His feelings for Kinsey, however, were completely out of his control. He couldn’t get a handle on them. Even now, years later, he felt as if he was just learning to walk again.
Kinsey was unpredictable and stubborn. She was wildly seductive without even trying. She twisted his insides until he wasn’t sure which way was up. All Ryder knew was that with her beside him, the future didn’t look so bleak.
“Kinsey,” he whispered and touched her hair.
He shouldn’t have dared even that, because now he couldn’t walk away. Ryder rubbed his jaw as he contemplated an idea. With as hard as Kinsey slept, she’d never know if he climbed into bed with her.
And he’d be gone long before she woke.
Dmitri walked in at that moment with a tray. There was a covered plate and a bottle of water. He set it on the table near the fireplace and straightened. Then Dmitri looked from Ryder to Kinsey before he turned on his heel and left the room without a word.
Ryder closed the door after him so no one else would disturb them. Then he returned to the bed and rolled Kinsey into his arms so he could lay her head on the pillow.
She sighed contentedly, making his balls tighten.
He should leave. It was the right thing to do. Kinsey was frightened of him, of who he was. She didn’t want him touching her or even being too close. It didn’t seem right to secretly sleep next to her.
Why then was he walking to the other side of the bed?
Ryder sat down on the mattress and kicked off his boots. He lay back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. This might be the closest he’d ever come to being in his bed with Kinsey.
That thought made his chest ache so badly he rubbed it with his hand. How could he have screwed this up so royally with Kinsey? If only she hadn’t seen him shift there might still be a chance between them.
To his surprise, Kinsey suddenly rolled over and snuggled against him. Ryder pulled her closer before he tugged the blankets over her.
He closed his eyes and put every detail to memory. The sound of her even breathing, the feel of her hand on his chest, the warmth of her body.
He wished he had gotten beneath the covers with her, but this was all he dared. Nothing was going to happen. No matter how much he might want it.
Kinsey was a kindhearted person. She didn’t hold a grudge long, but then again, he had left her. As well as not mentioning what he really was.
Yet there had been something profound and deep between them. Looking back, he thought she might have been falling in love with him.
If she cared for him once, she could again. It just depended on how far Ryder was willing to go for her.
Besides, Dmitri was right. She was worth fighting for.
Ryder tucked his free arm behind his head and smiled.
*
Kinsey woke famished. She rolled onto her back and rubbed her eyes. Her stomach was rumbling fiercely. She wondered if she could get to the kitchen without running into anyone when she turned her head and spotted the tray.
She jerked upright and yanked the covers off before jumping out of bed. Kinsey opened the bottle of water and downed half of it. Then she took the lid off the plate and gazed at the array of bread, crackers, and cheese. Without hesitation she began to eat.
After the entire plate was cleaned, she realized her boots were carefully placed beside the chair she was sitting on. Since she couldn’t remember taking them off, she wondered who did.
Was it Ryder?
A shiver raced over her as she imagined him touching her without her knowing it. If he was going to place his hands on her, she wanted to be awake so she could remember it.
She looked down at her white T-shirt. Where was her blazer? Kinsey rose and turned around, looking for it. She spied it on the back of the chair.
Someone had obviously undressed her that far. She might not toss them on the floor, but she certainly didn’t take that kind of care with her clothes.
Ryder.
She recalled how meticulous he could be with his things. He must have removed her blazer and boots. And she slept through it all.
Kinsey hurried back to the bed and looked to see if there was evidence that he’d stayed with her, but the other pillow had no indentation on it.
She should be thrilled about that. Why then was she disappointed?
You don’t want him, remember, she told herself. He’s bad for me.
Ryder made her forget everything but him. All she cared about was being with him, sharing her life with him. It had taken her forever to remember the person she had been before him, and she didn’t want to go down that path again.
A knock at the door startled her. She took a deep breath before she padded across the wood floor and the thick rug to the door. She cracked it open and stared into hazel eyes.
“Good morning,” Ryder said with a warm smile. “Did you sleep well?”
She stepped back to open the door wider and quickly smoothed down her hair. “Yeah. Oh, and good morning.”
“I see you found the tray. I apologize for no’ getting you food yesterday.”
Kinsey crossed her arms over her chest and put some distance between them. “I should’ve said something.”
“Next time, please do.”