He had witnessed her bravery in battle, and her skill with a sword. He’d watched, mesmerized, as she put herself in harm’s way just to help a friend.
It wasn’t surprising she was the only female in Fae history to join the Queen’s Guard. And she had been one of the very few who walked away from such an honor.
No wonder Death took an interest in Rhi.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Ryder stood and watched Kinsey. The minutes ticked by as she slept the sleep of the dead. She’d always had the ability to be able to sleep anywhere, anytime. And once asleep, she was hard to wake.
He briefly thought about taking off her boots, but her reaction when she found him carrying her kept him at the door.
When he lifted her in his arms in the computer room, it had felt as if he finally had what was missing from his life. He’d simply held her as she rested her head on his shoulder, savoring the moment.
It had felt like heaven. Ryder even contemplated lying next to her in bed. Then she had lifted her head and jumped out of his arms as if he were some monster.
Except to her, he was.
And that’s what hurt the most.
Ryder looked to the side when he felt someone approach. Dmitri said nothing as he peered inside the room. Ryder knew he should shut the door and back away, but he couldn’t make his feet move.
“If you want her, fight for her,” Dmitri said.
Ryder wished it were that simple. “She’s terrified of me.”
“She didna look too scared earlier when the two of you were talking.”
“That is until she remembers what I am.”
“Then show her she has nothing to be afraid of,” Dmitri said, as if the solution was so simple even an idiot could figure it out.
Ryder glanced at the ceiling in frustration. Then he said, “I left her.”
“That makes you a proper bastard then.”
Leave it to Dmitri to state it so succinctly. “Aye,” Ryder said. “It does.”
“The two of you had something special. Find it again.”
“She’s moved on with her life.”
Dmitri snorted loudly and glared at Ryder. “She doesna have a man. That tells me you still have a chance.”
Did he? Ryder wasn’t so sure. “You didna see the way she looked at me when I shifted. Or hear her scream.”
“Give her some slack. She was in a war zone, Ryder.”
“Just now she practically flew out of my arms when she woke to find me carrying her.”
At that, Dmitri twisted his lips. “You might have more work than I expected. But answer me this, do you want her?”
“Aye.”
“Do you love her?”
Ryder nodded. “Verra much so.”
“Is she worth fighting for?”
“In every way.”
Dmitri slapped him on the back. “Then that is what you need to do. Now. Get your ugly arse in there and remove her boots while I get some food for her.”
“Food?” Had Ryder forgotten to feed her?
Dmitri rolled his eyes. “I knew you’d forget. You become focused on those damn computers, and you ignore everything else.”
“No’ everything,” Ryder mumbled as Dmitri walked away.
Ryder slowly moved into his room. He hadn’t known where else to take Kinsey. As he walked around the four-poster bed stained so dark it was nearly black, he imagined crawling into his bed and having Kinsey curl up next to him like they used to sleep.
It was a fantasy of his from the first time they’d made love. Once he returned to Dreagan and took a look at his bed, it had been impossible to sleep there and not think of her. Which is why he hadn’t used his bed in three years.
One of her feet was hanging off the side of the bed. He tenderly grasped one leg and unzipped the boot before tugging it off. He repeated the process on her second foot before placing the boots beside the chair.
Next, he gently gave her a nudge at her side. Kinsey immediately rolled over, allowing him to tug down the comforter.
When he saw her blazer, he knew he had to remove it. Ryder grasped the hem at her wrist and pulled upward at the same time he got her to turn back onto her stomach. One arm fell out of the jacket.
It took some doing to get her other arm from beneath her so he could tug it free. Ryder then folded the blazer and laid it over the back of the chair.
He turned back to her and had the urge to sink his fingers into her wealth of dark hair. It was so silky smooth that he’d never tired of touching it.
It wasn’t just her hair he longed to touch. It was her. All of her. To have held her, and had her all to himself for a year had been the most amazing time.
If only he could reverse time and remain with her. If only he had known Ulrik broke the spell binding their feelings. If only he had returned to her after Hal and Cassie fell in love.
If only he’d had the courage to embrace the love he felt.
But love—the soul-deep, life-altering emotion—was new for him. It had terrified Ryder, especially since he was the one always in control.
Computers—or any electronics—were easy to manipulate and get to do what you wanted. Ryder was at ease around them. Mostly because they did whatever he wanted.