Willow stepped forward, her expression tender. “You’ve probably already figured it out, but just in case you were wondering, all of us…”
She gestured around the room with her free hand. “We wanted to say it aloud so there would never be any doubt. We love you, Zee, and we love Liam. Nothing can change that. No one blames you. No one judges you. And we want you to know we will all be here for you, whatever you need. You are not alone.”
Relief crashed over me. Pulling me under and making it difficult to breathe. It splintered the last chains that had continued to condemn me, the ones that locked me in shame and regret and disgrace.
I reached out, holding on to the counter for support, just fucking trying to keep it together.
I looked to the floor for a few beats before I gathered myself enough to face them, voice gruff. “You can’t know what that means. The fact all of you are willing to stand there after what I did.”
I struggled for the words, for the right emotion when everything felt so fucking conflicted. “It’s hard…all of a sudden having him living with me. Not because I don’t want him, but because I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing.”
Lyrik rubbed his jaw. “There’s no shame in that, Zee.”
My pleading gaze bounced around at each of them. “I need you. I need your advice, and I need your support, because I don’t know how to do this alone.”
Edie released a breath. “Of course, Zee. That is what family is for.”
“And what about Alexis?” Shea’s question hit me from out of nowhere. Pointed. An arrow that staked me right in the goddamned heart.
“What about her?” Didn’t mean for it to come across so bitter. But I was pissed. I blinked as I realized it, that feeling that grappled to take hold. The anger over the situation. Anger at myself for always fucking it up.
Shea’s eyebrows disappeared behind her bangs. “What about her? We all know full well you would have died for her that day, Zee. And now you’re going to stand here and pretend she doesn’t mean something to you?”
“Of course she means something to me.” My head shook. “But I…I have Liam. He’s my responsibility. My first concern.”
“And Alexis didn’t want to take on that kind of responsibility?” Confusion spun through Willow’s question, like she already didn’t believe it when she asked it.
My heart thundered in its confines, throbbing and fighting against the boundaries that always seemed to rule my life. “Not that…I just…I need to focus on him. He’s been through so much and—”
“And you don’t love her, so you don’t want the distraction?” Shea prodded.
Love her.
All along, I’d refused to entertain the notion, pretending that feeling wasn’t there when it kept nudging and pricking at my consciousness.
“I didn’t say that,” I rasped out, feeling overwhelmed.
Shea straightened with the demand that flew from her mouth. “What did she say when you told her about him, Zee? Because what I’m hearing is you love her but you think you can’t be with her because of Liam.”
Shame and regret. I kept trying to break from their ties. But there they were, pressing up and taking hold. I hesitated.
“What did she say?” Shea insisted, somehow soft, but the demand hard enough to pull the admission from my tongue.
“She said she’d love him simply because he was mine.”
Tamar groaned toward the ceiling then looked at Shea. “Do you want me to smack him or do you want to do the honor?”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure Zee is already over there beating himself up. I really don’t think it’s necessary. Isn’t that right, Zee? Tell me you aren’t over there wishing she was here.”
A frustrated breath heaved from my lungs. “Of course I wish she was here.”
Shea’s brow twisted in emphasis. “And how is this any different from what you’ve been doing all along? Living for Liam doesn’t mean you don’t get to live for yourself, too.”
Baz edged forward. “You played for her, Zee. The piano, man. You and I both know that means something.”
Somehow, the guy just always got me, targeting in for an easy read. “You think we didn’t notice you stopped playin’ your music when you stepped into your brother’s place? She touched something inside you. That’s something you can’t ignore.”
His words gutted me. The girl was music. Harmony. And the second I’d cut her from my life, the songs had gone quiet. Ever since, I’d been taunted by the silence.
I looked up at him. “It meant everything. But God, the girl has to hate me. The way I handled it was…shitty. She was begging me to give her a chance and I refused to.”
Fuck. What did I do?
Ash cracked a grin. “Well, you kinda lost practice with the ladies. What else could she expect?”
“Better than that,” I mumbled.
“Then I guess we’d better show her better than that,” Shea said.
A smirk stretched across Tamar’s red lips. “I’m thinking I like this idea. Looks like we have some work to do.”
Chapter Fifty-Four
Alexis
I jumped when the doorbell rang. I shook off the flickers of fear that threatened to take residence in my spirit. It would be so easy to succumb to it, to the memories of the trauma of that day.
But I…
I wanted to live.
Every day. Every moment.
I didn’t want to be afraid.
Too much time was wasted on regret.
“Coming,” I called as I crossed the floor. I hoisted up onto my toes to peer out the peephole.
A shocked gasp blew from my lungs, and I stumbled back, blinking as I tried to process what anxiously waited for me on the other side. Wondering if I was hallucinating.
My heart rate kicked when it rang again.
Quickly, I worked through the lock, both eager and wary as I opened the door. “What’s going on?”
A hand came out to push against my door.
“Alexis, just the girl we wanted to see,” Shea said as she walked in as if she’d been there a million times. Kallie’s hand was wound in hers, the little girl bouncing in excitement as they stepped inside.
I stepped back. Confused and stunned and fighting the thrill that began to whip through my spirit.
Tamar strode in behind her, wearing a pair of super high red heels and the tightest black leather pants I’d ever seen. She shot me a playful wink as she passed, a garment bag slung over a shoulder and her baby girl hitched to her opposite hip.
“What…?” I couldn’t find the words to even finish the question.
Edie angled by carrying Sadie, her face almost full of an apology as she dipped her head, though she was wearing the hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth.
“Hi,” she whispered.
Willow touched my arm as she entered, sympathy in her expression and compassion in her eyes. “We’re sorry for just barging in…we wouldn’t do it under normal circumstances.”