“What about him?” Janie asked, leaning across the table.
Our food arrived so I didn’t get a chance to answer. We ate and chatted about nothing important while my mind stayed focused on Sean. I wondered what he was doing, if the kids were fighting, or if they were giving him some peace and quiet so he could write. I knew they weren’t. They never did unless I distracted them. Still, I imagined he was having fun playing with them. It was rare that he got them all to himself anymore.
“You’re still thinking about him,” Janie said wisely. “Aren’t you?”
“I can’t help it,” I said with a sigh. “He’s amazing, Janie. I can’t even begin to tell you how wonderful he’s been lately. I mean, just today, he insisted I take the day off because I work too hard. He told the kids not to wake me up this morning because he wanted to let me sleep in. He even tried to cook me breakfast, which was terrible, because he can’t cook, but still, how sweet is that? I mean, he’s just so caring and considerate. I’ve never known anyone who was like that.”
“Sounds like a dream come true,” Janie said. “But he is right. You do need a day off every once in a while. Watching those kids is your job, not your life.”
“I know,” I said. “But I love it. I really do. Tommy is reading so well now. He’s sped through the last two books I bought him, and he’s halfway through the third. He’ll be way ahead of the other kids when school starts back up. And Sarah, she’s a little nervous to start kindergarten, but I know she’s ready. She’s so smart and spunky, Janie. God, you would love her. Sometimes her little attitude reminds me of you.”
“How?” Janie laughed. “I have the attitude of a five-year-old?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “She has the attitude of a someone five times her age. She’s strong and brilliant, and she knows exactly what she wants. She picks fights with Tommy when she’s bored because she just can’t sit still. It’s all because she’s so smart that she doesn’t know what to do with herself. They’re both such amazing kids, Janie.”
“So, what about your goal to focus on opening your own daycare? What’s happening with that?”
“That hasn’t changed. It’s still in my plan. I just don’t have any idea how I’ll make it work, and for not I’ve got to get myself out of all the school debt.”
“Well I’m happy to see you so cheerful. I’ve never seen you like this about a job,” Janie said.
“Because it’s not just a job,” I said. “And it’s not just the kids. Sean makes it all worth it, too, you know? He’s the best dad I know. I mean, after his wife died, he just took over everything for them. He takes care of them so well. Even when he was dark and moody toward everyone, he was never distant with them. They’re his entire world. It’s amazing.”
“Are you guys still sleeping together?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said. “But it’s not just that, Janie. I swear. He’s so nice, and I really like him. I mean, the sex is unbelievable. There’s never a night when I don’t go to bed completely satisfied, but I’m just as excited to see him in the morning, you know? It’s like I can’t get enough of being around him or the kids.”
“Sounds like you’re in love,” Janie said with a knowing smile.
“What?” I scoffed. “No. We don’t even know each other that well yet. I’m not in love with him. Not yet anyway.”
“You are,” Janie said with confidence. “I can see it.”
I just shook my head and took another bite of my food. Janie’s confidence meant nothing because I knew myself better. There was no way I was in love with Sean Evans after just a few weeks of knowing him. Him and his kids barely moved to town. Sean and I just started sleeping together. I liked him a lot, but this wasn’t love. Not yet. It couldn’t be, could it?
After we finished our lunch, Janie and I said goodbye and parted ways. I took my time getting home, still playing my conversation with Janie over in my head. She seemed so sure that I loved Sean. The way she looked at me was full of certainty and confidence, but I didn’t want to believe her. Sean and I were just getting to know each other. There wasn’t any reason to rush things between us, and it was especially too early to be throwing around the word love.
Still, as I walked through the door and my eyes fell on Sean’s face, my heart skipped a beat. The kids ran up to hug me and ask if we could all play a game. I said yes, but I felt distant the whole time. I could barely raise my eyes to meet Sean’s gaze, and when I did, I didn’t hold it for longer than a second.
I went to bed that night, still thinking about Janie’s words, and terrified of my own feelings. What if she was right? What if, already, I was falling in love with Sean Evans? How would I deal if I found out that Sean didn’t share the same feelings for me?
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE - SEAN
Emily was quiet during dinner on Sunday night. I tried to her pull into the conversation, but she only nodded, forcing a fake smile on her face. Tommy and Sarah were oblivious to the change in her attitude, but I couldn’t see anything but her unusual mood.
Everything she said was flat and devoid of emotion. When her eyes met mine, they were darker than I’d ever seen them. Since the day she moved in, Emily had been nothing but happy and joyous. It wasn’t like her to be cloaked in sadness.
After dinner, I did the dishes, still determined to give her an entire day off. She barely protested, quietly thanking me and heading up to bed before the kids even brushed their teeth. She hugged Tommy and Sarah good night, kissing each of them and promising to see them in the morning. Without so much as a glance in my direction, she mounted the stairs and disappeared to the second floor. I was worried, but I couldn’t go after her until the kids were asleep.
I rushed through their bedtime, helping them each bathe quickly and brush their teeth. I tucked them in even faster and then hurried down the hall, knocking softly on Emily’s door. Listening carefully, I could her stir inside the room, but no footsteps came toward me. Instead, she fell silent, and I was left standing outside, waiting.
I knocked again, my worry getting worse by the second. When she didn’t answer, I knew it was time to give up. If she wanted to talk to me, she would. I couldn’t force her without becoming someone I didn’t want to be.
Still, my face was turned down in a frown the rest of the night. Falling asleep alone felt strange. I’d grown used to Emily’s warm body pressing against mine in the night. We’d only been sleeping together for a short time, but already, I was so attached that I couldn’t get comfortable without her.
I told myself I was being ridiculous. One night apart wasn’t the end of the world. I gave Emily the day to herself, and that was what she was doing. Part of me was glad. She deserved to have a break from her duties, but I’d never imagined myself as one of those duties.
I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow. My heart was pounding with concern, and I wanted to march back upstairs and demand she tell me what was wrong. I didn’t. Instead, I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to force my body to sleep.
It didn’t work. I spent the entire night tossing and turning, just hoping Emily would be her old self again when the sun came up. When it finally rose outside my window and bright rays seeped through my curtains, I rolled over and admitted defeat. Sleep wasn’t for me tonight, and that was okay. I was already eager to wake up and see Emily.
After a quick shower, I got dressed and hurried into the kitchen. Emily was already there, standing over the stove, making french toast. I smiled and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and placing a soft kiss on her neck. She smiled back at me but pulled away, shrugging me off gently so she could cook. I frowned but decided to keep pushing forward.
“French toast this morning?” I asked. “You only make that on special occasions.”