washed through me. I'd been four months along, and my child was all I cared for. All I lived for. I was hiding it from him and trying to leave for the sake of my unborn baby, but Paul found out and it was over.
For me and for our child.
Tears welled in my eyes and I shuddered with the memory of my grief. Nobody knew I was ever pregnant besides Paul. No one knew my desire to have a family like my own. I wanted nothing more than to be a mother, and after losing my baby, I knew I could never have that with Paul again. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to have it with anyone again, to be honest.
But, there I was, and my period was late.
Chase was out on the tractor, at peace. We still weren't officially dating. We had no real label for what we were. We were simply enjoying each other. We'd been sharing a bed for a while now, the guest room went unused since the first night I'd stayed at his place. Even that night though, he'd slept in that bed with me. In the time I'd been with him, we hadn't been apart. It was still new, of course, and there were still so many questions left unanswered for the both of us.
But, there I was, fearing I'd messed up. Fearing that I'd just changed the course of not just my life, but Chase's as well.
With everything going on, and all the craziness the past few months, birth control hadn't been at the top of my priority list. I was on the pill, but with all the stress, I hadn't been the best at remembering to take it. I'd missed a few days.
This was my fault; I knew it.
If I were pregnant, there was no doubt I'd keep the baby. If I were pregnant, it would be not just a miracle, but a little piece of me, and I couldn't imagine getting rid of it. I wasn't sure Chase felt the same way, though. We'd never talked about children and, truth be told, I had no idea how he felt about having kids of his own. All I knew was that he'd been so adamant about not rushing into anything, believing that he'd be alone for the rest of his life. Believing that he was no good for anybody, and was damaged beyond all repair.
Yeah, knowing that, he didn't exactly strike me as a family man.
If it turned out that I was pregnant, I knew that I just might have to leave again. Not knowing how Chase would react to a positive test, I tried to prepare myself for the possibility that I'd have to go back out on my own, even though the police had not located Paul.
Leaving would be a risk for both me and the child, but I might not have any other choice. God, why couldn't things ever be easy for me?
Maybe I wasn't pregnant, I thought. Maybe my period was late because of all the stress I've been under lately. All the stress I've been under for a while now. It's happened before. I bit my lower lip as I continued watching Chase, indecision paralyzing me.
I needed to find out whether I was pregnant for sure. But, with Chase rarely letting me out of his sight, how was I supposed to do that?
As I racked my brain, trying to figure out what I was going to do, my gaze fell on Chase's truck. I chewed on my bottom lip, considering my options – and realized I didn't have many. If I wanted answers, I was going to have to take matters into my own hands.
I didn't drive often, but I did know how to drive. I knew I wasn't supposed to be in town alone – Chase had been very clear about that – but it would be a quick trip. I could run into town and get in and out of the drugstore before anybody knew I was there. One simple purchase. Paul hadn't been seen or heard from in weeks; it should be fine.
I looked back out at the fields, watching Chase on his tractor in the distance. There was no way he would let me go to town alone. No way. There was also no way I could pick up a pregnancy test with him watching my every move. I wasn't ready to have that conversation with him. I feared it could unhinge us before we even got comfortable. It could be the reason he pushed me away.
If I were pregnant, that was one thing. If I wasn't and this was all just a scare, I didn't want to sound the alarm for nothing. I didn't want to lose him. Though I was trying hard not to, I was already developing feelings for this man, and while it was too early to tell, it seemed like he was falling for me too.
Something between us just clicked. Something felt right. When we were together, it was like everybody and everything in the world around us just melted away. We fit together like hand and glove and there was a chemistry developing between us that was undeniable. It was deep and it was profound.
But, it was also still new. Still fragile. The slightest wind could blow this whole house of cards down. Which was why, until I was sure, I couldn't afford to say anything to him about it.
Chase kept his keys on a table by the door. I stepped inside and wrapped my hands around them, holding them tight to keep them from jangling. He was way out in the fields and wouldn't hear them, but I was being paranoid. I took a deep breath as I picked them up. This was it. I was going to do it. He'd be out on the field for a while longer, doing whatever it was he did out there. I could sneak into town, get what I needed and be back before he even knew I was missing.
I just hoped he didn't look up at the wrong time and see his truck driving off. But, the stakes were too high and I was willing to risk it. I felt bad sneaking around like I was, and I felt worse for borrowing his truck without permission. But, I couldn't think of another way to do it. Not without giving away my secret and causing more stress and drama for him. Stress and drama that could possibly push him away for good. For all I knew, it could be nothing and I was just being super paranoid.
Keys in hand, I rushed out to his truck and climbed into the driver's seat. Given that I didn't really drive all that often, it felt weird being behind the wheel – even weirder behind the wheel of such a monstrous vehicle. I put the key in the ignition and it started right up. I checked the mirrors, positioned them just right, hoping I didn't miss any blind spots. It was then though, I noticed the gun rack behind me, Chase's rifle was in place. Good thing to know if I did run into trouble. At least I had the comfort of knowing I had some sort of protection.
My hands trembled and my heart thundered in my chest as I put the truck into reverse. The beast of a truck backed up harder than I'd expected, jolting me a bit. It had been so long since I'd driven anything, and I'd never been behind the wheel of a vehicle that big before, that I began to panic and have second thoughts about this little adventure. But, after a few deep, calming breaths, I got myself collected enough that I managed to get control of the monster. By the time I got turned around and moving in a forward direction, I found that it wasn't so bad. I felt in control of it, so I hit the road – though I drove as slowly as I could toward town.
I was going well below the speed limit, but at least I was staying in control of the vehicle. The road was bumpy and filled with gaping potholes. And because I was moving so slowly – and being so short, I didn't have the best view of the road ahead of me – it felt like I managed to hit every single one of them. After a few minutes of bouncing around through the potholes, nearly hitting my head on the roof of the cab as some of the bigger ones tossed me upward like I weighed nothing, I got used to the size of the truck and the way it handled. I found a way to sit so that I could see the road better. Feeling a little more confident, I sped up just a little. I didn't want Chase to discover his truck missing, so I did need to hurry and get back.