She was probably right. But what she’d said gave me a few things to think about. It made a change from worrying about whether or not I’d get kicked out of the U.S.
The show stumbled on with an audience of fewer than fifty people in a theater that held 500. There was nothing worse than dancing until your heart was ready to burst, and hearing only thin and scattered applause. But we kept smiling. We painted on our fucking smiles every night and danced until our feet bled.
I woke up on Christmas Eve with a strange feeling, ominous like a storm brewing, like someone had stolen my breath. My heart thumped wildly, but nothing seemed out of place and Laney was sleeping silently beside me.
I slipped out of bed as quietly as possible and headed to the bathroom. I stared in the mirror, wondering what life was going to throw at me next.
I’d tried to compartmentalize everything, trying to forget about what had happened in Vegas, about Sergei, even about my friends. Sometimes it worked, but sometimes I felt like I’d go crazy with all the fractured parts of me falling apart like broken glass.
The woman I’d left in bed had helped me in so many ways. I’d be grateful to her forever. She held me together and stopped me from shattering—I didn’t even know why.
I’d wanted to buy her a really great Christmas present, and I had thought about getting her an engagement ring to go with her wedding band, but that didn’t feel right and I wasn’t sure she’d want it.
Instead, I’d bought 100 of my favorite songs and secretly downloaded them to her phone. They all meant something to me—and I hoped they’d mean something to her.
I splashed cold water on my face but avoided looking in the mirror. It was easier that way.
Laney was still sleeping when I walked back into the bedroom. I stared down at her, a small frown on her face. She’d been limping for two days now and we both knew she had a flare-up coming, she just didn’t want to admit it. Or rather, she wouldn’t let it stop her from going on with her life.
She lived with restrictions and limitations; there were things she couldn’t do, shouldn’t try, would never do, but she had the biggest, most open heart of anyone I’d ever met. She was remarkable in so many ways, but she didn’t see that about herself.
She’d opened her home to me when she barely knew me. But she always trusted me and looked out for me when I knew that everyone was telling her to stay back, be wary.
In a world where it was easier to look the other way, she actually gave a shit about something other than herself.
She’d saved me, and I’d repaid her by turning my back on my friends and trying to carry on with my life. I’d done nothing for Yveta, or Marta, Galina, or Gary. And the girl—that nameless kid who haunted my dreams and was forgotten in daylight—I hadn’t saved her either. I could pretend all I liked, but the only person I’d saved was myself.
I was making coffee, when I heard someone knocking at the door. My first thought was that those fucking government goons were back with their snooping, spying questions.
That’s what I thought—but I was wrong. The Fates hated me. And this was much worse.
I pulled on a pair of jeans and yanked the door open.
A uniformed cop was standing in front of me.
“Mr. Novak, I’m Officer Jenkins.”
“Yeah, I remember you.”
The asshole had pushed me face down onto the hood of his squad car the night I’d arrived in Chicago. I wasn’t planning on forgetting that.
“We’d like you to come to the station for questioning.”
I felt Laney’s presence behind me, and her hand rested on my shoulder: a warning as well as reassurance.
“More questions, Billy? Do I need to call Angela?”
The guy turned pink and swallowed nervously.
“Your dad, um, Captain Hennessey just told me to bring him in. He’s not under arrest.”
“I should think not!” she said firmly. “What’s it about this time?”
“I don’t know, at least, I’m not sure. And that’s the truth, Laney.”
He was practically pleading with her, which would have made me laugh if I wasn’t already on edge.
Laney glanced across at me.
“We should probably go.”
The police guy looked much happier after she said that. I can’t say I did.
Grim faced, I finished dressing, collected my coat and followed them out the door.
The journey to the police station was quiet. I guess policemen weren’t allowed to listen to The Mix or Kiss FM.
Instinctively, I reached out to hold Laney’s hand. If this was it, if I was being sent home, I needed to spend every last second letting her know that I’d always be her friend, that . . .
Her gray eyes turned to mine, full of compassion, full of love.