“I will,” she promised.
They stared at each other in silence. She liked the shadow of a beard on his face. It made him look even more devilishly handsome.
Damn him. Couldn’t he look horrible, just once?
But she knew for a fact he always looked this good.
“There’s a bathroom behind you,” Ryder said as he pointed over her shoulder. “You should find everything you need there.”
She nodded. “My bag?”
“In the room as well.”
He started to leave, then hesitated. Ryder turned his head to her. “I doona want you to be scared of me, Kins. I’m the man you knew before. I’m just … something more as well.”
“But I didn’t know you before. You kept this from me.”
“It was our rule. We told no one. You’d still be ignorant of it if that Dark hadna attacked you.”
She licked her lips. “I told you everything about me. I held nothing back. You held everything.”
“I told you all that I could.”
“Which was very little. Was anything you told me the truth? What about your parents? Did they really live in the mountains?”
“What I told you about my family was the truth. I merely left out that they were dragons.”
That still didn’t make up for the other secrets he’d kept. And Kinsey didn’t even know why they were discussing it. There wasn’t going to be anything between them again. If all Ryder wanted was for her to say she wasn’t afraid, then she could do that.
“I’m not scared of you.”
Sadness flashed in his eyes before he turned away. “I’ll be in the computer room when you’re finished here.”
She watched him walk out, wondering why he was so upset. He’d asked for something, and she gave it. That should be enough. But she knew it wasn’t.
Kinsey dropped her arms and turned around. She found the bathroom and locked the door behind her. As she was turning the water on for a shower, it hit her that she really was in a bad situation.
At least she knew Ryder. How much more awful would it be if she didn’t know anyone? It was because of her affiliation with Ryder that she was even in this situation. That should infuriate her.
Instead, it just made her miserable.
It was another reminder that she was alone. The one man who had been her everything turned out to be something else completely.
She removed her clothes. Just before she stepped into the shower, she saw herself in the mirror and the tears that were falling down her cheeks.
It had been well over a year since she cried for what she’d had with Ryder. Being with him brought it all back, shoving it in her face as if it had just happened yesterday.
How in the world would she ever be able to get through it? She wasn’t that strong. When it came to Ryder she was as weak as a newborn kitten.
She stepped into the shower, putting her face to the water. The first thing she had to do was wipe away the tears as if they never existed.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Ryder stared at the computer screen without seeing it. Kinsey’s unexpected—and entirely too quick—assurance that she wasn’t frightened of him told him that she was still very much afraid.
He leaned forward, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. With a shift of his feet, he rolled his chair to the left and focused on a monitor that was running more extensive searches for Ulrik.
“You look like hell,” Dmitri said as he handed a mug of coffee to Ryder.
Ryder merely shrugged and gratefully accepted the drink. He hastily took a sip.
“Where is Kinsey?”
“Showering, I assume,” Ryder replied.
Dmitri sat in the chair Kinsey had used the day before. “Did you tell her where the kitchen was so she could eat?”
Ryder shoved back his chair and stalked from the room, furious that he’d forgotten something so important. He was so wrapped up in his feelings for Kinsey that he repeatedly forgot basic things that she needed—like food.
He made his way to his room and lifted his hand to knock. Then he hesitated. The only way for her to stop fearing him was by being with him more, and seeing that he was just the same as he once was.
Ryder rapped his knuckles on the door. A moment later it opened to reveal Kinsey. She wore a pair of black jeans and a V-neck burgundy sweater that hugged her breasts. She walked to the chair and sat to put on her boots.
“I’m here to bring you to the kitchen,” Ryder said. “I figured you might still be hungry.”
She zipped her shoes and stood. “I’m famished.”
“Follow me,” he said and turned on his heel.
They walked side by side to the stairs. Her hair was down and she wore no makeup, just as he liked it. Kinsey pushed up the sleeves of her sweater to her elbows and kept her face straight ahead, though he could see her gaze darting about at all the dragons decorating the manor.
“There’s always plenty of food in the kitchen,” Ryder said, hoping to make her feel welcome. “The mates make sure of it.”
“Mates?” Kinsey repeated.