“Yeah, I suppose. I didn’t actually think of that.” She paused for a moment as I paced outside the entrance to the building. It didn’t matter if she’d passed the number on to me or not. The issue was that I wasn’t here when I should’ve been. “Is everything okay, Liam?”
“No, it’s not. Sarah’s in the hospital. My phone was dead, I don’t know her number off the top of my head, you passing it on to me this morning could’ve saved a lot of stress for both of us.”
“You’re seriously blaming me because you don’t have your wife’s number memorised?”
I took in a deep breath through my nose and wiggled my bottom jaw to loosen some of the tension. When I saw Archie appear through the doors, obviously looking for me, I stopped pacing and tried to calm down.
“No, Mel. I’m just asking that if my wife calls again, please make sure all messages are passed on to me.”
I hung up without giving her a chance to reply. Blaming someone else for my fuck-up didn’t make me feel in the least bit better, and I just knew I was gonna have to cop it sweet from Archie.
“You fucked up.” Good ol’ Arch, straight to the point.
“I did.”
“I find out you weren’t where you’re saying you were, you and me are gonna have a problem.” It was like listening to Luke. Even Archie’s posture was the same as his.
“I was face down, fully clothed, in a pile of whiskey puke from too much single malt after celebrating a new contract we just won. I was planning on flying straight back after the negotiations and didn’t take my phone charger with me.”
He gave a small nod.
“In the future, you make sure your phone’s charged and you have your charger. That girl was hysterical when she called us this morning. She was more worried that something had happened to you than what was going on with her.”
The jagged knife of guilt that had been sitting in my chest all morning twisted itself a little deeper, and my knuckles traced a path up and down my sternum in an attempt to ease the pain it caused.
I opened my mouth to speak at least three times while Archie and I stared at each other, but fatigue, stress, and fear all seemed to hit at once, and I felt as if I was gonna cry. The words just didn’t seem to come.
“Son, the fear, that panic you’ve experienced today, that’s just a little taste of what it’s like to be a father. You’ve now got something to worry about for the rest of your life, so you best get used to it.”
I nodded my head, still unable to speak.
“Let’s get back inside. Hopefully they’ve both finished crying by now.”
***
Mai and Archie insisted that they stay with Sarah while I went home, made sure the guest room was all set up for them, and took another quick shower before returning to the hospital for the night. I didn’t like it, but Archie “insisted”, so I went. When I got back, I found an extra bed had already been wheeled into Sarah’s room for me to sleep in. I didn’t know what they had to do to get the hospital agree to it, but I didn’t ask. I didn’t care. I would have slept on the floor.
While I’d been gone, the drips that Sarah had been hooked to earlier were taken out of the back of hand, and she no longer had the blood pressure monitor wrapped around her arm. So, while I unloaded the takeaway I brought back with me, she took a quick shower. I stood outside the door almost the whole time, listening and making sure she was okay, only moving away when I heard the water turn off. She emerged a few minutes later in a pair of long Betty Boop pyjama pants and one of my old T-shirts, and I made sure that all the pillows were piled around her again as she settled herself under the sheets.
“You gonna attempt some of this, bub?”
My breath caught as I turned to look at her again. The blood, vitamins, and iron infusions she had earlier improved her complexion and, combined with the hot water from her shower and the warmth of the hospital room, she had a gorgeous rosy glow to her skin.
“C’mere.” She gestured with her head, and I abandoned the food and went to her. When I was close, she took my hand and pulled me so I was sitting on the edge of the bed, then, despite my weak protest, she straddled my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. The need to make sure our baby was okay was almost overwhelming, and I moved my hands over her nonexistent bump, letting my eyes drift closed as I rubbed my thumbs back and forth.
“Hey, bud,” I told the baby. “I fu . . . messed up big time today.” My eyes darted up to Sarah’s, and I mouthed “sorry” for my almost swear word in front of the baby. I’d promised to try to curb my swearing once he was born, but I wasn’t too confident about how that was gonna go. I carried on my conversation with my kid. “I won’t say I’m sorry again, because I think your mum is sick of hearing me say it, but I will promise that nothing like this will happen again. Now, you just settle down for a good night’s sleep and try your hardest not to make your mum feel sick in the morning. Love ya, bud.”
“I hope you’re not gonna keep calling her bud once she’s born.”
I pulled the T-shirt back over her belly before answering.
“She’s a he, so it won’t be a problem.”