I blew out a strained breath and turned my focus on Ash. Dude was big and burly, covered in tattoos, menacing if he wasn’t always sporting a grin. But right then he looked like he was about five seconds from losing it.
He swiped an agitated palm over his mouth. “You’ve got to make sure I’m here when the baby comes, man. Need to be here for at least a couple of weeks. Can’t leave Willow alone. I mean, fuck…if I missed it?” His expression was bleak. “Promise me, Anthony. Promise me you make sure that window happens.”
Anthony rocked forward, leaning on his desk. “God, of course, Ash. You think I’d ask anything more of you?”
He glanced around at everyone. “You know I hate even making you all decide. If I could make it simpler, I would. But it’s my job to look out for you as a band. It’s my job to present it to you when there’s an opportunity unlike any you’ve ever had. Now it’s on all of you to decide.”
I just sat there silent, letting everyone else take the lead the way I always did. Maybe it was the feeling I never quite belonged. Or maybe it was simply because I never felt I’d earned the right.
“Okay then, we’re decided?” Austin asked.
Lyrik nodded. “I’m in.”
Ash shook his arms out, like he was pumping himself up. “Okay.”
Anthony lifted his chin toward me and all eyes shifted my direction. “Zee?”
I figured it wasn’t even a question. “You know I’m game.”
I always was.
After the meeting, Anthony pulled me aside, his voice hushed. “Any news on what’s going on with Veronica?”
I expelled a frustrated huff. “She’s still maintaining she can do whatever she wants with that money. Isn’t telling me anything.” I shook my head. “Still can’t believe she’s back down in that shithole. That she’d take him there.”
Anthony eyed me where we had our heads bowed together, our conversation muted. “Are you really surprised? She’s been manipulating you from day one, Zee.”
Anger swelled. “You think I don’t know that? I didn’t have a whole lot of choices, though, did I?”
“Didn’t you?” he challenged.
Old rage, compiled for too many years, fisted my hands, the thought of it more than I could take. “You know what she would’ve done.”
“And that very well may have been another lie, too. You know nothing comes out of her mouth that you can trust.”
“Then what the fuck do I do?”
“You need to decide what it is you want, Zee. You have to keep going along with all her bullshit demands or stand up and demand a change.”
Anger and worry thrummed through my blood. “God…I hate the idea of confusing Liam. He loves his mom, Anthony, and up until I got back from Savannah this last time, I would have sworn she loved him more than anything else.”
Up until then, I hadn’t really given a shit how she’d treated me. Only thing that mattered was the way she treated him.
“Are you worried?”
I ducked my head, scratching my fingers through my short beard, before I eyed him straight. “Yeah…I’m fucking terrified. You know she’s always been a wild card. But in the end, I could always trust her to put him first. Care for him the way he deserves to be.”
Anthony shifted in agitation and doubt. “You think she’s slipped?”
Terror threatened to seize my heart. “Don’t even want to contemplate the thought.”
That was the one promise I’d made clear there would never be any breaking. She had to stay clean.
For good.
Compassion lowered his voice. “You might have to.”
Looking toward the ceiling, I blew out a breath. “I know, Anthony, I know. And now I’m looking at being gone for seven months?” Worry doubled at the thought. “I’ve left so many times before and was able to trust her. Not sure I can do that this time.”
“Just…lie low while you’re here. She’s probably only looking for something else to hold over your head. Don’t give the paps anything juicy to talk about. Smile for the camera. Sign some autographs. Your reputation is squeaky clean. Keep it that way and she won’t have anything to say.”
I rubbed a hand over my face. “Feel like I’ve been lying low my whole damned life. Been stuck in the same spot since I was twenty, pretending I’m someone I’m not. Don’t know how much more of it I can take. I’m going out of my mind, man. I need to know he’s safe.”
Grief pressed and vied for dominance, itching at my skin and nagging at my spirit. Could barely force out the declaration. “It’ll be seven years next month. I’m not sure I can keep going on like this.”
Understanding dawned on Anthony’s face. “I know, Zee, I know.”
Chapter Thirteen
Zee ~ Sixteen Years Old
Zachary shouldered into the packed house. Music blared, and his heart rate increased as he stepped into the dense fray. Bodies were crammed wall to wall, and voices shouted to be heard above the heavy bass pounding from the speakers.
Chest tight, Zee’s uneasy gaze roamed. That discomfort grew as his attention traveled over girls wearing next to nothing, red cups clutched in their hands and even redder lipstick smeared over their lips. Men hovered on the outskirts. Like predators on the hunt, ready to strike.
That apprehension only intensified when his sight landed on a guy who sat on the couch, leaning over the coffee table and cutting lines, two over-eager chicks salivating at his side.
A warning flared at the forefront of his mind. It was that spot inside that told him to just turn around and go. He wasn’t supposed to be there. This was so not his scene. At least not anymore.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t ever witnessed it before.
For years, he’d tagged along behind Mark, clinging to his coattails and praying one day he might get the chance to be even half as cool as his big brother. Growing up, Mark had been the greatest thing in his world.
That hadn’t changed.
But it’d finally come to the point where Zee had to make a choice. He’d known he couldn’t continue to hang with this crowd.
Sure.
Music was music.
But that didn’t mean they weren’t two entirely different worlds, and Zee couldn’t be a part of both of them and expect to reach his dreams and aspirations.
Everything came at a cost.
With a sacrifice.
But tonight that didn’t seem to matter. He pressed on, maneuvering through the crowd.
He’d promised.
And the truth was, Zee wanted to be there for him.
“Zee, there you are.”
Relief barreled through him when he saw his brother sitting at a high top table just off the kitchen. A cigarette hung from between his lips, and one hand was waving Zee over.
He rushed that direction.
Mark slung his arm around his shoulder and stubbed out his cigarette in an ashtray. “About time, asshole. Thought you weren’t gonna show.”
A smile pulled at Zee’s mouth. “Told you I’d be here.”
Mark squeezed him, jostling him at his side. “Then I really shouldn’t have had any doubts, should I?”