“Hey, bub, sorry, I didn’t realise I was gonna have this long to talk, otherwise I would’ve just called in the first place.”
“That’s okay, it’s just good to hear your voice.”
“What you up to?”
“I’ve just finished my pole dancing class, so now I’m off to the strip club to put my moves into practice.”
I could hear him speaking to someone in the background.
“Sorry, gotta go, bub. I’ll be home as soon as I can. Love ya.”
The call cut off before I could reply.
“Love you, too,” I said anyway, reminding myself that I shouldn’t get upset.
My phone vibrated while it was still in my hand.
Aussie Husband: Don’t worry about takeaway. Mel just arrived with Chinese. X
Yeah. Of course she fucking did.
Good ol’ Mel!
I sat up and my head spun, making me feel sick. I wasn’t sure if it was the speed with which I moved or rage that caused it, so I stared into the fire for a few long moments and took a few deep breaths to calm myself. When I was sure I wasn’t going to throw up, I stood and made my way to the kitchen. Since I was eating alone . . . again, I made myself a milky hot chocolate and two slices of Nutella on toast. Then, I headed up to bed with the book about sparkling vampires everyone was raving about and fell asleep reading it sometime later.
I had a vague recollection of Liam pulling my back into his chest and the smell of alcohol invading my senses at some stage during the night, but I woke to an empty bed in the morning.
Feeling thoroughly pissed off, I decided to take the pregnancy test alone.
“Well fuck him, I’ll do it by myself.” I said aloud to my empty house as I sat up and attempted to swing my legs over the side of the bed. Just as my feet hit the floor, white light exploded across my vision and a blinding headache caused the room to spin. I squeezed my eyes closed and pressed my palms to my temples as my stomach rolled and my mouth started to water. A cold sweat broke out over my face and my whole body felt too hot.
I sat very still on the side of my bed for a few long moments and waited for things to settle. My headache receded to just a dull ache at the base of my skull, but I still felt nauseous. Opening my eyes very slowly, I stood, grabbed by phone, made my way over to my underwear drawer, and pulled out the home pregnancy test hidden there.
The instructions were easy enough: pee on the stick, slide on the cover, and set it down on the side of the sink. I followed them, then washed my hands and set the timer on my phone for two minutes. I forced myself to watch the seconds count down instead of spending the time staring at the plastic stick. As the timer hit the two-minute mark, I had a moment of panic. I shouldn’t have done this. I should’ve waited until Liam was here, this was big news, we should be—
My phone rang, and I actually let out a small squeak as I jumped at the sound. Sasha’s name was on the screen, but I knew I couldn’t talk to her. She would be all too aware that I was up to something. Plus, I was a terrible liar, or faker, whatever I would be doing if I were to pick up, so I sent the call to voice mail.
My insides felt as if they were twisting themselves into knots as I debated what I should do.
Tea!
I would have a cup of tea and then decide if I should look or if I should wait for my husband to be here before finding out the result.
I started to leave the bathroom but then stopped in my tracks.
“Am I allowed to drink tea if I’m pregnant?”
I had been alone so much lately that I had gotten into the habit of talking aloud to myself. I felt the now common stab of loneliness as the realisation hit me that I had no one to talk to, no one to ask about all of these questions. No mum.
I thought back to the speech I made at my wedding and the guilt hit me. What I said then was true. Growing up, I didn’t feel as if I were missing out, but with the possibility of motherhood looming, I wished mine were around. If I were totally honest, I also wished my dad were around, too. Did he ever wonder about us? Did he have any idea about the amazingly successful businessman my brother had become? Would he care?
Over the years, I had seen a few photos of him with my mum and with Luke. They were hard to look at because it hurt so much to think that he’d walked away and left me without looking back.
I let out a heavy sigh and made my way downstairs, wondering if he was even still alive. If he was, did he even know that my mum died?
My thoughts were cut short when I saw a note pinned to the fridge by a magnet, I walked straight over and took it down, reading it as I opened up my laptop that was sitting on the table.